Hi Anonymous

I’m sorry to hear that you are still struggling, it is understandable though, you have been through a lot. It is positive to hear that you are doing your best to get yourself out of this. I’m glad that you have someone to talk to about all of this and that your brother is being supportive. Telling him your full story sounds like a good idea. Great work on the meditation practice, that helped me a lot with depression too. I’m sure that you will share with your sister when you feel ready. It is good to hear that you are feeling more positive about seeking professional help.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

It is quite a journey to find oneself. When we meditate, we do not fight the thoughts. We do not push them away. What we do is to allow them their space and let them go. Thoughts will flow in and out. Our work begins by not attaching ourselves to those thoughts. To not follow them. To not feel them. And then when you can concentrate, you pay attention to your actions. Your intentions. May sound easy but it wasn’t for me. Because to me, I was those thoughts. Anguish, pain, suffering, all came from those thoughts. My sense of self was wrapped in those thoughts. Desires came from those thoughts. So, when I learned to let them go. To not be a part of them. I found what is left is me. Don’t get me wrong. I do not walk around with0ut a thought in my head. I use thoughts. Emotions and thoughts may control me, part of the time. But, I am learning to be myself. To use thoughts as a tool rather than as an identity.

This I believe is the key to living a better life. Yes, there are plenty of regrets and memories that haunt me. But, I am growing and becoming more myself without the losing myself in emotions and thoughts which have no benefit to me. I hope you will take this as a map to lead you forward in your search for peace. Wishing you the best.

I hope you don’t mind if I share something that I learned as a result of meditation. The only difference between happiness and depression is a state of mind. You can be in the exact same situation and feel completely differently. You can be walking in a park ignoring the world around you caught up in the darkness of your own thoughts. Or you can be walking in the same park and appreciating the beautiful sun set.

Meditation helped me to open up some space in my mind. Just having space between dark thoughts can give enough time to appreciate the good things in life. And the goal is to widen that space so you can let in more of the good stuff.

Hi Anonymous

I’m glad to hear that you’re relaxed when you’re writing here.

You mentioned that anxiety is worse for you in the morning. What do your bed time and morning routine’s look like? Sometimes people imagine all of the things that they have to do. Do you do that? I’m curious about what the hardest part for you in the morning is?

Thank you for your kind words! It is okay, I have learned that sometimes bad experiences can have surprising outcomes even if it does take a long time to learn what it might be. If I had not been raped, I would not have met my husband. If I hadn’t had health issues I wouldn’t have matured enough to be a good mother and I would have struggled even more so with the process of recovering from a c-section. At the end of the day, I like being a mother and love my son. So with downs come ups.

A tip that helped me a lot for learning to meditate is to do it when already somewhat relaxed, if possible. Some people recommend short practice sessions (a couple of minutes) and building up to longer ones. I was the opposite though and needed to do it for around 30 minutes because it took me a long time to relax when I started. I wish you good luck figuring it all out! It does get easier, I promise just keep at it. 😊

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Dear anonymous:

Last you posted was on July 30, 2024- over 4 months ago. How are you?

Here are quotes from my advice to you in these 2 pages of your thread: “Express yourself… let out your emotions, type them out on the computer screen… find new life within you and attend to it… there is indeed a huge void in this world, a void of peace, of mildness, of kindness. And we are all (the hating and the hated, the deceiving and the deceived) on the same boat of destruction…

“Replace the shame and guilt with empathy for the scared boy within you. Once you do that, the scared boy within you will be less scared, and courage will be the new life within you… Courage will replace helplessness…

“It is scary and depressing to feel powerless, no wonder you are anxious and depressed. I see the hope for your healing in changing your attitude from that of personal helplessness to that of personal empowerment, in you believing that you have some… power over what happens in your life… it is time for you to do more than to survive a harsh world…

“Every day, beginning in the morning, shift from despair to hope, bit by bit, in spite of and through expected regressions…

“Your brain is in the habit of getting engulfed by fear, anxiety, guilt and shame. It is difficult to break habits. It takes persistence and patience. It’s about extending the moments of calm over time”.

