Hi Lunar

Happy Anniversary!

It sounds like you’re in a really difficult situation overall. I think anyone who moves to a different country where they don’t speak the language would be having a hard time. The isolation from your support network in your home country and the lack of one in this new country must be really challenging. Not to mention being overwhelmed by two (pardon my French) crappy jobs and a shared living space.

The difficulties with your partner are the icing on the cake. I think you need to be honest with her about how you feel. It is up to you whether you want to keep trying or not.

It does sound like you need to set some boundaries with your partner. She can’t decide who you get to be friends with. In this new country, you need any friends you can make. It is detrimental to your mental health the kind of isolation you are experiencing. Make it clear that you care about her and reassure her fears. It might go down better?

I wouldn’t take the face comment personally. I know people that make comments like this. In my experience, people are usually worried that you might be upset with them.

If she doesn’t want you to be sad, there are things she can do to help rather than just say that. Being clear about the things that would actually help could be helpful. Having your boundaries respected is part of that.

What kinds of rules does she recommend for going back to your home country?

Sometimes life is hard. It is up to you whether you want to try to work through it together or decide that enough is enough. There is no wrong answer here. ❤️

Dear Lunar:

First off, I just want to acknowledge again how exhausting and frustrating this situation must feel. You’ve moved to a new country, taken on jobs that don’t fulfill you, struggled to build connections, and all while navigating a relationship that feels more suffocating than loving. That’s a lot to carry, and it makes complete sense that you’re feeling isolated, unheard, and emotionally drained.

I’d like to respond more thoroughly to your initial post this morning:

“Firstly she will say I make a face and she “hates the face I am making,” usually when I am upset, distracted, annoyed, etc. She says the same thing to her family as well.”-

So—she doesn’t ask you how you feel or what’s behind the expression on your face. She just criticizes you for it because your emotions inconvenience her?

(This reminds me of my mother. I don’t think she ever asked me how I felt, but she definitely criticized me for the expressions on my face, accusing me of things based on emotions or expressions I hadn’t even chosen.)

If she dislikes seeing any negative emotions, it implies an expectation that you must always appear happy or neutral—which isn’t realistic or fair. Over time, this can make you feel like you have to monitor or suppress your emotions to maintain peace, walking on eggshells. But suppression leads to self-alienation and emotional exhaustion.

Instead of supporting you through your emotions, she’s trying to erase them. You shouldn’t have to mask your feelings to maintain peace—that’s not how love should function.

In a healthy relationship, emotions—even difficult ones—should be acknowledged, respected, and understood, not criticized or rejected.

Control isn’t love—it often stems from fear, insecurity, and unprocessed pain. You deserve acceptance—a relationship where your emotions are seen, your independence is respected, and your happiness isn’t measured by how well you conform to someone else’s expectations.

Love should never feel like a set of rules to follow. It should allow both people to be fully themselves, without fear of punishment or restriction. You are not wrong for wanting space, autonomy, and emotional freedom—those are basic human needs, and they deserve to be respected.

I hope you remind yourself that your needs matter. You are allowed to want a relationship that feels safe, open, and freeing—not one that requires constant justification or adaptation to someone else’s fears. I know this isn’t an easy situation, but I truly hope you find clarity, courage, and the space to honor what you need.

Sending you strength. 💛

Anita

Effective relationship advice often begins with clear communication, mutual respect, and trust. Prioritize understanding your partner’s feelings without judgment. Maintain honesty, practice active listening, and don’t avoid difficult conversations. Quality time, empathy, and small acts of love go a long way. Remember, healthy relationships grow through effort, not perfection.