I’ve not really done anything like this before but I thought why not, first time for everything and I need all of the help I can get right now.

My life is a mess. Take it back a few months and I had everything planned out, my dream job waiting for me, a good relationship etc. Now I have nothing. Basically I started training for part of the armed forces in the UK in the middle of September (this is my dream job, have always wanted to do it since I was little and could never see myself doing anything else, purely focused on this throughout my teenage years and dedicated a whole year on getting fit and going through the application process), I got 2 weeks into training where I was discharged (I almost drowned, from then on I was afraid of swimming and I was told I was unfit for service and I have to wait 2 years before coming back). Obviously I never pictured this happening. Oh and before leaving me and my long term girlfriend broke up because I was starting training. I went back to my mums house and after a week of staying there she said her boyfriend doesn’t want me there anymore and they can’t afford to have me, this was a big shock and I pretty much brokedown, I had no money and I thought I was going to be homeless, that night I couldn’t stop crying and I had so many bad thoughts going through my head. They gave me 1 week to sort something out. Luckily my two brothers and my dad helped me a lot and I am now living with my brother, so accommodation is sorted and there’s no pressure on paying rent etc. However I still need to get a job. I still have little money and if it wasn’t for my family then I don’t know what I’d do. Where I now live is in a remote area, the nearest town is 6 miles away and the bus service is infrequent (runs about twice a day I think) so I can’t just go into town when I want, which makes looking for a job even harder. Where I’ve moved to is also on the otherside of the country to where I am originally from, so apart from my brother I don’t know anybody here, aka I have no friends and nobody to hang around with or speak to and I really don’t know how I’m going to meet new people, it’s easier when you’re at school or working but in my case I have no idea. I get really lonely and I’ve just been feeling really down since everything happened, I admit I feel better than at first but I’m still not my normal self. Before, I knew what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be in life, I had goals and I was determined to achieve them and I did. Now, I don’t have any goals and I just feel really lost. I don’t have a clue what I want to do anymore, like I said I could never see myself doing anything else job-wise. An option I am probably going to take is go back to college next September (I left to join the military this year), go to university after that and then go back into the military after. But that gives me an entire year basically to find something to do and something to work towards. I just feel so confused, no life goals, no friends, no money, feeling crap all the time; my life just seems so pointless now, I hadn’t left my house for 2 days until earlier when I decided I had to get out and go for a walk. Sorry for going on and probably not making a lot of sense but I just felt like if I wrote it all out I might feel better and then I could also see if I could get any advice or help. Oh and also I’ve just turned 18, so I’m still pretty young and don’t really have any life experience, so all of this happening in the space of not even a month has been so hard to deal with and I hope nobody my age has to go through what I have.

Thanks for reading.