My wife wants to leave after 8 years

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This topic has 22 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 5 months ago by Anonymous.

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June 4, 2018 at 2:09 pm #210781

Rob
Participant

Thanks Mark, that’s what I’m feeling, and have been doing and like I said earlier, she said you have been amazing lately but I just dont feel the love for you. It’s only been 2 weeks and I told her I do t expect her to just love me again all of a sudden. I feel like she will one day think to herself you know what he really is a different person, he isn’t kidding around.

June 4, 2018 at 2:32 pm #210785

Mark
Participant

Rob,

Persistence. Hang in there. Don’t keep asking her if she has changed her mind. She’ll let you know.

Mark

June 4, 2018 at 2:36 pm #210787

Rob
Participant

Your right, I haven’t asked her I won’t ask her, I want it to be genuine. I feel like she will come around. I let her know that I am here and I am not giving up on her or the kids, and no matter where we go I will always be there for her and them. And she said the same to me. And didn’t look away or act weird when I said I wasn’t giving up she seemed to accept it.

June 5, 2018 at 3:09 am #210829

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Rob:

I re-read your posts this morning. I was riding a certain line of thinking yesterday and I think I neglected something very important. If you want to consider the following and reply, please do.

You wrote: “I was always a negative person, always looked at the worst of every situation”- and yet she fell in love with this negative person, married him and had children with this negative man.

You then attended a motivational speaker event and tried to be positive since, quit your job, started a business and it is during this time that she lost her loving feelings for you.

What is it that turned off her love for you then, given she fell in love with a negative person and out of love with the positive person you were trying whole heartedly to become?

What is it specifically that she has been unhappy about in the marriage with you, and since when/ since what event or circumstances?

anita

June 5, 2018 at 7:47 am #210889

Rob
Participant

well, when we met, I lived for her loved to be with her at any moment ( I still feel that way) she was a breath of fresh air in my life. Like all the negative stuff just went away. Then we got comfortable, bought a house together, got married, and I just started to let things go, almost as if I finally had everything and was content, which I did. I always was happy with my home life, it’s the one thing that I knew for sure in my life. But the whole time I didn’t realize I was neglecting her. So it was before I went to the conference. I didn’t show her enough love and that she is my everything. Once I quit my job we both were excited because I finally was being confident and taking risks. It felt good, but then things didn’t go as planned, and I started to fall back again, I didn’t know my next move. Instead of getting up early working on a plan, I just bumbled through the days again, not really gaining traction on anything.

June 5, 2018 at 8:12 am #210899

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Rob:

Did you stop paying that special attention to her early on, in the first year or so of the eight years; how long is it that she was unhappy with you, feeling neglected, do you think- was it before the last year, before the motivational speaker event and the changes afterwards, or was it during the last year?

anita

June 5, 2018 at 8:16 am #210901

Rob
Participant

It was definitely before the speaker, she said it wasn’t all bad, more like a roller coaster. I would be amazing then, there would periods where I was more lacking, and she would feel like I wasn’t trying, and well obviously I wasn’t.

June 5, 2018 at 8:59 am #210909

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Rob:

I am not clear about the nature of the crime.

There has been an assumption on your part so far that it is your fault that your wife wants to leave, that you are guilty. I don’t see evidence of such guilt. I am sure you were not perfect in the relationship, but no person is perfect. I am sure she has not been perfect.

So there is some sort of alleged crime, a vague… lack of attention-to-her crime. Not clear what it means, this vague accusation and taking the blame of not paying her attention.

And now you are in a position where you are trying to pay her for your crime, to avoid the punishment for your crime, the selling of the house and separation.

She is the alleged victim and the judge. You are the alleged criminal and you are awaiting the verdict from the victim/judge. Not a good place for you to be.

Counseling with a quality relationship psychotherapist is the best place to figure out what is going on here. I have no idea what it is.

anita

June 6, 2018 at 5:52 pm #211305

Jason Gafar
Participant

You don’t want to accept the reality, but you have to. I know this is very blunt of me to say so, but it’s the truth. Your wife’s feelings for you have ended. No matter how hard you try to change or do whatever under the sun, it’s over. Why would you, anyways? Why would you want to do something in order to get someone? Never chase anyone. If you love her and she stays, then wonderful. If you love her and she leaves, totally okay. Talk to her again and if she again declines, than it is YOU who needs to accept this. Take some time off from life and unplug. Go through the depression and grief, however long it takes. WHATSOEVER IS THE CASE IS THE CASE!!
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