What about those people who turn their victimhood into success? I think people like Oprah Winfrey suffered child abuse and now she champions personal development and healing. People who turn a negative into a positive.
Then I might be talking about material success here. These people look successful on the outside, but what are there close relationships like in adulthood?

I know someone pretty well who suffered child abuse. Guess they never fully trust, always suspicious, but I’d say they’ve achieved a certain happiness, a lot of happiness really. I want to think optimistically about this issue. We can’t just accept that nothing can improve.

I’m definitely not a victim of child abuse. (neglect or physical harm)
I was/am predisposed to sensitivity which made me feel “minor” incidents as “major” incidents. I was and still am an emotional person. But the problem with being emotional is that small negatives can potentially become big negatives. (Ruminator Ron) Of course our emotions work in tandem with the “monkey mind”. Like a vicious cycle, feeding off each other. Eckhart Tolle talks about the “pain body”. (another thread?)
But the people who suffered severe child abuse such as sexual or outrageous neglect, they are the ones I feel sorry for here. I’m sure if it happened to me, I’d be scarred for life. A teenage drug addict and homeless for sure. These people have an excuse for their antisocial behaviour in adulthood.They have an excuse to go off the rails. I don’t have an excuse. I had loving parents and an idyllic childhood really; the occasional older brother bullying but it was more how I reacted to it. I chose to dwell on it and blow it out of proportion. in the scheme of things, it was nothing.

mmm good one Anita…
my problem is more self-esteem related than love related. Does that make incense?
My mother loved me but her self-esteem was low so I never felt it. My father was a gentle guy with moderate to low self-esteem but his love was more effectual. he was more cheerful than my mother. Mum was kind of passive but an extremely hard worker. A good person but if I can be critical she was status conscious and afraid to look silly in front of others. (her family were that way too, conservative)
My parents were protective of me to some extent. I wasn’t allowed to have a bicycle until age 12 whereas my older brothers had one at age. 5 or 6. My father lacked confidence when it came to investments and often consulted my older brothers. I felt my older brothers’ status became that of surrogate parents to us younger ones.
I took longer than my older brothers to forge an identity. Even now, I hesitate to take a strong stand on anything. Who is Jack? What does he stand for? I bet my family can’t answer that question. I have played a low profile role in my family. Example, my older brothers would host family reunions but I don’t have the confidence to say “OK lets have it at my house”. I don’t have the motivation either I guess. I’m afraid I’ll be judged by them for my effort.
I think I love myself if I’m not in a social situation. I am an introvert and can enjoy my own company. I think I have good qualities and a few weaknesses such as lack of courage and focus in a flight or fight scenario.
So Anita you’ve raised an interesting point. Can you have low self-esteem and still love yourself? I think you can….as long as you spend most of your time alone…. 🙂

Dear Anita,

By your definition of victim as someone who has suffered abuse, i am one too. The only difference is that i refuse to let the consequences wreck me like before. Thats why i call myself a survivor now, rather than accept myself as a victim. I have thought like a victim for too long and wallowed in anger and self-pity. I have seen the consequences shatter me in more ways than i can ever explain to anyone. I have had to walk away from the people who hurt me, forgive them as far as i could, let go and start over. I have had to come to terms with the anger, confusion, numbness the younger me felt when all that happened to her. Holding on to the past harmed my present and future way too much. I cant change what happened but I can choose to move forward. The last 2 years in particular, i have been working very hard to recover my self-esteem and untangle those years. I am happier with my life now and am slowly coming to terms with myself. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.

Regards,
Moon