I’ve been with my husband for almost 5 years. We’ve had our ups and downs but I have never felt so apathetic as I do now. We have a home and started our painting business together. We just tied the knot officially in July. Putting the small wedding together was eye opening because I had no doubt we were together for the long run but there were a lot of feelings and challenges that he made worse (Like he decided to get into a huge fight with his only family in the states and even after agreeing we would spend the month before the wedding not making it bigger or putting it to rest to focus on us. . . he didn’t respect the pact.) So there was a lot of emotional turmoil that got me to reevaluate if I really wanted to go through my life like this. . . And damn it I love him so we got married lol

Things change. We don’t party as much as when we were single or started dating and that’s cool because movie nights rock!!! but I do feel like we are loosing our passion for each other. I’m not at a point where others attract me but I feel like if I continue to lose my desire for him, it will ultimately cause bigger problems in our marriage like infidelity and divorce. Since we run a business together there are tons of frustrations we go through on a daily basis and it’s unrealistic to feel 100% happy with him at the end of the day. So normally we stay at our sides of the house/bed and start again the next day!

I’ve come to a point where I don’t try to fix everything about him. I understand I don’t need to control every thing and life will continue. It also typically leads to an argument and I should accept him fully for who he is. .. but that does not stop me from sometimes becoming enraged when he decides to do/say something stupid. Today he has been really sweet (he really normally is when he’s not too crazy stressed out) but I can’t get over how yesterday he was a prick to me or how we made out and he decided to just stop before actually getting to the good stuff. (It seems like he’s still into me, he’s still a man but somehow sex has become something we have to think about scheduling! Even when I try to be a more seductive than normal, I mean really try because most times I’d rather do something else than “it” but understand it has to be done sometimes, I don’t want him to feel like I don’t want him… and we’ve only been married for 6 months!!!!! We’ve talked about this with full conversations maybe 2 or 3 times. Each time I’ve brought it up which feels like that takes even more romance from the whole situation AND he doesn’t change any of the things he says he will! so that makes it worse. I don’t want to bring it up again but we have to make a change. GRRRR

So I feel myself shutting down. Why try to get excited if he’ll just roll over for his phone. Why say anything to him if it will only start a fight. But then how do I let go of those feelings of hurt and enjoy when he does decide to be sweet (because I feel, and I’m sure he thinks, that I’m the one that’s a total bitch for not feeling like genuinely smiling when he tells me he loves me let alone lovingly say it back :'(

He’s always wanted kids. . . now that we are married instead of thinking about if I want to spend our lives together, I’m thinking if we should bring kids into our lives. I have been quizzing him on things like if he reacts like a total asshole to me how he will react to our kids. This is the year we want to start trying but I would really prefer to wait to offer them something more that what we have/are now.

Most marriages I’ve seen are a little dead inside and now it totally makes sense to me. What I thought would never happen in my relationship IS! Are there any tips you can offer to keep our love alive?

• This topic was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by Laura.