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Possessiveness

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Susannah 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #145903

    Rogue
    Participant

    I have been going out with a young man for a year now. He wants to take things slowly, but I feel like I’m already so into him. I get angry when he doesn’t reply to my messages on time. I get angry when he doesn’t pick my call. I get angry when he changes his plan to come and spend time with me. I sometimes even doubt that he is going out with other girls, and get upset over that. I told him recently that I’m possessive about him, and he told me he doesn’t like it. I’m very confused on how I can change that in me. Please give me your suggestions

    #146779

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Rogue,

    The way not to be possessive about him is to change your mind about him. It sounds like he has consistently blown you off. Once you stop texting, calling, hoping, talking, and wishing he might become better. Let him take the lead from now on.

    Best,

    Inky

    #146781

    Jennifer
    Participant

    Hi Rogue- I used to be the same way. My scenario was that my then boyfriend did not really want to rush things. As for me, I secretly wanted to get married before the age of thirty. I was 29, we were dating for three years and I felt it was finally time to tie the knot. He did not think so. As a last resort, I bought this book about how to get him to want to marry you. Basically what it involved was not answering all his phone calls, playing a little bit hard to get and also saying no if he asks you out the same day. Like, if it was Monday morning and at lunch he asked you out to dinner. Apparently, ‘having other plans’ will cause him to yearn for you better. Well, it worked and here I am today, married to him 🙂 P.S. very cool username..

    #146783

    Jennifer
    Participant

    Hi Rogue- I used to be the same way. My scenario was that my then boyfriend did not really want to rush things. As for me, I secretly wanted to get married before the age of thirty. I was 29, we were dating for three years and I felt it was finally time to tie the knot. He did not think so. As a last resort, I bought this book that someone on BetterHelp mentioned about how to get him to want to marry you. Basically what it involved was not answering all his phone calls, playing a little bit hard to get and also saying no if he asks you out the same day. Like, if it was Monday morning and at lunch he asked you out to dinner. Apparently, ‘having other plans’ will cause him to yearn for you better. Well, it worked and here I am today, married to him 🙂 P.S. very cool username..  By the way, I was feeling as if I was almost going to suffer from clinical depression when things turned around for me! lol

    #149601

    Rogue
    Participant

    Thank you for your replies. I have been trying to let him take the lead, but I worry about him, and text him asking how he is once a week. Do you think I should stop doing that too?

    #149605

    Susannah
    Participant

    Dear Rogue,

     

    in the last message you said that you text him once a week asking how he is doing. If I understood correctly, there may even be a week without communication, which is a long period of time.

     

    If you like someone a lot or are in love, it is natural to keep connecting often. It sounds that either he is really S L O W or does not have such feelings that you have. Either way you feel frustrated and he feels pressured.

     

    It is your right to have a close relationship that moves forward. It will happen with or without him (meaning someone else).

     

    • If I were you, I would tell him about the frustration. Maybe he could understand your point of view and seriously consider his feelings. Right now it is very casual for him. If he realizes that he has deep feelings towards you and believes in you two, he will be able to “speed” himself a little so that both of you can see the relationship growing and progressing. Or he will set you free so that you are in a position to find love elsewhere.
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