Peace of mind - release him from my heart.

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This topic has 18 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 4 months ago by Anonymous.

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July 28, 2019 at 1:02 am #305269

Peggy
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Dear Alizee2007,

I don’t know if I can add anything more to what I have already said. You have a very full life but you don’t have a love interest. You didn’t want a love interest so you filled your life with projects etc. You have some good friends and this man is now one of them. It’s natural to want to be part of a loving relationship. How long are you prepared to wait for this person to make a move? Slip a note into his pocket saying that if he wants to talk more here is how he can contact you. You’ve been churning this over in your mind for two years yet you haven’t even acted upon “I’ve just met my future husband”. Have you ever expressed “I feel as if I’ve known you forever.” I wish I was there at one of your meetings – I’d give you a great big push into his arms.

Plan A: You want a loving relationship and you want it to be with him. Action taken: None

Obstacles: You don’t want to spoil your friendship/working relationship. You don’t want to appear pushy or desperate. You haven’t found the right opportunity to invite him out. He’s higher up on the career ladder than you. He may not be single. He may not be romantically interested in you. You may not have the skills necessary to approach him in a certain way. You feel powerless and “out of control”. You are outside your comfort zone. You are not communicating effectively.

Plan B: There isn’t one.

Obstacles: You are not prepared to put yourself into the dating market for fear of wasting energy on a potential partner who may be able to offer you the love that you are now seeking. You are accepting that you are lonely but you are not actually prepared to do very much about it. You’ve put all your eggs into one basket. It’s a long time since you’ve been in a relationship.

“In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take” – Lewis Carroll

Peggy

July 28, 2019 at 3:59 am #305277
alizee2007
Participant
Peggy, your most recent post really got me thinking … you are so right in everything you just said! “Slip a note into his pocket saying that if he wants to talk more here is how he can contact you” — he already has all my contact details. We talk on the phone and send texts on various occasions but the communication is liked to our work collaboration or the friendship that we developed.

“You’ve been churning this over in your mind for two years yet you haven’t even acted upon “I’ve just met my future husband”. Have you ever expressed “I feel as if I’ve known you forever.”” — I never told him that, but now that you mention it, I see no harm in telling him that and see his reaction. It’s the pure truth, nobody ever made me feel this way.

“I wish I was there at one of your meetings – I’d give you a great big push into his arms”. You made me smile! Yes, I could your your help, because I can’t seem to find a way to approach him…

And the 2 plans that you mentioned greatly synthesize my problem and the root of my depression. I will definitely think this through.
- This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by alizee2007.
July 28, 2019 at 7:07 am #305297

Peggy
Participant

Hi Alizee2007,

I hope you can move this forward. Is he close enough location wise to link up for a coffee/lunch when you are having one of your friendship chats. Can you perhaps drop into the conversation that you have some free time the following Saturday/Sunday or whenever and you would like some company?

Look forward to hearing your thoughts on all of the above.

Peggy

July 28, 2019 at 9:41 am #305347

Anonymous
Guest

Dear alizee2007:

You wrote to me: “Question is- how do I do that?”

My answer: in an adequately private setting, away from others, ask him if it is okay with him that you share with him something very private, that you do not expect him to respond right there and then, and so, after you share, you will walk away so to give him space.

If he clearly states that it is okay with him, then tell him how you have felt about him for so long, just as you shared it here, on your thread, and tell him that with enthusiasm.

Then walk away.

anita
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