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Overthinking and curiosity

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This topic contains 15 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  JHK 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #297977

    JHK
    Participant

    Does overthinking and being curious while asking questions the same?

    Does overthinking hurts a friendship or perhaps the people that is around us?
    <p style=”text-align: right;”>How to stop overthinking?</p>

    #298031

    Zeeza
    Participant

    Hi JHK,

    Being curious is a beautiful part of life because it invites learning. Overthinking is different from deep thinking. Overthinking is like asking the same questions and pressuring yourself for an answer; it usually doesn’t feel good. Deep thinking is like a sequential stream of different questions and it usually feels good. Our power lies in the quality of our questions. (For example instead of phrasing a question of “why can’t I do this right?” reframe it to ask “how can I improve?”, “What resources would help me?”)

    Overthinking or rumination can be hurtful to the person because it is difficult to remain in the present moment. Our emotions such anxiety or sadness can lead us to distorted thinking such as black and white thinking, over magnification, and catastrophizing.

    It is important to recognize that moment of paralysis by analysis and redirect your thoughts to see the forest for the trees so to speak, by deep breathing or grounding your senses such as holding something warm or cold. Some people choose to meditate or journal to help cope.

    Zeeza

    #298033

    JHK
    Participant

    Hi Zeeza

    I realised I do have all the elements of it, I tend to overthink into situations, I am always curious and asking questions and having deep thoughts to certain situations.

    Somehow, overthinking makes the other party annoyed in ways that things may it may not be what it seems. I do not want it to affect my social life as it can be quite tense on myself.

    #298037

    Zeeza
    Participant

    Do you think it is possible that you are overthinking because it is hard to speak the truth simply? Out of fear of the unknown result of speaking the truth? For example, admitting true feelings is scary because one can fear rejection. So instead of saying a simple truth, one tests the waters instead to see if it is safe. Emotions aren’t wrong or right; they are physiological responses to being human and we are animals first. Our logic and understanding of the message behind each emotion helps us choose an action.

    #298041

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Zeeza

    It can be possible but I realise that when I ask a question, be it trivial or serious, I need an answer to it. But questions such as, example “Did you have lunch” isn’t much of a question for me to overthink about. Questions such as, example “Do you think I am annoying” , I do want an answer to it. But I do not ask the same question repeatedly if I do not get an answer to it as it can be annoying.

    I feel that when I overthink, things may be simple but somehow I tend to think it in a few possible ways. But it can be me being insecure that prompts me to be overthinking.

    Because my overthinkng is more towards this female friend of mine whom I got a crush on. I realised that I feel more tense up when I text her sometimes, fearing that no reply will come from her. It makes me being clingy, fearing that it might escalate to becoming possessive which at the moment I am not and I feel very apologetic often because when I feel that I asked unnecessary questions, fearing it might affect me and her.

     

    #298047

    Zeeza
    Participant

    Hey JHK,

    I can understand feeling anxiety when waiting for a text back. I am waiting for a text back from my boyfriend since last night as well. I have thoughts like am I boring? why? running through my mind. Trying to practice self compassion and patience because in this moment I need reassurance that I am ok. I don’t know if this is relatable?

    Sometimes I have to remind myself that feeling this anxiety or tenseness shows how much I care about it and my desire to be thoughtful and considerate.

    What kind of unnecessary questions? do you think there is a way to filter your questions before asking? For example, if you are asking questions out of self doubt like “am I boring?” with the fact that she enjoys being friends with you so it is safe to assume she does not find you boring/annoying.  Maybe rephrasing the question to “what is one of your most favorite memory of ours together?” or something along those lines because it is coming from a place of confidence because you know she enjoys being your friend and her answer to this question may help remind you when in doubt.

    #298051

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Zeeza

    Because our conversation used to be so engaging, but as of now, our conversation seems very stagnant. The anxiety to wait is taxing, because sometimes she does reply but very late and I am keen to have a conversation with her but sometimes she just read and don’t reply. At times, I feel that I am boring or dull to her when it comes to texting sometimes and I feel that I am very clingy towards her. In the past, if she doesn’t reply or she realised she read but didn’t reply, she will send a follow up text, but nowadays she isn’t. Is it because she takes me for granted or perhaps I am overthinking too much?

