Dear Zenith:

It’s 2 weeks after Ramadan. How’s your health?

anita

Dear Zenith: I will read and reply Wed morning.

Anita

Dear Zenith:

No reason to apologize for sharing your thoughts and feelings here. I really want to take the time tomorrow, research things and offer you something of substance. Please feel free to add anything that might be useful for my understanding before I get back to you.

anita

Dear Zenith:

I read through much of what you shared since April 9, 2024, particularly in regard to your parenting, and researched different topics online.

First, I see just how much effort, love, and thought you put into parenting, and I know how exhausting it can be when things feel like a constant battle. You’re doing your best, and I want to acknowledge that before anything else. Your dedication is clear, even when frustration takes over.

As I read, I noticed how much you and your daughter have in common—which explains why your interactions sometimes feel like a clash.

You both have strong-willed personalities and a deep need for control. You get frustrated when things don’t go your way—whether it’s parenting disagreements, friendships shifting, or unexpected changes in plans. Your daughter is the same. She wants control over her routines, food, playtime, and how things happen in her world. When she feels she doesn’t have that control, she pushes back.

You both experience big emotions— emotions that aren’t regulate easily. You feel anger, hurt, frustration when something doesn’t go as expected, and she feels the same when she’s told no, when she can’t play with T, or when routines aren’t fun for her. Neither of you mean to overreact, but emotions come quickly and powerfully.

You’re also both deeply sensitive. You take rejection personally, whether it’s from a friend or a parenting moment that doesn’t go smoothly. Your daughter struggles with feeling left out, losing connection, and not getting what she wants—she reacts just as emotionally to those things as you do.

The biggest challenge? You’re both trying to figure out emotional regulation at the same time. She’s seven, I believe—learning how to manage feelings is still new to her. And for you, you’re learning how to manage frustration as a parent, which is a whole new emotional test. Neither of you are failing—you’re just two emotionally strong people learning alongside each other.

Yet, even in the hardest moments, your strengths shine through: * You have deep self-awareness—you recognize your emotions and try to process them. That’s huge.

* You are committed to parenting, no matter how tough it gets—you want structure, love, and growth for your daughter.

* You are emotionally present—you express love, affection, and care, even when you feel frustrated.

* You have an incredible willingness to learn—you research emotional regulation, attachment styles, and parenting techniques, actively looking for ways to improve.

* You set aside your ego for the sake of connection—even though your friendship with your neighbor changed, you still try to maintain a relationship for your daughter’s sake. That’s resilience.

Right now, parenting might feel like you’re carrying all the responsibility alone. But you and your husband can work as a team, even if you see things differently.

Advice: 1. Start With Your Own Emotional Regulation- Children mirror their parents—if you can regulate your frustration before reacting, she’ll learn to do the same. * When frustration rises, pause. Take a breath, step away, even remind yourself, “She is still learning, and so am I.”

* Adjust expectations- Your daughter may never follow rules perfectly, and that’s okay. Instead of aiming for obedience, focus on progress—small wins matter.

* Reframe control. Instead of enforcing strict rules, offer choices so she feels some autonomy without rejecting structure (e.g., “Would you like to wake up to music or a fun alarm?”).

2. Parenting as a Team- You and your husband approach parenting differently, but neither of you is wrong—you just need a middle ground. If he feels you’re “too strict” and you feel he “gives in too easily,” meet in the middle. Agree on consistent boundaries together, so your daughter gets clear, predictable rules from both parents.

Instead of feeling like you do everything alone, invite him into the process. Ask, “Can we both be on the same page about discipline?”

Discuss natural consequences (cause and effect) instead of punishments. Instead of “no playdates for a month,” explaining why something happens (e.g., “If toys aren’t cleaned, they won’t be available for play”) helps her learn cause and effect.

If he’s softer, his approach might help during tough conversations where she feels resistant.

3. Helping Your Daughter With Emotional Regulation- Since both of you struggle with emotions, working together on emotional regulation could make a difference: * Name emotions in the moment. If she’s frustrated, say, “It looks like you’re upset because you couldn’t play with T today. That’s hard.” Naming feelings helps make them less overwhelming.

* Teach her coping skills. Show her breathing exercises, have her draw feelings, or help her take breaks before reacting.

* Encourage her independence. Right now, she depends heavily on external validation (playdates, fun activities, constant engagement). Teaching her solo hobbies (puzzles, crafts, books) might help her develop self-sufficiency.

Zenith, I know how overwhelming this feels—but you are not failing as a mother. Parenting is messy, and no one has it completely figured out. The fact that you’re thinking, trying, and learning means you are doing the work—even when it feels exhausting.

By regulating your own emotions, leaning on your husband for support, and finding small shifts in how you approach challenges, you can create more peace in your parenting journey.

I see your strength, your effort, and your love—keep going. 💕

anita