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This topic contains 7 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  David 5 days, 8 hours ago.

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  • #312101

    Heartbrokengurl
    Participant

    Hello everyone! It has been a while since I have checked in. I have been doing a lot of inner work on myself lately and think that I have made some progress.

    I wanted to just get thoughts on something. I have a new man in my life (2 months). He is great and treats me well for the most part. Just wish he was a little more romantic and would text more…anyways, I’m not feeling those butterfly feelings or feelings of excitement. I am wondering if it’s because it’s not the right guy for me or if I’m just addicted to drama and emotionally unavailable men in the past??

    #312123

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Heartbrokengurl:

    Welcome back!

    I wouldn’t worry about “not feeling those butterfly feelings or feelings of excitement”- butterflies are  known for their short life span, so they are not a solid, lasting basis for a healthy, loving relationship.

    To function better in this new relationship, to do your part in it for the purpose of it being the healthy, loving relationship I wish it is becoming, it may be helpful for you to slowly read your previous threads and take notes, the idea is to learn from previous experiences so to function better in life.

    I hope to read more from you.

    anita

    #312169

    Grenada
    Participant

    I would suggest just communicating your needs. If people like you back , they’d be happy to fulfill them.

    #312203

    Peggy
    Participant

    Hello Heartbrokengurl

    Your new boyfriend is great and he treats you well but after just two months together you have issues with him.  He is not romantic enough and he does not text you enough.  You are not excited by him.  At a rough guess, I would say he isn’t the right man for you.

    Peggy

    #313289

    Heartbrokengurl
    Participant

    Hi everyone.

    I am just wondering if anyone could offer advice on how to ask my bf to be more responsive. His texting is really starting to get to me. He takes hours to respond sometimes and sometimes don’t hear from him all day. When we are together he is great and affectionate but when we are apart i feel disconnected to him. I want to talk to him about it, but I don’t know how to even start the conversation…or what the right words are to avoid coming across needy, demanding or angry. Thoughts on how to bring it up?

    #313307

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Heartbrokengurl:

    “when we are apart I feel disconnected to him”- because, based on your previous threads, you suffer from separation anxiety, meaning, unless the man is in your physical presence, and you can see him and touch him, or unless you are hearing his voice on the phone or getting a text from him, you feel all alone and very scared (anxious, worried, panicking, experiencing extreme anxiety and thinking the worst, your own words, see below).

    It is similar to a young child left by his mother, finding herself alone, and very, very scared. The child cries inconsolably for her mother. Nothing will calm her down until her mother returns to her and holds her.

    Here is your separation anxiety from April 2017:

    April 1, 2017: “I went on my first date last night.. I woke up with a smile on my face today!” but still on that same morning, you wrote: “While it’s only morning after I’m already anxious that I’m not going to hear from him”. The day after, April 2, you wrote: “He did text me and said we should get together again soon but didn’t keep the conversation going, so now I’m worried again… I’m having a lot of trouble not panicking right now. He will text, but is taking hours between texts”.

    In June 2017 you wrote about another man whom you dated two or three times: “we haven’t even discussed being exclusive, but any time I don’t hear from him for a while, I start to get extreme anxiety and think the worst, i.e. he isn’t interested anymore, maybe I said something wrong etc.”

    Fast forward more than two years, Sept 2019, and you wrote regarding another dating situation: “I have a new man in my life (2 months).. Just wish he.. would text more… His texting is really starting to  get to me. He takes hours to  respond.. When. we are together he is great.. but when we are apart I feel disconnected to him”- you need his presence or a direct contact with him at all times, or very frequently, otherwise you feel anxious,  alone and scared. And after too long of alone-and-scared, I figure you feel disconnected.

    I don’t remember if we ever discussed the origin of your separation anxiety, did we?

    anita

     

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by  anita.
    #313313

    Peggy
    Participant

    Hi Heartbrokengirl,

    It occurs to me that not everyone can be texting at any time of the day or night.  Is there a reason why he might not be able to reply to your texts such as he might be working?  If he feels that you are coming on too strong then he might be backing off.  Appreciate what you have while you are together and don’t set yourself up for failure with the texts.  In other words stop texting him unless its really important.

    Peggy

    #318511

    David
    Participant

    Just ask for yourself – “What I gonna feel if he left?”

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