    Even in a relationship, couple doesn’t reply straight away and will take time e.g. maybe a day to reply?

    It is difficult to determine whether much questions for her seems unnecessary. Because sometimes,  I fear that she doesn’t reply back much and I asked questions to keep the conversation going.

    But I do know that her emotions and feelings are unstable and she can be indecisive at times. I feel that I am having feelings for her again even though I am suppressing it. I have seen girls falling in love easily and I have seen girls who are very persistent in their views towards love.

    Somehow, she is just one in a million.

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by  JHK.
    #298055

    Zeeza
    Participant

    Did something happen between the time you had engaging conversations to stagnant ones? Why are you suppressing feelings for her?

    I usually respond to a message within 24 hours. I find that the best results come from patience. When I feel anxious for a reply, I try to soothe and distract myself and not send more messages so I do not overwhelm/put pressure on the other person.

    I can’t speak for her but when I had a gentlemen texting me constantly I automatically withdrew because the situation was making me nervous. I asked him to send me less texts, to not keep sending me texts every 5 minutes when I am not replying but he did not listen. It is hard to continue meaningful conversations over text. It is easier to connect over a phone conversation or in person because body language and voice adds so much. That is why my boyfriend and I decided we could just call each other instead of text so there isn’t a waiting game.

     

     

     

    #298057

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Zeeza

    Probably she get used to having me around so the conversation somehow got dull. But if replying within 24 hours, is the topic of the conversation can be ongoing?

    I don’t resort to the extent of sending messages every 5 mins and to send another message if she don’t reply back.

    I am suppressing my feelings for her because I enjoy what the friendship that both of us have and when I realised I am having a crush on her, I feel that it is wrong. The feelings for her just comes as it is. When I first know about her, I never even have feelings for her. But somehow slowly, the feelings comes in. Probably around last year December.

    #298059

    Zeeza
    Participant

    Hey JHK,

    I don’t know exactly the situation but in most friendships/relationships the dynamic ebbs and flows. Sometimes we are closer and sometimes there is more distance and it changes as life unfolds.

    “But if replying within 24 hours, is the topic of the conversation can be ongoing?” It all depends if we have the time to connect to pick up the conversation where we left off.

    Do you think it is possible she grew feelings for you too and she is being distant to manage her emotions?

    I think if you share how you truly feel with her and maybe hear what she has to say. You say she is “one in a million” so maybe ask her on a date to her favorite place or something?

    I don’t know if I am being helpful but it sounds like you really care to not lose her and so it keeps you thinking.

    #298061

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Zeeza

    I do agree with you that she keeps me thinking at times. I am not sure if she has feelings for me but I did told her that I got feelings for her and she reply me that she likes me as a friend and doesn’t have feelings for me.

    I never try asking her out on a date before because I feel that she might actually feels that I am being too pushy

    Is this whole matter complicated? I feel that it is actually and finding ways to ease myself.

    #298063

    Zeeza
    Participant

    Facing uncertainties can be difficult. We have this present moment to breathe deeply.

    What have you found useful to ease yourself? (Do you meditate, listen to podcasts or comedians?)

     

     

    #298065

    Zeeza
    Participant

    I find that when I try to suppress my emotions I can overthink. Acknowledging our feelings in a space of acceptance allows us to grow. I am not sure if you would find this article useful.

    https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-feel-your-feelings/

     

    #298073

    JHK
    Participant

    Hello Zeeza

    Even though I try different ways to ease myself, but I find it difficult because whatever I am thinking is occupying my mind.

    Actually, it is not of suppressing my emotions but it is more of suppressing my feelings for her

    #298105

    Mark
    Participant

    JHK

    It seems that overthinking for you is to project out into the future what may or may not occur. It is not being in the present moment. It’s not acceptance of the present moment. It is wanting to make things happen without patients. It is expectations. It is obsessing.  It is worrying over What may or may not be true.

     

    Mark

     

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