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Once a Victim- Always a Victim?

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  • #399891
    Helcat
    Participant

    I would also add that personally, I do believe that it is possible to overcome even severe abuse.

    It takes a lot of time, hard work, exposure to  positive experiences, kind people and an amazing trauma therapist.

    It doesn’t erase what happened. Or mean that you will never experience the pain you felt ever again. But things can get easier to bear. And one day you may even find yourself going through your day without thinking about those experiences. Even when you do think about those experiences, that is okay too.

    #399892
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Helcat:

    Based on your replies to two of the three dormant 2015 threads that I revived today, I think that there is a misunderstanding: it looks like you read the original post of each one of these two threads and responded to them as if they were written today. These original posts were posted more than six and a half years ago, not today.

    When you wrote in your reply today, “things can get easier to bear. And one day you may even find yourself going through your day without thinking about those experiences”, you are talking to the anita of many years ago.  You are welcome to post on my old threads, but please read the recent, current post in each old thread. Otherwise, reading your replies makes me feel uncomfortable, it feels like taking a walk in the twilight zone. Thank you.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by anita.
    #399895
    Helcat
    Participant

    @anita

    I have only read one of the threads in full. I have responded to your current posts. You frequently reference themes from earlier in the threads.  I do not assume that you need to hear these words specifically, I was sharing my thoughts and experiences. This is a public forum, many people may read them. If someone can find any comfort or use in my thoughts, great. I apologise, it was not my intent to make you feel uncomfortable. If you prefer, I could not reply to these threads you resurrected.

    Perhaps it is important to consider why you feel uncomfortable?

    ”You” can be used in general or plural. The last reply on this thread wasn’t addressed to you personally.

    I simply felt that the thread contained a lot of voices that believed it’s impossible to heal from trauma. I believe the opposite, so I thought it important to share that perspective since it wasn’t present.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by Helcat.
    #399897
    Helcat
    Participant

    *wasn’t abused because of who I am

    #399902
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Helcat:

    If you prefer, I could not reply to these threads you resurrected“- yes, I prefer that you don’t. I read only a little from your recent posts addressed to me and will not read the rest. I do not wish to hurt your feelings, I really don’t, but I don’t want to communicate with you anymore. I will not post to you following the submission of this post, whether you address me or not (please don’t). Goodbye Helcat and I wish you well!

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 6 days ago by anita.
    #399905
    Helcat
    Participant

    I respect your decision. Please feel free to resume contact if you ever change your mind.

    #400454
    Helcat
    Participant

    For people who may wish to view the disagreement.

    #400635
    Lea
    Participant

    Hi, Reader:

    I found this topic very interesting. I wanted to create a reply. Thank you Anita for resurrecting this thread!
    Anita mentioned:

    “we need to accept that we were victims when we were victimized as children, to thoroughly understand that we were innocent, blameless, and that the much older/ adult victimizer was the guilty party. We have to accept that we were truly powerlessness at the time, that there was nothing we could have done to prevent what was done to us.”

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I saw this and a mix of emotions ran through me. Throughout my whole life I was called ‘victim’ and it was a negative thing. ‘Oh look lea is having a pity party again’ etc. I fought against and still kind of do fight against the label. I was bullied throughout school, physically and emotionally. All of that pain I felt was always minimized by the teachers and adults in my life. ‘It’s normal kids squabble all the time’ but looking back I’m certain that what I experienced was not a ‘squabble’.</p>
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I will say with honesty that acknowledging what I experienced as bullying or abuse is difficult for me. Because I know many people have had much worse experiences than I have. If you feel this way I want you as the reader to remember: “you can drown in one foot of water and in ten feet of water. It doesn’t make the pain/consequences any less.” your pain is valid, and things still hurt regardless of what caused the hurt.</p>
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I agree with Anita. I think that accepting that you were innocent when you were victimized  is important to heal. But I also think it easier said then done. Just as with many things in healing, accepting such ideas, (especially when the opposite of what you want to believe has been drilled into you since you were a kid) can be really difficult. Healing in general is so hard. They say it’s much easier to break a cup than fix it. Just to clarify, I’m not suggesting you’re broken or anyone is broken, I’m using this quote as a metaphor for “ pain is easily caused but healing that pain is much harder” healing from trauma/pain is a journey, one that I believe lasts a lifetime.</p>
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>to conclude and remind you, I believe in you. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come in your healing. I’m so proud. What you, dear reader have experienced is valid. What you’re feeling is valid. You are enough as you are. You are whole right now as you read this. I wish you love on your healing journey,</p>
    Lea

     

     

    #400655
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lea:

    You made my evening as well (not only my day, earlier), now that I found out that you posted here as well. I will read and reply in about 12 hours from now.

    anita

    #400657
    Lea
    Participant

    I’m glad Anita. Have a wonderful evening.

    #400692
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lea:

    “I was bullied throughout school… All that pain I felt was always minimized by the adults and teachers in my life” – as long as the adults close their eyes to your pain, they don’t have to do anything about it, it’s easier that way (easier for the adults, that is).

    The biological purpose of pain is to get the individual’s attention to an injury that needs to be attended to, example: your ankle gets injured=> you feel pain in the area of your ankle=> the pain gets your attention => you stop walking on your ankle so to prevent further injury and give your ankle time to heal.

    Let’s expand on this: you expect your parents to protect their child (you) because that’s their biological role.

    You get  bullied in school, suffering a physical &/ or emotional injury=> you feel pain => the pain motivates you to stop further injury and to heal, but you can’t make it happen all by yourself =>  you express your pain to your parents, so that they will stop further injury from happening to you, and in so doing, make it possible for you to heal=> they ignore and/ or MINIMIZE your pain=> your biological instinct directs your body to MAXIMIZE the expression of your pain so that your parents will notice and help you=> your parents mock you, saying “Oh look Lea has a pity party again” => You wrongly believe that you are purposefully exaggerating the expression of your pain (“playing a victim”), not realizing it’s a biological instinct that maximized the expression of your pain.

    * Teachers take the role of substitute parents in the context of school, so you can insert them as well to the above diagram.

    Please take some time to think about it.

    anita

    #400693
    Lea
    Participant

    Wow Anita. Yeah I will definitely think about it. I never thought about it that way. Thank you.

    #400696
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome. It’s a good thing, to think about things in new (and true!) ways.

    anita

Viewing 13 posts - 31 through 43 (of 43 total)

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