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Relationship anxiety

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  • April 11, 2019 at 7:19 am #288675
    J
    Participant

    It was totally wrong how me & my partner got together because he was married, all be it very unhappily. He has now been living away from the marital home for 5 years and we have been together for 6. He still feels immense guilt for what he did to the children. They’re now divorced. But his ex wife is constantly using the children. It is like she genuinely loses the plot sometimes and it’s absolutely crazy. Then it’ll calm down again. I know this really gets to him a lot. This combined with his busy work life sometimes means he goes into a world of worry and shuts down. As he lives 30 mins away. I go into this stupid crazy irrational panic somehow convincing myself that he no longer loves me, no longer wants to be with me etc etc and then my mind of spirals out of control.

    How can I stop doing this? I’m sending myself mad with worry.  I don’t say too much to him because I feel like I’m just adding to his problems.

    Ps. I’m 40, he’s 50

    April 11, 2019 at 10:05 am #288707
    Mark
    Participant

    I wonder if this anxiety is only confined to your relationship? Are you anxious about other things in your life? Do you have a meditation practice? That would be a good start to deal with anxiety.

    Mark

    April 11, 2019 at 11:37 am #288739
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi J,

    Answer yourself the question: What if he DIDN’T love you? Honestly answer that. How would you cope? What would you do? Travel along that potential timeline.

    You will see that a few years in, YOU WOULD BE FINE.

    Your boyfriend wakes up one day and says to you, “I can’t do this.” Having traveled that potential timeline you would reply, with confidence, compassion and clarity, “I understand. I wish you well.”

    Meditate on THAT. Now you can live fully and joyfully. And be irresistible, by the way.

    Best,

    Inky

    P.S. Men at fifty go through the typical dramas of half-grown children and work. At 65 he’ll be fine. If you’re willing to wait that long.

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