Please help me.. please give me some advice, i don't know what to do anymore..

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This topic has 47 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.

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December 30, 2018 at 7:19 am #271497

Anonymous
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Dear Agnes1205:

You are welcome.

“do you think she’ll actually hurt herself when I left her?”-

-You already tried to hurt yourself by swallowing lots of pills. You didn’t write about her doing such a thing. So I would say, based on history, you are more likely to hurt yourself if you stay, than she is likely to hurt herself if you leave.

Reads to me that she has a strong motivation to feel loved by making another person suffer, causing another person to be afraid for her life. This person has been you for a while. If and when you leave her, she will find another person. Maybe that guy she mentioned was such person already, maybe she told him similar things she told you.

But it is her motivation to make another suffer that will motivate her to live. She gets a thrill in seeing another worry for her life, seeing another feeling guilty, so she is likely to keep reaching for that thrill.

Basically, your choice is between remaining her victim or freeing yourself, don’t you think?

anita

December 30, 2018 at 8:05 am #271499
Mark
Participant
Agnes1205,

Even without therapy, you still can make changes. Do you have face-to-face friendships? Do you do activities that take you away from the computer/phone?

Create a life for yourself that does not rely on a person who you have not met.

Mark
- This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Mark.
December 30, 2018 at 9:45 am #271519

Agnes1205
Participant

I’ll try my best to forget about her, thank you Anita.. it really helps me a lot. is it okay if i ask you another question and some advice if someday she’s back or something like that? im sorry if it’s disturbing you…

December 30, 2018 at 9:50 am #271521

Agnes1205
Participant

yes i have…i always go to her place whenever i need someone to talk to, but sometimes she just gave me some advice like i have to hate everyone and just stop caring for anyone, and sometimes I’ll just confused what should i do. and also yes sometimes i have some activities to do, but sometimes it’ll just makes me even more depressed than before or just feels like im so tired.. i hope someday I’ll get better.. i don’t know for sure.

December 30, 2018 at 10:28 am #271525

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Agnes1205:

You are not disturbing me at all. You are welcome to post here anytime and when I read from you I will be glad to reply to you. You can post again later in the day, tomorrow, in a week from now, whenever you need to.

anita

December 30, 2018 at 11:28 am #271535

Agnes1205
Participant

and lastly, should i still give her a birthday gift? I’ve ever promised her to payback what she ever give to me in my birthday.. i know this question might be sounds silly, but im still questioning this to myself..

December 30, 2018 at 11:38 am #271541

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Agnes1205:

It doesn’t matter if you give her a birthday gift or not, if it makes you feel better, send her a gift. The important thing is that you end all contact with her as soon as possible and keep it this way.

I will be back to the computer in about seventeen hours from now. Take good care of yourself.

anita

December 30, 2018 at 12:59 pm #271545
Agnes1205
Participant
hey.. as you may know.. i was feeling a little bit better, but i just find out that she’s back online on that dating site for a long time.. but she’s still ignoring me on whatsapp. I honestly feels like getting back into that depression.. i feel like im useless, and i feel like im not good enough for her this whole time. i feel so tired now, i just want to sleep for a long time until i forget about her… but now, to be honest I’ve losing some sleep these weeks…I’ve tried to take some rest now but idk why i keep picturing her with someone new, and it hurts so bad. im stuck…i cant live with this anymore it’s too much
- This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Agnes1205.
December 31, 2018 at 3:38 am #271585

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Agnes1205:

I am sorry to read that you were feeling so badly when you last posted. I hope you feel better soon!

Only yesterday you were worried about her, “do you think she’ll actually hurt herself when I left her? or when she’s alone?” you asked me. A day after you posted the answer to your question: “I just find out that she’s back online on that dating site for a long time.. but she’s ignoring me on WhatsApp”-

-You don’t have to worry about her anymore, do you? She is not alone and she chooses, once again, to not communicate with you.

She is motivated to live, to seek, to make something happen for herself.

When you most recently reached out to her on WhatsApp, sending her messages, what did you write to her in those messages?

anita

December 31, 2018 at 5:33 am #271599

Agnes1205
Participant

last night i fell asleep at 4 am, then when i woke at 7 am.. i checked on my phone and it turns out she replied my text at 5 am. i didn’t try to reaching for her anymore so far. i’ve ignoring everyone, i’ve turned off my phone.. i think i’ll turned it off for some months or even more, idk it’s the right decision or not. i still feel so fucked up to be honest, i kinda feel that suicidal thoughts back again, especially in the middle of the night.. i cant sleep.

December 31, 2018 at 5:57 am #271603

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Agnes1205:

Tell me a bit about your life: do you live with your parents/siblings, about how old are you, are you employed, how do you spend your days and what are your plans for your future?

anita

December 31, 2018 at 6:10 am #271605

Agnes1205
Participant

yes i live with my parents, i have a brother but he’s in another city. my parents usually not at home, im alone. im not employed, im 19 years old and im just a college student. i usually just listening to some music and maybe sometimes just stare at nothing and sometimes i’ll just think about anything too much. i dont have any plans anymore.

December 31, 2018 at 6:21 am #271609

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Agnes1205:

Do you remember a time when you did have plans, when you looked forward for something to happen, excited about it?

Before this woman, I mean.

Tell me about it, will you, how old were you, what was it you looked forward to, what happened next?

anita

December 31, 2018 at 6:37 am #271613

Agnes1205
Participant

before i met this woman, i actually have some plans.. i used to have a plans like..get a job someday after i finished my study and then do everything what i want, do some bad and crazy things like drunk, using drugs, sleep with anyone i want to.. then kill myself. believe it or not,that’s my plans.. and i used to think about this plans like when im 17-18 years old i guess….and is it weird i feel so excited to think about that plans and im so excited to just kill myself in the end? , i already hate my life that much even before i met her. but after i met her i feel so happy and somehow im not thinking about that dumb plans anymore, after i met her i always think about to meet her there in her country and then spend my whole life with her. i dont know what to say about my life anymore anita… im so lost and confused right now, i dont know who i am, i dont know should i keep living or not, i dont kow what my life is…

December 31, 2018 at 6:58 am #271619

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Agnes1205:

I had a similar plan myself, get a fancy room in a fancy hotel, eat in the best restaurants, have fun until I run out of money and then … well, same final act you mentioned.

But as I dreamed that, part of me didn’t want to die. Just like happened with you, part of you that wants to live focused on this woman as your hope, as your reason to live.

Eventually, I figured I am going to die anyway, we all will, and I didn’t have a reason to rush it.

All your pain and despair will eventually end, that is good news, isn’t it? Don’t rush it, the pain will end eventually. But what if the pain can end sooner than later by living better, wiser? What if you found a reason, or a purpose other than this woman.

What is it that you valued so much about this woman, what is it that attracted you to her (never met her in person, correct?)?

anita
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