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Pls i beg, anyone help me with this every year issue of mine

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  • This topic has 126 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by Anonymous.
Viewing 15 posts - 76 through 90 (of 127 total)
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  • #415238
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I feel hurt seeing both of our pics, like i keep imagining if she leave me due to LDR like leaving our city, i’m going to look at that pic with full of sadness….. i may not be able to handle that trauma…

    I’ll do everything to make her stay…. I’ll do my best to make her happy….

    #415239
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    The above thread was the continuation of the previous thread….

    #415332
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Eric

    It’s good to hear that your girlfriend doesn’t judge you. That is a wonderful quality to have in a partner.

    How did the date go?

    It sounds like you’re still uncertain about posting  about your relationship on social media. It sounds like your fears might be linked to your trauma of being bullied. Does it bring up some old thoughts and feelings?

    #415334
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear helcat,

     

    Yes im still uncertain whether to post the relationship on social media or not…. I need to be absolutely ready regarding all the judgements….

    This issue does bring up some old thoughts, like what i’ve shared before that people tease my small house, and also i used to get mocked due to my family business which is an aquarium store as the shop is wet, and of course sometimes people make fun and underestimate me due to my appearance which is short….

    And also i fear most boys (who followed my social media) might notice and look at her…. I dont want those boys to look at her and get attracted….. But i also want to post our relationship to show that she already has a boyfriend….

     

     

     

    The date went well, but i did some mistakes… at night we watch stand up comedy show, but i didnt know the stand up comedy would have a lot of 18+ jokes…. I’m so afraid she might judge me, i blame myself why didnt i check more detail about it…. But luckily i think she’s quite ok with the show and doesnt judge or blame me…..

    Also on that day i was so hasty, that i wanna quickly impress her…. I present her a valentine gift (not the handbag or bracelet) but a box filled with our pics and a letters that i wrote…. And her respond is very normal and not surprised or emotional….. and she laugh and told me that i give this too quick….. I really blame myself…. I was too worried that i might give her too much gifts on valentines day so i decided to give this one earlier, but turns out i was too quick…..

     

     

     

    So on valentines day, which is tomorrow…. I plan to surprise her with the bracelet and handbag…. At first i plan to just give it to her along with the flowers when she get in the car… but i dont want her to have a normal reaction….. i also dont know what to write (as i plan to give a letter too for the gifts on valentines day) as all my ideas are written in the letter of that box (the box in which she has a normal reaction)…. She used to told me that she feels more emotional when there isnt a lot of people… so i cant surprise her in the hotel (the place where we are going to have our valentine dinner), then the surprise must be at my car…

    I want to surprise her by asking her to close her eyes and put on the bracelet for her…. But im confused on how should i surprise her with the handbag… also with the flowers….

    #415339
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    As the event is tomorrow,

    I really feel so uneasy today, that i feel like i need to have the best preparation so everything will be perfect and i wont make mistakes….

    But im still confused on how to surprise her, and also regarding the decision to post on social media…..

    #415344
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Eric

    I’m glad your date went well! Stand up with adult jokes sounds wonderful. I’m glad she managed to make time for it.

    It doesn’t sound like you made a mistake giving the gift of letters and pictures before Valentine’s Day. It is a very sweet and thoughtful gift. Perhaps her comment could be to do with it’s not Valentine’s Day yet, so she wasn’t expecting a gift? It’s not really a bad thing.

    It’s good that you remembered that she isn’t comfortable expressing her feelings around other people. Perhaps this is why her reaction was normal? Your plan to exchange gifts in a private setting sounds like a good one.

    I think the bonus of getting the letters and pictures early is that it can take time to read and look through them all. It’s a nice way to set the emotional frame up for Valentine’s Day.

    #415345
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    And about the social media, do u have any opinions on it?
    As i still havent decide whether i should post it or not….

    As well as how i should surprise her with the bracelet and handbag, do u have any opinions on it?

    #415347
    Helcat
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Eric</p>
    <p style=”text-align: left;”>I think deciding whether or not you want to post about your relationship is a very personal decision. It’s not really for me to have an opinion about it.</p>
    At the moment it sounds like part of you wants to and part of you doesn’t. I think whatever you choose will be the right decision for you. You make good decisions!

