Dear Zenith:

That wasn’t a rant, only 10 sentences (I counted, lol). Good thing you don’t suppress yourself at home and with your parents. You said that you will spend most of your time in India with your parents. Is this still the plan? That would make your visit a less suppressive/ more expressive, way better for your health!

“It’s just when I am with my in laws and co workers or with new people“- I remember that you shared about the rich relatives who used to criticize your parents who were poor, a long time ago. I wonder if you are projecting your very critical and rude relatives into your in-laws, as in re-experiencing your critical relatives when you are spending time with your in-laws (who may be rich too, like the relatives?)

“I tell my kiddo others’ opinion doesn’t matter and how people react is beyond your control. But its hard for me to follow. I have become so highly sensitive“- if you found a way to lessen this sensitivity.. to calm it down enough so that you can follow your own advice..

anita

Dear Zenith:

“I should not wear shorts in front of my on laws. I have to dress certain way… I hate the fact that I have to suppress my personality in front of them.“- think of it this way, if you will: here in the U.S., where you live, you still have to suppress your personality in regard to what you wear, depending on the place you are in: you can wear a bikini to the swimming pool, but not to the supermarket; you go for a jog wearing sweats, but not to a party;  certain restaurants have dress codes… so you/ we all adjust to the place we’re in. And so, you adjust to your in-laws’ home by wearing long pants in their home/ in their company.

Prepare for your visit in India, prepare your reactions to different scenarios. That will make it easier for you, once you are there.

“I hate…”- Try to not hate anyone or anything because your hate hurts you: it’s unnecessary suffering for you. And I wouldn’t want you to suffer when it’s .. optional, when you don’t have to!

anita

Dear Zenith:

When you Notice that you feel hatred toward another person, Pause (as in pushing the brakes on the hating), Address the situation, asking yourself: is there a situational problem that requires me to do/ say something to someone, or is it just a rumination? Next, Respond: say/ do what needs to be said/ done (if there is a situational problem), and say to yourself: “The hatred towards others is affecting me the most” (your own words, from your most recent post), and lastly Redirect your attention elsewhere.

I call it the NPARR Strategy. It might help you once you are in India, and you can practice it there and beforehand.

anita

You are welcome, Zenith!

anita

I am okay, about to shower and go outside, do some  work under the sun.

anita