Reggi,

What are you afraid of?  That he will get back with her?  That she is “better” than you?  That he thinks of her rather than you?

Have you had anxiety issues beyond this ex, i.e. have you been anxious about other things?  Are you generally an anxious person?  Are you normally insecure in other situations like with work?  etc.?

Have you talked to him about what qualities that you have that makes you desired, wanted, and a good partner?

Mark

Reggi,

One thing about close relationships it brings up our “stuff” which we need to work on.  In a way, this has nothing to do with his ex but more about your insecurities and anxiety.  This highlights what you need to work on for yourself.

Have you done anything with your anxiety?  Therapy? Medication? Meditation? Exercise? Mindfulness?

In addition, you can take your bf aside and ask him to ask his parents not to talk about his ex so much in your presence.  Since you have been with him for almost two years then I assume you can be vulnerable and honest with him about your insecurities.

Mark

Reggi,

When you are dealing with your sleep or eating issues or chest pain, try deep breathing.  Feel into where it is in your body and breath into that place.  Don’t try to push your emotions away but sit with it and breath deep into it.  Continue doing so.

I find sitting with uncomfortable feelings is extremely hard.  I do know it helps tremendously especially when I consciously breath deeply.

Mark

Dear Reggi:

I would present the topic to your boyfriend, suggest to him to have a discussion between the three of you. If you feel too emotional and are afraid you won’t be able to express yourself clearly talking to him, a one page letter may be better. You can take your time writing it, seeing that it expresses how you feel and what you think honestly and clearly, and give it to him to read.

In the initial conversation with him/ in the letter, don’t blame him for anything and don’t complain to him at this point about his parents’ behavior. Try to be as calm and fair, and listen to his response. If you feel  very emotional while he responds, not liking what he says, don’t react, instead take a break from the situation and return to it later when you are calm. You are welcome to post here during such a break if you want my input regarding his response.

There is nothing wrong with how you feel. It doesn’t mean that he should end contact with her, maybe he should, maybe he shouldn’t, I don’t know. Better find out information during that initial conversation with him and additional conversations, to follow with some kind of a deeper communication with her, in the context of the three of you talking and take it from there.

I hope to read from you soon. I will soon be away from the computer and back in about sixteen hours from now.

anita

Reggi,

I want to share my experience.  My last girlfriend had her husband cheat on her after 20 plus years of marriage.  She did not find out about the infidelity until after he died when she was going through his desk.  I told her upfront that I have women friends and I still plan to be friends with them despite her misgivings.  Ironically after we broke up, she has them as friends too.

This is not quite the same situation for these women were not my romantic exes.  However, they were part of my life before my girlfriend and they continue to be after my ex and I broke up.

Mark