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Please help me move on

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #164892
    Kittycat100
    Participant

    Hello everyone – I have been seeing a man who I thought was  a very nice person – I was totally in love with him but I have recently found out that he has been seeing others.  This has all happened in the workplace and I am so embarrassed that I was taken in by this man.  I have found out that he has slept with at least two other female colleagues….I am devastated by this as I am usually a good judge of character, and level-headed.  Has anyone any advice to help me move on from this…..it is making me feel ill, plus I still have to see him at work.  Thank you x

    #164904
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kittycat100:

    To understand better I ask:

    When you wrote that you were “seeing a man”, do you mean dating? If so, for how long did you date him?

    were you in an exclusive relationship with this man, that is in a relationship where you both expressed that he is the only man you are dating and he expressed that you are the only woman he is dating?

    anita

    #164922
    Kittycat100
    Participant

    Hello Anita

    Yes, it was dating and yes it was (supposedly) an exclusive relationship on both sides. I just need to clear him, and the situation, out of my head but it wont go.

    Thank you x

    #164946
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Kittycat100,

    I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. Did he tell you he was intimate with these women, or was it rumors or gossip? Did he do this before he was seeing you exclusively. I once fell for a man at work..hard. They had a strict “no dating” policy. So, we just met up for drinks outside the office, went to dinner, movies. I was smitten. Then he asked me to a Christmas party. My friend was there. I introduced them and went to the bathroom. When I came out I could not find him. I went out to the balcony where they were drinking eggnog and slowdancing. I never spoke to him or my friend again..even though he said “it was nothing”. I swore I would never date a man I worked with. Too much awkwardness.

    #164956
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Kittycat100:

    You wrote: “I am so embarrassed that I was taken in by this man….I am devastated by this as I am usually a good judge of character, and level-head”-

    My input/ advice: even good judges of character and level headed people get hurt and betrayed. If you could remove the shame (embarrassment is a degree of shame) from your experience, it will be easier for you. It is not your fault that you were betrayed, not your doing, and it is not possible for you- or for anyone- to always spot dishonesty. Everyone can be fooled some of the time.

    Remove the shame and you are left with the hurt of being betrayed, and the anger, I suppose?

    anita

    #165290
    quackingphilosopher
    Participant

    Hello dear,

    Thank you for sharing your concerns. Your worries matter a lot to others, and I’m glad you opened up.

    What I can suggest to you is now that you know of this man’s character, then steer clear of him. He gives you negative vibes now, does he not? I know this is simpler said than done, but know that it really is not worth it spending time thinking of him any further. Instead, think about yourself and the people who are more significant in your life like your family and friends.

    He is now like a thorn that needs to be plucked off before it continues to hurt you any further. Nobody can help you except for yourself in moving on, but let me know what you feel because we all will be here to give you moral encouragement in this journey.

    Lots of love,

    Jun Na

    #165404
    Kittycat100
    Participant

    Oh what lovely replies!! Thank you so much.  Jun Na – thank you especially for your words of wisdom.  Yes, he is giving me negative vibes….they are awful.  I have printed off all replies here and will keep looking at them so that I can finally begin to heal these wounds.

     

    Again, thank you to all xxx

    #165442
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Kittycat100. Post again, if you’d like.

    anita

    #165446
    Kittycat100
    Participant

    Also I forgot to say that this is the first man I’ve loved for 7 years!!  I guess I made the wrong choice!  xx

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