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June 17, 2019 at 9:20 am #299461
lindseyParticipantAnita,
Right now I’m going to continue the no contact and talk with the counselor more about it. I’d like to have some type of relationship with her. I’m going to have to not be angry and accept how she thinks and views the situation and just try to be present mostly for the kids. This is going to be way easier said than done.
Can you help me with not feeling embarrassed about K. I just feel very foolish for allowing things to continue past the point they did. I’m trying to use it as a learning experience being back in the dating world after so long but it’s really difficult. He basically turned into another person overnight.
Lindsey
June 17, 2019 at 9:32 am #299465
AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Yes, talk to your counselor about a relationship with your mother. Reads to me that it has been a bad relationship for too long, at least ever since you were in college. There was no resolution of her kicking you out of her life suddenly when you were not prepared. Without resolution, how can there possibly be a healthy relationship between you and her..
Regarding K, compared to how it was with M- do you feel less embarrassed regarding K because you did not have a sexual relationship with him (you didn’t, as far as I know)?
anita
June 17, 2019 at 9:37 am #299467lindseyParticipantAnita,
No all I had was friendship with K but talks back and forth of attraction towards each other. Definitely less embarrassed that with M. M was bad. I feel like I should not have spoken with K this weekend or exchanged messages. I feel like maybe a little of it had to do with my mom in town and feeling upset but I’m not sure. I just feel like I was a little slow to back off even when he showed negative behaviors.
Lindsey
June 17, 2019 at 9:47 am #299469AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Well, you made progress then, not having had a sexual relationship with K led to a lesser embarrassment later. Excellent! I remember you shared that with M you initiated sexual contact. You learned your lesson with M and applied it to K, well done !
Regarding your embarrassment with K, “I should not have spoken with K this weekend or exchanged messages”- if your embarrassment is about what K thinks about you messaging him this weekend, I don’t think he thinks much about it, if at all. He tends to lie on the couch, doesn’t he, take his me-time, I think he called it, vegetate, drink, get involved with his roommate drama at times, so I don’t think you messaging him is something that sticks in his awareness. I think he is troubled enough with his own thoughts about his own life.
anita
June 17, 2019 at 12:03 pm #299499lindseyParticipantAnita,
I definitely remembered my lesson with M. I blocked some half hearted attempts last Tuesday evening with K and his odd behavior started Wednesday. I believe there is a connection as you said but we are moving on. I’m being a little over sensitive about this weekend and I agree he probably does not think much about it at all. I’m feeling better as the afternoon rolls around.
I’ve made plans to go home in August with the kids to Florida where my parents live. I can be civil with my mother. I have not seen friends and family since Christmas.
Lindsey
June 17, 2019 at 12:16 pm #299503AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey
Having read your posts since the beginning of interacting with K, I really don’t see any valid reason for you to feel embarrassed, really. August in Florida must be very hot and very humid. You have other family living there, other than your parents, and friends? I hope it will be an enjoyable time for you and your kids, next month then, soon enough!
anita
June 17, 2019 at 2:26 pm #299523lindseyParticipantAnita,
No there is no embarrassment really. I re read my posts and I was filled with anxiety the whole time. I just miss my friend. We were friends and I don’t have many.
Yes lots of family in Florida. It will be a nice visit. My dad’s dog is pretty cool. His name is Wrigley and he is a laberdoodle.
Lindsey
June 17, 2019 at 2:36 pm #299525AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
Labradoodles are as cute as can be. Wrigley the Labradoodle.
I am glad there is no embarrassment, excellent, no reason to feel embarrassed! I will be away from the computer for a couple of hours.
anita
June 18, 2019 at 7:49 am #299625lindseyParticipantAnita,
Trying to work through this morning while getting ready for work wanted to reach out to K in friendship as I miss the friendship very much…however, I know that there are aspects of him that were not good like his tendency to be moody and not talk. I know that I will not reach out to him but I am just trying to work through missing talking with him.
I don’t understand how people can go from talking to someone several times a day, sharing private things, to just nothing the next day. It’s hard for me to understand. I do realize from a romantic standpoint he is not for me. If I’m being honest, I can do better as for as maturity, age, etc.
My father shared with me this morning that my mother is planning on sitting down with me to talk about boundaries with the ex as she wants to have a relationship with me so this is good news.
Lindsey
June 18, 2019 at 8:30 am #299633AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
How is it that he communicated with you often one day, shared personal things, and then nothing the next day, being moody that way- he gets depressed and/ or angry and withdraws, probably. So he feels affection for you one day, feeling comfortable with you and then the next day he is depressed or angry with you. Why would he be angry with you when you didn’t do anything that hurt him? Because he is angry. People often feel anger toward people who didn’t hurt them.
anita
June 18, 2019 at 8:40 am #299637lindseyParticipantAnita,
He never showed anger, only indifference, sounds like depression to me but I don’t know for sure. I’m still questioning if I should reach out to him or not. What do you think?
Lindsey
June 18, 2019 at 8:50 am #299641AnonymousGuestDear Lindsey:
There are many expressions of anger. Depression is often the slow leaking of anger, weighing the person down. Indifference is a common expression of anger, children often say “I don’t care!” when angry. Adults are still children really, when you put aside looks.
Regarding reaching out to him- what will you text him?
anita
June 18, 2019 at 8:52 am #299643lindseyParticipantAnita,
I already did. I just sent a quick message saying we talked a lot and I don’t want to never talk again so if you need anything you can always message me. Short, civil, either way I like what I sent.
Lindsey
June 18, 2019 at 9:05 am #299649lindseyParticipantAnita,
I just did see above but haven’t heard anything back. I didn’t think that far ahead that maybe he wouldn’t reply. Jeez I think I made a mistake. He’s had to of seen it by now. I’m a complete idiot.
Lindsey
Lindsey
June 18, 2019 at 9:17 am #299661lindseyParticipantAnita,
Yeah he never replied. I’m really embarrassed.
Lindsey
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