Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Quitting my studies
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April 9, 2022 at 8:26 am #397385
ZehaParticipantHi, my name is Zeha. I currently studying Bachelor of Economics and now I’m in my 2nd year 2 semester. I still have two more years to go along with practical. Past few weeks, I have this urge and thoughts to drop out from university. I know many people will said it’s just 2 years. Just grit your teeth and finish it. But saying it’s easier than done. My family is a middle class and all my siblings are girls and they all are graduate persons. Education is more important in our family and that’s what I have been told. I also study hard get many achievements and good grades till now. But now I have don’t have the desire / will anymore to follow this path and this is making me extremely unhappy. I know with this current situation, definitely it’s not a good plan, but for once and for the first time, I want to go with my heart and instinct. Despite the unknown future that laid out there and the weight of this decision. I feel like it’s not the right for me and I want to do /change what is right for me. I am not saying that this decision will instantly worked out/will be pleasant, but I want to do this. I don’t want to waste my time on one that makes me feels wrong/unhappy for the sake of it’s benefit on my future career path. I know its a huge gamble but I don’t want to embrace my decisions knowing that there will be a lot of questions/obstacles/disappointments. I want to start my own journey starting from this decision. If it went right or wrong, I will be there for myself hoping there will a right path for me.
But at the same time I have some confusion.
– I’m scared that I might be disappointment/hurt/break my mother’s trust on me. I think I will crashed her dream knowing that she want to see all her daughter wants to be a graduate person.
– I will names as ‘drop out’ from college in CV(resume), put a black mark in my CV, will be very hard to get a decent job with stable salary in this current situation(post-pandemic).
There is a lot of internal conflict going on, about whether I want to continue this study or not. Someone who are in this situation, I find it’s very hard to analyze it. So I need to help from third person pov.
April 9, 2022 at 10:04 am #397402
HelcatParticipantHi Zeha!
It seems like you know what you don’t want to do. Do you have any ideas for what you do want to do?
Would it be possible for your credits to be transferred to another degree? In this case your efforts to study so far would still count towards a degree, but you could potentially change subject. It might be worth discussing options with an academic advisor at school.
April 9, 2022 at 10:52 am #397404
RobertaParticipantHi Zeha
Please can I ask what made you choose that particular course?
What kind of job are you/ your family expecting you to get at the end of it?
Is it the kind of job/career that really sings to your heart?
Would you be able to defer for a year to give you some kind of head/heart space if there was not the option to change to another course that is more to your liking?
My son decided not to go to University because as he said to me he did not have a strong calling to anything, he would just be going to Uni for the sake of going to Uni.
I supported his decision and after a rough few years he has a job that brings him joy (not well paid) a loving wife( she has a degree in archaeology but has never used it and was saddled with a big debt) and 2 beautiful children.
If you do not have a strong pull towards something else in particular you could sit quietly with a piece of paper and ask yourself ” How do I want to live my life?” and listen to the answers your heart supplies.
April 9, 2022 at 12:53 pm #397411
AnonymousGuestDear Zeha:
“There is a lot of internal conflict going on, about whether I want to continue this study or not. Someone who are in this situation, I find it’s very hard to analyze it. So, I need to help from third person pov” –
– here is my point of view: you are struggling with the very common human struggle, the struggle between the Individual’s interests and the Group’s interests, and by group, in your current situation, I mean your family.
Here are the individual Zeha’s interests: “For once and for the first time, I want to go with my heart and instinct… I feel like it’s not the right for me and I want to do /change what is right for me… I want to start my own journey starting from this decision”.
Here are the interests of your family: “Education is more important in our family and that’s what I have been told… I’m scared that I might be disappointment/hurt/break my mother’s trust on me. I think I will crash her dream knowing that she wants to see all her daughter wants to be a graduate person“.
Personally, I believe that an individual should follow one’s heart and mind and take on one own’s journey, but if you are living with your mother/ family, and you expect to keep living with them, your individual interests include living in a peaceful, calm home where you feel accepted, approved of and supported; not in a hostile, tense home where you feel rejected, disapproved of, unsupported and guilty.
Put in other words: a stranger can tell you: yes, pursue your own, individual journey! But if currently and for the foreseeable future, you cannot afford to live independently from your family, and the stranger will not be there for you in-person to support you along the way, and/ or to provide you with an optional home to the one your family provides you… then, well, being a stranger to you, I will not encourage you to do your own thing unless (1) your family fully supports you, or (2) you can afford living on your own and you have someone irl to support you, such as a very close friend.
“I will be named as ‘drop out’ from college in CV (resume), put a black mark in my CV, will be very hard to get a decent job with stable salary in this current situation(post-pandemic)” – if you don’t have a way to get a decent job in spite of this black mark on your CV, better not volunteer to have this black mark by dropping out of college.
Is what I posted here of any help to you?
anita
April 9, 2022 at 9:45 pm #397435ZehaParticipantHi anita
Thank you for your kind advice. But I cannot grasp what are you trying to convey here. Are you suggesting me to follow my heart or my family? Do I need to think practical or follow my instinct/gut here?
April 9, 2022 at 10:02 pm #397436ZehaParticipantHi Roberta,
First of all, thank you so much for reply and advice. Thank you for the question and I will gladly answer it.
Please can I ask what made you choose that particular course?= Before entering university, I take accounting course(Business, Economics, Accounts, Mathematics). Thus, I only can choose art stream course in University. But at the moment, I don’t find anything that perk my interest. So my sister, put this Economics course with other choices for me since there got Economic subject in the Accounting course that I took before University.
