No physical intimacy on my birthday…

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    It was my 30th birthday yesterday (female) and my fiancé who I recently became engaged to (male/33) were not physically intimate on my birthday… like at all. We’ve been together for about 2 and a half years and while he did plan a very beautiful elaborate birthday celebration for me last weekend, I’m honestly feeling hurt that we didn’t have sex on my actual birthday. We actually both had the day off, slept in, I got my nails done, he went to the gym, and then we got dinner… so I was shocked when we were getting ready for bed and he just said “Well, good night!”

    I feel guilty because he’s been amazing in so many other ways, but we do have our moments in the bedroom. I told him I felt disappointed he didn’t initiate anything with me today and he said “Oh! I wasn’t sure if you wanted to- we can do it right now?” But the feeling wasn’t there for me. I just felt hurt. I told him this and said that special occasions like birthdays I would really like us to make an effort to be physically intimate with each other and he agreed.

    I guess I just needed to vent. I’m at a point in my life where I want to feel desired and longed for… I got your nails done, got all made up and dressed up for dinner, and nothing from my fiancé :(… I guess of all the days I wanted my birthday to be the day where he really wanted me. Now I’m just sitting here alone feeling frustrated.


    Dear dreaming715:

    Happy Tuesday-after-your-Birthday!

    I hope you feel better.



    Hi dreaming715,

    Wasn’t this the guy who doesn’t initiate by nature (one of your last posts)?

    Answer: You are fighting his inner nature. He is not a sexual guy. Don’t take it personally. It has NOTHING to do with you!

    At least he planned an elaborate celebration, took you out to dinner, and you got your nails done!




    Dear Dreaming,

    Just some food for thought for you.  I know how disappointed you are feeling.  However,  you might think a bit about how in a loving relationship is about giving aas well as receiving. Rather than focusing on him not giving you sex on your birthday,  you mught think about giving to him – physically and sexually to show your appreciation and love for all of those tgings he does for you


    Whilst it’s possible that you are not sexuallt possible, its also possible that you are still getting to know him sexually,  what he likes and what he doesnt.


    You posted in your other thread that he is often tired.  You might consider givibg him a massage.  Dont be surprised or disappointed if he falls asleep sometimes.  After a while,  you will know when to stop the massage and please him in other ways.


    Whilst its true that most men like their women to look nice,  male desire is often about more than that.


    Sorry for typos.  I was unable to edit



    There is a saying (I think it’s a 12 Step Program one), Expectations are premeditated resentments.  If you want sex for your birthday then tell him.  As a guy, I would appreciate to hear what my intimate partner would want/expect for such a special occasion.


    Women tend to think that if they hint and assume with their mates then they will get what they want, i.e. “if he really loves me then he will KNOW/DO that…”  BS!  Intimacy is to be able to express our needs, feelings, wants/requests up front, frankly and compassionately IMHO.

    My two cents.  This is a difficult paradigm shift which most people are not aware and have a tough time to transition to.

    Take care.


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