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- This topic has 364 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 weeks ago by
anita.
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August 8, 2025 at 6:23 am #448350
anita
ParticipantGood Morning, Zenith: I changed my mind.. please disregard the Goodby 😊
August 12, 2025 at 9:37 am #448484Zenith
ParticipantHey Anita, Good morning. What happened ? Did something trigger you ?
August 12, 2025 at 11:55 am #448491anita
ParticipantHi Zenith, good afternoon- yes, I was definitely triggered — but I don’t think it’s wise for me to unpack it here. Thank you for checking in. How are you doing these days?
Anita
August 12, 2025 at 12:28 pm #448493Zenith
ParticipantSo sorry to hear that.
I was doing ok when I spoke to you last week.My anxiety triggered again during the weekend. I cannot stop obsessing about how my MIL expects me to treat my co sister. I feel like running away from people. I cannot even set a emotional boundary when it comes to myself. I ruminated the same way when my neighbor(my best friend) started getting busy with other people and started ignoring me last year at the same time.
Another thing happening at my work. A new co worker has joined our team. He is a recent graduate and more smarter, assertive than me.My manger assigned a same task to both of us. Initially it was assigned to me and then my manager asked the new co worker to help me with the task. I am pretty new to learning AI stuff. I was figuring out how to do the task he would come up with an answer and he would do the task before me. I wanna learn on my own pace and figure out how to do it. I finished the task by taking in my own way with some feedback from him. I completed the task with in the time frame.
I went to india on a vacation he took over my task and changed it according to his way. I know he was trying to help me. The fact that I didnt like it he changed it and replaced some the stuff. I felt like my whole efforts were wasted. There are two ways of doing it and he thought his is better than mine.
My manger has assigned another task to me last week and he now asked my co worker to help me. I dont want my efforts to get wasted. I feel like the new co worker is overstepping when it comes to my work. Should I talk to manager about this ?
August 12, 2025 at 3:36 pm #448496anita
ParticipantThank you, Zenith. I’m out and about, using my phone. I’ll read all and reply tonight or Wed morning.
August 12, 2025 at 6:11 pm #448497Zenith
ParticipantI mustered some courage and spoke to my manager and told him that not assign us the same task as I wont get a chance to grow if i dont figure out things on own.I got so anxious to set that boundary.But I did it. He agreed with me 🙂
August 12, 2025 at 6:14 pm #448498anita
ParticipantStill not home to reply further, but for now÷ truly, I am proud of you!!!
August 12, 2025 at 7:11 pm #448499Zenith
Participant😄
August 13, 2025 at 8:56 am #448518anita
ParticipantDear Zenith:
I hear how overwhelmed and anxious were feeling starting this past weekend — both at home and at work. It makes sense that you’re triggered when it feels like your space, your pace, or your emotional boundaries aren’t being respected. You’re not wrong for feeling hurt, frustrated, or like you want to pull away from people. These feelings are real, and they deserve compassion.
When those anxious thoughts start looping, here are a few mantras you can gently repeat to yourself: “I’m allowed to take up space.”, “My pace is valid.”, “It’s okay to feel hurt. I can still choose how I respond.”, “I am learning. I am growing. I don’t need to compare.”
“I mustered some courage and spoke to my manager…”- Zenith, this is huge! You did something incredibly brave — not just speaking up, but doing it with clarity and self-respect. Setting that boundary, especially when anxiety is loud, takes real strength. You honored your growth, your learning style, and your voice. That’s not small. That’s wisdom in action.
The fact that your manager listened and agreed shows how powerful self-advocacy can be when it’s rooted in truth. You didn’t demand or defend — you simply named what you needed. That’s the kind of boundary-setting that builds trust and respect.
Let this moment remind you:
“I can speak up, even when I’m scared.”
“My needs are valid.”
“Courage doesn’t mean I’m not anxious. It means I act anyway.”
So proud of you for choosing growth over silence. You’re showing up for yourself in all the right ways. Keep going — you’re building something strong.
Sending care your way. Anita
August 13, 2025 at 9:43 am #448522Zenith
ParticipantThanks for your kind words Anita.
I am glad my manager listened to me wothout getting offended.I am happy that I took a stand and it was indeed scary. I am gonna teach my little one the same thing.
The only thing i am obsessed my is my mil.i cant get this thing out of my head.
My mils mother treats her the same.My mil has a younger brother.Her mother treats her son better than and dil.I feel like she is just passing on the generational trauma to me but not to my cosister.
I forgot to add my mil would control the way i dressed. My co sister can wear whatever she wants.I wore a tank top under a top beacuse the neckline was too low.She asked me to hide it whrere my co sister wore a skirt and crop top and her mid riff was showing she didnt say anything to her. She is so controlling when it comes to me.i wish I could have set the boundary with her.
Last year my mils mother commented on the way i dressed and she told me that i looked like old woman as i bleached my hair.i still forgave her and moved on and didnt say a thing.
I am beating myself for not taking a stand anf playing all those conversations in my head.
Eveny husband gets treated the same way.His brother is the king of the house.But atleast they dont control him what to wear like me.August 13, 2025 at 11:25 am #448530anita
ParticipantZenith, you’ve come so far — your courage with your manager shows that you can speak up, even when it feels scary. You don’t need to keep replaying the past in your head alone.
If it feels right, you could begin by telling the relevant people things like:
“I’ve stayed silent before to keep peace, but I realize now that it hurt me.”, “When I’m treated differently than my co-sister, it makes me feel small and judged.”, “I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I’d appreciate not being commented on.”
Keep your tone calm, like you did with your manager — firm but not confrontational. You’re not asking for permission, just naming what’s no longer okay.
And if you’re not ready to say it face-to-face, even journaling or practicing it aloud can help you anchor your voice.
You’re allowed to be heard, and to protect what brings you peace.
With care, Anita
August 13, 2025 at 11:33 am #448532Zenith
ParticipantMy mil is not with me right now.I dont want to confront her now.
I want to confront her when the situation comes.
Right now i want to stop obsessing about how she should treat me and how should i confront her.I dont want to do it in my head.August 13, 2025 at 11:35 am #448535Zenith
ParticipantThis obsessive thinking is driving me crazy and i am unable to focus on my work.
August 13, 2025 at 12:04 pm #448537anita
ParticipantMaybe it will help to confront her right here, in your thread, to imagine you are talking to her and type away whatever comes to mind? (Stream of consciousness journaling kind of thing)?
August 13, 2025 at 1:06 pm #448538Zenith
ParticipantI dont think i am comfortable doing it here.
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