What kind of job are you/ your family expecting you to get at the end of it? = My dream is to be stewardess. I ask them to let me be but they said they only will allow me once I finish this Degree. Because they want me to have stable background. But even after I finish the Degree, I will not find any related job with the Degree.
Is it the kind of job/career that really sings to your heart? = I hope above given answers, will satisfy this question.
Would you be able to defer for a year to give you some kind of head/heart space if there was not the option to change to another course that is more to your liking? = As I said before, I don’t have the mindset to study anymore. I am afraid that If i continue this I might be exhaust myself until I cannot cope with it.
” How do I want to live my life?” = I want to have a peaceful and happy life. I just want to live my life as I want without feeling anxiety, guilt and regret.
Thanks for telling me about your son and it’s much helped me to know that there are someone who can live peacefully and happy without have a degree. But my biggest concern is, I already come halfway and talk about this with my sister.
She said and ask many things, that make me doubt and question my decision. Although it’s seems very practical, still at last come to this despite knowing the reality.
What should I do?
April 9, 2022 at 10:10 pm #397437ZehaParticipantHi Helcat,
Thank you so much for kind reply and advice. I will answer those question you ask.
It seems like you know what you don’t want to do. Do you have any ideas for what you do want to do? = I want to be a Stewardess. I’m not the smart person and not keen about studies since high school.
Would it be possible for your credits to be transferred to another degree? In this case your efforts to study so far would still count towards a degree, but you could potentially change subject. It might be worth discussing options with an academic advisor at school. = The problem is not the course or University because both course and place is highly demanded one in my country. The problem is me. Me and myself don’t want this path.
The reason I did not speak about this early before entering University is because I myself didn’t realize that there got another path and choices for me to live my own life. I though only this path can make me live my life. But today I cannot carry on with this decision.
April 10, 2022 at 1:29 am #397438HelcatParticipantHi Zeha
Good luck with your dream of become a stewardess! I hear that learning languages is very helpful for this career path. Do you plan on learning languages? This might be difficult without formal academic training. There are also schools that train you to become a stewardess.
Are you above 5 ft 6 and slim?
Do you have any experience in hospitality and customer service?
Do you have a plan for becoming a stewardess?
Did you know that being a stewardess is a high stress job? This might not fit with your goal of having a peaceful life and reducing anxiety.
I think your family will be happier and more accepting of your choice if you have a tangible path for how you plan on achieving this.
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
Helcat.
April 10, 2022 at 8:29 am #397452AnonymousGuestDear Zeha:
“Hi anita Thank you for your kind advice. But I cannot grasp what are you trying to convey here… Do I need to think practical or follow my instinct/gut here?” –
– You are welcome. I am suggesting that you follow your instinct/ gut (emotions) and practical thinking: both, not one or the other.
“Are you suggesting me to follow my heart or my family?” – my instinct/ gut answer is that you follow your heart, but my practical thinking goes like this: if you are living with your family, and your family is going to give you trouble for following your heart, then you will not have the peaceful life that you want so much (“I want to have a peaceful and happy life. I just want to live my life as I want without anxiety, guilt and regret“).
You wrote: “I don’t have the mindset to study anymore. I am afraid that if I continue this, I might be exhaust myself until I cannot cope with it“, and “I’m scared that I might be disappointment/hurt/break my mother’s trust on me. I think I will crash her dream knowing that she wants to see all her daughter wants to be a graduate person” – this means that you are conflicted, on one hand you really want to quit your studies, but on the other hand, you are afraid to hurt your mother. This conflict needs to be resolved. Maybe, if you talk to your mother and explain to her how much you want to quit your studies, and how much you want to pursue a career as a Flight Attendant (formerly called Stewardess), maybe she will change her mind and support you in quitting your studies.
the balance career. com: “The first step in becoming a flight attendant is to apply for a position with an airline… Airlines require job applicants to have at least a high-school or equivalency (GED) diploma. However, many will only hire candidates who have taken college classes or who have an associate or bachelor’s degree. Degrees that will prepare you especially well include hospitality, communication, tourism, and public relations. Employers often prefer job candidates who have work experience in a related field. If you want to become a flight attendant, consider gaining relevant experience in customer service by working in a hotel, resort, or restaurant”.
There is more in that website that may help you figure out how practical it would be for you to pursue this career. With practical knowledge, you will have a better chance to convince your mother/ family that this career is right for you.
anita
April 10, 2022 at 11:01 pm #397547ZehaParticipantHi Helcat,
Thank you for your concerns. Sure will keep it mind when I’m preparing myself for the job. Moreover, I’m really agree with you about planning a direction. Thank you so much.
April 10, 2022 at 11:32 pm #397548ZehaParticipantHi anita,
“There is more in that website that may help you figure out how practical it would be for you to pursue this career. With practical knowledge, you will have a better chance to convince your mother/ family that this career is right for you.” – I really like this.
Recently, I told my mother and my other siblings about my confusion. Their advice and the conversation enlighten me. In addition, everyone replies in this forum help me and lessen my burden in deciding a decision. Now, I can gladly and confidently will say that I will continue and finish my degree. I find out the root cause of my problem and the confusion. Thank you so much for everyone.
April 11, 2022 at 7:06 am #397555AnonymousGuestDear Zeha:
You are welcome and please feel free to post again about this topic and any other topic. I will be glad to read from you and reply.
anita
May 11, 2022 at 3:15 pm #399933AnonymousGuestHow are you, Zeha?
anita
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This reply was modified 2 years ago by
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