    Please correct me if I’m wrong. I thought you were talking about surprising her with them in your car? Considering that you said that she has difficulty expressing emotions in public. That sounds like a good idea if you would like to see her express herself freely.

    #415375
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear helcat,

     

    As your partner said nothing is concrete. Plans are subject to change.

    = i’d like to re-discuss this,

    Yes it is still nothing concrete, but the possibility of it happening is quite big, and if i could do anything to prevent it i would…. But i cant, it’s all personally on her….
    So on this issue, do u think there’s nothing i could do besides hoping that she wont go and keep staying in my city?

    Actually her plans are after she graduated from her uni (as she’s attending uni in our city), she plans to study fashion design for 3 months in the capital and see how it goes, she told me her mom already given her the approval…. I have about a year till she graduate, so i can spend a year with her in this city…. But it’d like to prevent her from going to the capital…. She told me it’s not fixed yet, as it’s all in her decision….
    I’m afraid that if she decided to study for 3 months in the capital, she gets more opportunity there and prefers there than our city, that way she wont go back…. And i really fear that so much……

    Sometimes i woke up few times in my sleep when it’s not my alarm yet, i woke up fearing that she’ll go to the capital and get more opportunities there and doesnt come back… It’s very very painful, how i wish people understand this….

     

    What’s ur opinion about regarding this re-discussion?

    Do u think i should hurry up and be good at what im doing now (my job) so she’d stay? As if i’m good with my job she might feel sure to be with me and plans to stay?

    #415376
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I thought you were talking about surprising her with them in your car? Considering that you said that she has difficulty expressing emotions in public. That sounds like a good idea if you would like to see her express herself freely.

    = yes, i’m planning to surprise her in the car, but the problem is there are 2 gifts which is a handbag and a bracelet and i plan to surprise those 2 gifts separately….

    The handbag will be before the dinner and the bracelet will be after the dinner….. but in ur opinion do u think im giving her too much? I’m afraid she might have a bad impression on me that i give her too many gifts… because if im not wrong, at first u said that one of the handbag or bracelet is enough is it?

     

     

     

     

    Also i wanna share a bit, and thank you helcat for always listening to me… im really really grateful for it 🥹

    So i used to hate my city as its boring, and i have no purpose here and i have very little friends…. But since i met her, everything changed i love my city, i have a purpose here, i want to spend lots of time with her here, yes im planning to have holidays in other places with her, but regarding the place where im residing i want it to be here with her….

    #415386
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Eric

    Regarding the gifts – this is another case where your opinion matters more than mine. What you believe will provide relief.

    Do you think you made a good choice with the gifts? It’s okay to brag a little here 😉 Perhaps this is something else to add to the list of what makes you a good boyfriend?

    I’m glad that being with your girlfriend has been a healing experience for you and you’re enjoying spending time with her in your city. I hope that getting to know someone who is kind and treats you well encourages you to meet more people who are also kind. That way you can build up a strong network of good friends.

    Whilst you do have worries I notice that you are making good decisions for yourself. It’s great to see your confidence building. You are always welcome! 😊

    #415387
    Helcat
    Participant

    I think one of the best things to help anxiety is to have lots of positive experiences and meet kind people.

    Aside from therapy, this was the main thing that helped me.

    #415406
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I still cant believe that i gave her a luxurious handbag because of my insecurity…. I think my mindset is messed up now, i dont want to be a person that keeps showing off….

    Why do i always make mistakes, and cant do things correctly…. Even on an important occasion like valentines day….. I always disappoint myself, when im trying to do my best for myself….

    Is everything have to be this complicated and stressful?

     

     

    I keep thinking that now im in a relationship, i need to do better at my job… but if i keep overthinking like this, feeling worried and anxiety… how can i improve it? Cause working/jobs could affect the relationship, and if i cant do my job it will cause negative effects to the relationship…. Right now im only learning at the office, i still cant do anything yet….. i dont want this issue to disrupt the relationship…. It’s really really tiring…..

    #415407
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I posted two posts above, but one of the posts are  awaiting moderation…. So it might come out late…

    #415408
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Do u think as a guy i’m “pathetic”? That i keep living my life like this…. Full of issues and overthinking….. Havent been able to work properly, basically only learning everyday in the office…. And i feel less pressure because it is my own office, whereas other people are working on their own….. i sound like really lazy and spoilt right?

Viewing 15 posts - 76 through 90 (of 127 total)

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