Maybe I can identify with your man,I do a lot of retreating into the cave and under my rock .I realize though that it is not the best way to deal with matters- I don’t think it is a get out of jail card though-I just feel that I at least take a longer time to process what i feel whereas the girls have much more experience in dealing with emotions and feelings ( maybe, can’t say for certain)

There is a certain “time gap” between males and females I believe where ladies tend to stay much more in the here and now, while men are more involved in “plotting the course” there can be a lack of “resonance” in that way with each one pulling the other in another direction.Time needs to slow down or up on one of the clocks, sometimes they run fast for one thing and slow for another and vice versa

I also note that there are times that ladies need to be given space from the over eager or fool rushing in type of thing.In your case there is a need to deal with the practical side of things since you have already been together a while.The only thing I can think of , because it would suit me is to give a timetable for your relationship , i.e. set out certain times to be together and times to be separate, then each one knows the limit of what is healthy and what is not.Your approach to the dilemma is highly practical and sensitive though.I believe the distance between you results from a feeling of lost companionship, that somehow what one feels is not being transmitted clearly to the other and that leaves room for not discussing and avoidance as well as increasing the confusion and double guessing.

Your objective here is to break the ice and hope that he opens up somehow- you need to get in touch with the friend side of your relationship and less of the wife type of relationship- a buddy might take him out for a beer or to watch the game-sometimes boys just want to be boys.

I do sympathize with you in that distance and separation is not a pleasant thing, while I may withdraw , it does not mean i want it that way.It could be a case of being unwilling to submit to the will of the other which forces the withdrawal, you would have to find common ground again- maybe presenting a matter which concerns you both and requires your attention may do it or just asking his advice or opinion, without it sounding patronizing, just try to draw the respect out of him.

I am in a stranger situation where i just don’t know how to react and that’s whats keeping my “usual self” at bay, and it is tricky since i keep imagining a scenario where i Do one thing and it’s taken the wrong way or i say something and it gets countered, I keep having these mental conversations and wondering if at all how can they be since they seem so close to real life.I would like an icebreaker to come along but don’t want to create one not only out of fear but maybe it’s unwanted- I just can’t tell and would rather wait for a chance for things to warm up naturally even though occasions a few a far between and even when they do arise , there is no guarantee that anything said or done is actually going to resolve anything.I am going to go the friendly route though and just offer the warmth i can as a friend.that has to be enough

hope it helps- your writing your questions down has helped me so thank to you at the same time.

at least you have us! maybe there is something else you can devote yourself to, just to past the time; another facet of intrigue to your character might brighten the day. not saying you are not anything but bright…