Perfectionism is getting the better of me

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    Rohail Bukhari

    Perfectionism is getting the better of me.

    i currently live with my parents and i dont have a job because i help our family business at the mall. i dont want to go to college because i hate school and i sure as heck dont want a job. the last time i had a job i wanted to kill myself because of the abuse from my supervisor.

    i have a passion for sharing my ideas with people, but perfectionism is getting the better of me. im constantly afraid of failure and that no one is going to be interested in what i have to share. i constantly see other people succeeding in their field and i always feel like there isnt a place for me.

    i didnt grow up very popular, i had no friends and i feel like this is affecting my behavior today, and whenever i shared my ideas with people, no one really cared and treated me like i wasnt important enough. i feel like im drowning.

    how can i truly get past my perfectionism?


    I believe your perfectionism can be a useful talent in many jobs.

    Altough, I get the impression that your self-confidence is not very high because of your unpopular time in school. I think working on your self-confidence might be a good thing.


    Dear Rohail Bukhari:

    In your two previous threads of 2016 you did not share anything about your past, I believe. Here you do share for the first time. You shared that you didn’t grow up popular, had no friends, that when you shared your ideas with people, “no one really cared and treated me like I wasn’t important enough. I feel like drowning”-

    Reads to me that this childhood experience of not being important, of your ideas not worthy of consideration and respect, has been a very painful experience that you keep experiencing.

    You asked: “how can I truly get past my perfectionism?”- my answer is: share here, share your ideas, post after post, over time, and I will consider your ideas respectfully. I will treat your ideas as important enough to be considered, and you, as important enough to listen to attentively and respectfully.

    I wrote that this is my answer, that is, it is what I can do for you. Not that it will solve your problem, but this is what I can do for you. The more such experiences you have in your life, the better it will be for you.

    You need a different treatment from people than the treatment you received as a child and to relax into new, better experiences.




    Hi Rohail,

    At least you are doing something, you are helping your family.

    What I would do is, since you are already at the mall, to get a job there. Hear me out: You have the luxury now to scope out all the stores that are hiring and quietly check out the people who WOULD be your supervisor. You will want someone young and super nice.

    You are a different person than you were when you were younger. You are a grown man now. People who don’t know you will instinctively listen to EVERYTHING you have to say. It’s a grown up world now, and you are one of them. It’s all good.



    Rohail Bukhari

    thank you guys for the feedback.

    and i just told my mother that im trying to succeed in an online business. i believe i can do it and i have realistic expectations.

    i would like to make $1,000 in the next 6 months. but this is just a beginning goal for me. its not what i intend to keep making forever. i would like to increase it. i think i can do it, since i have no job and i am not going to school and im just working at my family shop and im getting paid a little bit there. i believe i have all the time i need.

    but my mother says that she wont support me until i get the result. and she immediately started to automatically become cynical and judged me, and because i was trying to protect myself from letting her negativity get to me, i tried to change the subject by interrupting her while she was nagging me. i knew this would happen. i know my mom well enough to know that she has no control over her emotions. but the reason why i told her is to just let her know that this is what im trying to do and this is what i want to do, so that she doesnt sit there and wonder what im trying to do with my life. so it would be nice if she can support me. but if she wont….this is what i have trouble with.

    how can i not let the pressure of my mom get to me while im trying to succeed in an online business. i have spent 3 years studying online business while also working on myself, and i have a pretty thorough idea about what it actually takes. should i just disregard any cynical ideas my mom says and understand that i am not responsible for her happiness? because she just wants me to succeed quickly so that she doesnt feel insignificant about her son not succeeding. she compares me to my cousins who are married, have children, and have a corporate job. and she will only love me until these things happen. the idea of an online business is foreign to her because she has been taught to think that the only way to make money is through a job.

    she doesnt understand that everybody’s life experiences are different. and that you are never too late to succeed. there are so many people who succeeded at a later age but my mom thinks that by 23 im supposed to be married, have kids, and have a house, and a wife that will be her servant and help her around the house

    how can i protect myself and keep persisting regardless of what she says. any thoughts? i appreciate it


    Mr Bukhari

    Many people feel tortured by the expectations of their mothers and fathers. They want the best for you, beacuase they love you, even if it doesn’t seem like it

    You can protect yourself quite simply by working with every bit of your being towards your new business

    In the satisfaction of your own work, you’ll find peace, contentment and meaning.


    Dear Rohail Bukhari:

    You do not have your mother’s approval. What you have is her disapproval. It is natural for a child, minor or adult, to need and want the parent’s approval. But you don’t have it.

    Better stop trying to get it.

    Better stop aiming at it. Best you can, distance yourself from her emotionally. Look at her as a person who disapproves of you. For your need to be approved of, aim at being approved of by someone else. Not her.

    Can you do that, give up (over time, starting with forming the intent) on ever getting her approval?




    Anita, your feedback is amazing.  Keep it up!

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