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Not sure if it's time to "grow up."

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  • August 7, 2014 at 11:50 pm #62867
    Tiberius Shepard
    Participant

    Hi guys, I’m new here so hi!

    Right well I’d really love some advice or an outside perspective on things. Apologies for long post.

    I’m 31 years old and I’m about to move from Ireland to Canada with my girlfriend. I’ve been telling my friends and family that the move is being influenced by the economic troubles in Ireland, which is partially true. The real reason is that a few years ago I was in a band, we were doing pretty good and we put out an album, we were told by a record executive from a major company that, while we were good, there was zero chance of us making any headway if we stayed in Ireland and we’d have a much better chance of making a living if we moved to North America. We had some friends who had moved over a few years earlier who were doing really well and they said we could stay with them, use their equipment and they’d help us get sorted. It seemed like a great offer but the rest of the band didn’t want to emigrate so I left (they broke up pretty soon after) that was two years ago and I haven’t played music with anyone since the day I walked out of the studio. Music was my entire life up until that day but since then I’ve just been plagued with doubts and frustration. I’m 31 now, and I feel old trying to start a band with younger musicians and playing to a younger audience. I also should probably try get a start on trying to get a job that will support me financially, my girlfriend is amazingly supportive but I don’t want to be the musician loafer boyfriend lazing about on the couch if you get me.

    I guess my problem is, music was my life from as far back as I remember. My fathers a classical guitarist and the house was always so full of music when I was growing up. It’s always been this massive part of my life but now it’s kind of become this weird thing where I would love to do it professionally more than anything, but if I do it I risk being ridiculed, wasting time and of course getting my heart broken again if another “almost” situation happens.

    This is all kind of coming to a head now as I’m moving. The whole plan to emigrate happened when I was still determined to move over when the offer was fresh but due to commitments it took two years. now I’ not even 100% certain what I hope to get out of this trip.

    Any advice?

    August 8, 2014 at 1:11 am #62869
    The Ruminant
    Participant

    I guess then someone needs to tell Clapton, Jagger and Bowie that they’re not allowed to be musicians anymore! 😉

    I think that there is a bit of a misconception of what “growing up” means. Being realistic and rational does not mean not having dreams and not enjoying things in life that do not directly contribute to having stuff. If music lights up your soul and makes you happy, then for goodness sake, live it! I’m also pretty sure that there are other people of all ages who feel the same way and would want to collaborate with you. So if that’s your thing, then do it.

    What I would see as an immature point of view would be to want to be in a band because you’d want to look younger than you are or that you would want to be famous so that you could get attention. I.e. trying to manipulate the world so that you would feel better about yourself. That would be immature. To feel good about yourself is something that is down to you to accomplish, instead of dreaming of a future where you’d magically become this person that everyone admires. And to feel good about yourself is to allow yourself to do things that make you feel alive. It is your responsibility to live and shine as the person that you are.

    People have jobs that aren’t their calling and still manage to live a happy life and do things that they really like to do…financed by the job that isn’t their calling. It’s not “either/or”. Besides if you are a really good musician, you can have that as a job as well. But to go into that with the expectation of instant fame would be silly.

    August 8, 2014 at 4:56 am #62873
    Inky
    Participant

    There’s a huge myth out there that if you were The Real Deal, it would Just Happen, that you wouldn’t need a real job ~ that as a matter of fact, a real job gets in the way. That playing music at night or on the weekends is just a Hobby. That if you quit your real job, the record deal would come through as a Sign from your Sacrifice of Banal Commitment.

    Hogwash.

    I know a guy who played, usually as a backup, with several famous groups back in the 70s. Yes, the bands got The Deal. Yes, at one point he became quasi-famous. But now he is at least 60 and, yes, spent the 90s living on the girlfriend’s couch, LOL. No one remembers him. But guess what? He is still jammin’! I have no idea what he does IRL.

    My point is, you may never get The Deal. And even if you got The Deal, it is really (usually) a flash in the pan. And you will always have to do what needs to be done IRL, whether you’re a grown up or not!

    Like, my DH wanted to be an Olympic sailor. Never happened. But now he sails with The Masters (old folk fleet LOL) on the twelve weekends weather allows. As you know, it’s not just the success. Or the fame. It’s really about the lifestyle and the camaraderie.

    So find like minded others (internet) in your area, and keep making music!!

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Inky.
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