Today, I want to respond to what you shared on page 1: “There is one side of me which tells me that I should not overthink. But I get carried away when I try to make a decision. I mentally picture all the negative outcomes and feel them as real. I reflected on this behaviour and found that in my childhood I was not allowed to make any mistakes either at home or at school. Whenever I made one it was not well taken. I was scolded and judged. Never was I taught that mistake happens, and you need to learn from it. All I was said was how can a studious student like you make such mistakes and it was a shame. In the adulthood, there were few decisions I took, that did not result nicely. I think the fear of taking decisions started from these events and has been inculcated”-

– Shifting from self-judgment to self-compassion is a transformative process that leads to emotional well-being: (1) Recognize when you are being self-critical. Pay attention to your inner dialogue and notice when negative thoughts arise, (2) Challenge negative Thoughts: question the validity of your self-judgmental thoughts. Are they based on facts or assumptions? Would you say these things to someone you love and care about? (3) Replace negative thoughts with more compassionate ones. Speak to yourself as you would to someone you love and care about, (4) Practice mindfulness: stay present and accept your emotions without judgment. Mindfulness helps in acknowledging your feelings without letting them control and overwhelm you, (5) Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to other people you care about. Be gentle and forgiving towards yourself, (6) Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and that imperfection is part of being human. Let go of past regrets and focus on learning and growth, (7) Establish healthy boundaries to protect your mental and emotional well-being. This includes saying no when necessary and prioritizing self-care, (8) Reach out to friends, family, tiny buddha members (here), or a therapist for support. Sharing your struggles with others can help you gain perspective and feel less isolated, (9) Celebrate progress: acknowledge and celebrate your efforts and achievements, no matter how small. Recognize that growth is a gradual process.

Self-compassion helps in reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression by fostering a positive and supportive inner dialogue. Being compassionate towards yourself helps you bounce back from setbacks more easily. It builds resilience and the ability to cope with adversity. When you are kinder to yourself, you are more likely to extend kindness to others, improving your relationships and social connections. Self-compassion promotes a growth mindset, encouraging you to take on challenges and learn from mistakes without fear of harsh self-criticism. By treating yourself with kindness and respect, you build a healthier self-esteem and a more positive self-image. Practicing self-compassion leads to emotional well-being, life satisfaction, and overall happiness.

In short, shifting from self-judgment to self-compassion a journey worth embarking on, and every small step counts. 🌟

anita

Dear Anonymous:

Thank you for your heartfelt message. It’s clear that you’re putting in a lot of effort to manage and navigate through these challenging times.

It’s encouraging to read that you’ve found some solace in your morning routine, meditation, and reading. Journaling can be a powerful way to process emotions, and it’s great that you’re using it to channel your feelings.

It’s completely understandable that there are days when you feel like you’re back at square one. The journey of healing and self-discovery is rarely linear, and it’s normal to face ups and downs. Your realization that it’s not about fighting the waves but recognizing and accepting them as strong emotions is a significant step. It shows a deep understanding of the complexities of life and the importance of acceptance.

Self-compassion is indeed crucial. It’s wonderful that you’re becoming more aware of how you treat yourself and are working on being kinder to yourself. It’s a journey, and recognizing the need for self-love is a powerful first step.

Scaling down on news consumption is a wise choice, as it can help reduce additional stress. Taking one step at a time, with the understanding that there will be setbacks, is a realistic and compassionate approach.

“Expecting a life without sufferings seems to be living in illusion”-
– I completely agree with your insight that expecting a life without suffering is indeed an illusion. Pain and discomfort are inherent parts of the human experience, and recognizing this can help us navigate life with more resilience and understanding. Embracing both the highs and lows allows us a healthier mind and heart. I just communicated with another member on this exact topic less than an hour ago (thread: Old Journal- things that pierce the human heart).

Remember, you’re not alone in this battle. Your resilience and perseverance are commendable. Keep taking those small steps forward, and be gentle with yourself along the way. Wishing you continued strength and peace as you navigate this challenging but rewarding path.

I’ll close with a little poem for you:
Look into the mirror, see beyond the pain,
There’s strength within your gaze, like flowers in the rain.
Hold yourself with kindness, let compassion be your guide.

You’re a tapestry of stories, each thread a vital part,
Woven through with resilience, beauty in your heart.
So when the waves of self-doubt crash upon your shore,
Know that you are loved, today and evermore.

Embrace the dawn’s soft promise, the hope that each day brings,
And let your spirit soar on self-compassion’s wings.
For you are not your darkest thoughts, nor past mistakes you’ve made,
You are the love you give yourself, and in that love, be swayed.

anita