August 9, 2017 at 11:05 am #163098
i constantly find myself getting mad at the little things but then i noticed i felt as though there was no happy future for me so i started to give up on all my dreams. i grew up in a messed up home my dad was abusive my sister molested me i never got a break. i prayed day and night that my nightmare would end but when it did end i noticed i was so used to it i started to miss everything. people say that if i hated it so much why would i miss it well science proves when your so used to something and it seems so normal to your every day life then you will miss it if it changes in any way. ive always hated myself i started to change the way i dress, the way i talk, and the way i do my hair just to please others. i hate when people say that i will never know what true pain feels like because i do know ive wanted my life to end so i didnt have to deal with people who didnt understand. my mom has been there for me but i mean i have no friends and im 13 years old.
}serenityAugust 9, 2017 at 11:10 am #163102
my biological dad is an alcoholic and an abusive person who likes to controlAugust 10, 2017 at 2:06 am #163238
You wrote: “i started to give up on all my dreams”- some dreams better be abandoned, other dreams are better to keep. There are dreams yet to dream, I believe, dreams that are possible for you to actualize, to make them your reality
“i grew up in a messed up home my dad was abusive my sister molested me i never got a break. i prayed day and night that my nightmare would end”- I grew up in a messed up home as well, a different kind of messed-up, I am sure, but messed up badly, and I too prayed. My prayers were not answered.
“when it (the nightmare) did end i noticed i was so used to it i started to miss everything”- there were moments during the nightmare, in between the abuses, where you experienced comfort, correct? I think we miss those moments. In my experience, my brain took breaks from the nightmare by daydreaming. In my daydreaming I experienced love and happiness. I call those breaks heavenly-breaks, breaks from the hellish experience otherwise.
“ive always hated myself i started to change the way i dress, the way i talk, and the way i do my hair just to please others”-
Can you elaborate on this? I would like to understand the origin of your self hate, what do you believe caused you to hate yourself? How does this self hate look like, sound like, if I was to see/ hear you in person?
“i hate when people say that i will never know what true pain feels like because i do know ive wanted my life to end…”-
I have no doubt that you do know true pain. Feel free to share more of it here, more of any of your thoughts and feelings.
anitaAugust 10, 2017 at 8:59 am #163316
Last night I posted on your other thread, and than read this one today. I must say that I thought you were in your early twenties (not that this matters by any means), I just think you are wise beyond your years. It breaks my heart when I hear so many young people having a crappy home life…children's security and happiness should always be placed as a priority. You said you have no friends…is it possible to switch schools? Sometimes a new school gives new opportunities. I have 2 girls…my oldest is now 17. Up until grade 5, my oldest had no friends at school and it was hard to watch. The start of grade 6 I put my foot down and said she needed to switch schools…I said give it a couple of weeks if you don't like it I will switch you back to the other school. Right from day one at her new school she loved it…and years later the ones who wouldn't give her the time or day, are wanting to be her friend…but she has other friends and doesn't need them.
You said you have your mom….are you able to talk to her on how you feel…and does she not see how your dad is abusive to you?
You indicated in your other thread LGBT.. (I may come across a bit naive …(and i am sorry, not being rude)just because I do not know much about LGBT), but does the city you live in have support groups? Cause than I'm sure you would find a great support network of friends.
MacyAugust 11, 2017 at 11:38 am #163482
yes i did feel comfort for a while i thought it was just normal but it wasn't. i changed the over all appearance of myself in multiple ways it was hard to over come it. the origin of my self-hate was the abuse and always getting bullied everybody would point out my flaws the all i could think about what they said was wrong with me. i feel free now because i learned to love my flaws and everything. i want to thank you i know i don't personally know you but your very nice.
serenityAugust 11, 2017 at 11:45 am #163484
thank you i do see myself more mature than most kids my age because what ive been through has showed me a better life and i know right from wrong. after last year i had enough of the bullying this year im getting home-schooled. yes there is support groups here.
serenityAugust 11, 2017 at 12:01 pm #163500
You are welcome and thank you for writing that I am nice. I appreciate it.
I am glad you are homeschooled and therefore no longer being bullied! I also like to read that you learned to love “your flaws and everything”.
You are nice too!
anitaAugust 11, 2017 at 12:16 pm #163508
your very welcome. im very excited about being home-schooled!
yes ive excepted my flaws for all the good reasons. thanks for your comment about me being nice!
how old are you and what do you like to do for fun?
serenityAugust 11, 2017 at 12:58 pm #163520
I am 43 years older than you. For fun, I aim at being engaged and aware of whatever it is that I am doing, which is, at this very moment, replying to you.
anitaAugust 11, 2017 at 2:00 pm #163534
wow by the way you reply i thought you would be in your twenties. well your very engaged and aware of stuff, your constanly commenting on stuff and you give great advise.
serenityAugust 12, 2017 at 3:36 am #163566
Thank you for your appreciation and kindness, here and in your other thread. It is a pleasure to read from you.