The only thing we can really know definitively after a break up is what our part in it is. I see you putting a lot on his mistakes and his choices. What about you? You say you dont care about him and what he is up to. Yet you are in here sharing your story. True indifference, would suggest such a post not necessary or worth your time. You say you are focusing on yourself, dating yourself. What does that mean to you? To me it means examining what my part in the dysfunctional relationship was, what choices did I make to get me where I am currently at. You can not put it all on him, because a relationship takes two people. This person cheated on you for 3 months, instead of standing up for yourself and demanding better you say you put up with it. That my dear is all on you. This person seemed to show you over and over what type of person he was. In my opinion not the type of person who should really be in a relationship period. Yet you stayed in it. The important questions you need to be asking yourself is why?

You can give up on love and soul-mates if you want, and form your opinions about relationships and dating around this negative experience. The only thing this will do is guarantee you will never experience either ever again. From reading your post, my first impression is that you are very young. Then I see you have children. It seems maybe a re-evaluation of your priorities may be in order. We get out of experiences what we put into them. If you are unsatisfied with his behavior and how things developed. I suggest looking at what it is you did and the choices you made to allow this influence in your life. This is all we will ever know completely, and the only thing we have power over to change, ourselves, not others.

Hi Princess.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. It’s a very difficult thing to learn to let things go and understand that you can only control your own thoughts and feelings. I have struggled with this for over a year – sometimes I’m ok with it and other times I am not. When I am not it’s because I find out something about my ex that brings back the feelings of not understanding their choices, feeling rejected and hurt. But those are my feelings, my reactions to something out of my control.

Being content with who you are is so important. It will hold you in good stead for any relationship whatever shape that takes.

Good luck

I certainly didnt take your reflection as being deep and meaningful, I apologize. I appreciate the further digression. I dont mean to make judgement. I can only form thoughts based on the information provided.

Sounds like you know where you need to get, he will stay where he is at. Feel bad for him, I do.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 8 months ago by Chad.

Dear Princess/ Reader:

I am addressing this to the Reader as well because there is a very small chance that Princess is still around the forums… but maybe, Princess?

The title of your thread is “Not sure who my ex is“, and you answered your own question (who is my ex?) in your 4th post: “the victim“.

The full quote from your 4th post is: “his relationships before me all lasted an average of 3 months. He always described them as psychos etc. he had nothing good to say about them and he was always the victim” – He claimed that his ex’s were psychos; after your relationship with him ended, and you became another ex in his life, he likely claimed that you were a psycho too, and likely he had nothing good to say about you…  and likely he presented himself as your victim.

While still in a relationship with him, you showed him proof that he cheated on you, and “he denied it got pissed off at me for even bringing it up” – he conveniently ignored his cheating act and was pissed off at you for not doing the same, thinking of you as … a psycho for bringing it up?

Regarding returning each other’s things, “I returned his and he has made every excuse as to why he hasn’t returned mine” – because in his mind, only a psycho would insist on him returning the woman’s things…?

When getting to know a person, better listen to how he (or she) describes other people in his life, past and present; his perception of others and of his own history is likely to repeat.

anita

I really liked your post Peter.  I have chosen not to pursue relationships, but I have love in my life. Not the type of love in popular culture or sexual entanglements.  I know I feel a lot better about myself and happier within myself now I am alone.  I’m.definitely much more emotionally and mentally stable.