Relationship problems with ex.

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This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 11 months ago by Anonymous.

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December 30, 2017 at 8:55 am #184415

Dexter
Participant

Hi there,

My story is a bit messy but I’ll really appreciate your help.

After 6 years of relationship I decided to move to another country trying a better life. I came alone and the first plan was stay for 1 year and after that my gf would come to stay with me. She helped me a lot during the first year but always hesitate to come. She always postponed the date to come and always said excuses related to her family and work.

Meanwhile I met 2 or 3 girls and started to stay with a girl here…

yeah.. I know that I’m wrong and regret all but trying to fix making it more confusing..

After more the one year she decided to come and stay here with me but just for a month, during her holidays.

I told the girl here that my ex (that was current actually) was comming to stay 1 month and we should break up. The fact is that we love each other and decided to wait this one month and I could see what happen… so on that time the girl here knows all bur the girl who was comming only imagine that I was alone.

After she came we couldn’t stayed together. We hanged out but I couldn’t feel attracted any more. I tried to break up but after many years together we decided to give us one more change.

When she left I tried to break up with the girl here but she means a lot for me and I can feel that I love her so we are together until now (1 year).

2 months ago I broke up with my ex that came before.

From now everything should be fine but she texted me saying that she’ll come again.. to stay 3 years here because she liked the city.

She doesn’t know that I’m with someone here and doesn’t know that when she came I had that girl before.

I am not sure about what will happen and I’m starting to be confused about who I want.. And I don’t want to hurt her when she comes but I don’t want to hurt the girl here as well who helped me a lot too and got hurt before about all this messy and after all is still with me..

I’m feeling worse because she’s kinda comming because of me that tried all possible things to make she come and stay with me.. tô solve all but after long time I gave up… but she will come..

To make things worse I own some money to her because of her help.. I’m paying slowly but this makes me feel more guilty about all.

Sorry about the big message but I’m completely lost…

December 30, 2017 at 9:29 am #184433

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Dexter:

Life happened while you were waiting for the six year relationship woman. She took her time, had other priorities and did not join you in your new country.

She had other priorities.

And you, a young man, were not satisfied with a long-distance-relationship. You needed a woman with you, physically. And so, life happened.

It seems to me that it is time for you to move on from those six years of the past. Your present life is different now. You have a new girlfriend, for a whole one year at this point. If you are indeed this current girlfriend’s priority, if she has been on your side and by your side this whole time and you indeed love her, then stay with her.

Let the past be in the past, and live now.

anita

December 30, 2017 at 3:30 pm #184445
Peter
Participant
A song comes to mind “Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?” – Avril Lavigne No wonder your lost. Trying not to hurt anyone so everyone gets hurt. Is it possible that a part of you likes the drama created by keeping the woman in your life a little off balance? You don’t mention how these woman might feel about this situation – its possible that there is no choice for you to make and that when they find out, and they will, both say hell no I deserve better.

This is going to sound blunt however its possible your not ready for authentic relationship. If you can’t be honest with your partner then something is wrong. Is the pain your trying to avoid is your own?
- This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Peter.
December 31, 2017 at 7:46 am #184471

Eliana
Participant

Hi Dexter,

I don’t have much to add, but it really does not have to be so complicated and confusing. I think you like a little “excitement” in your life, and there is nothing wrong with that, but in my own experience, it can really harm relationships..a constant need for excitement, chaos, etc. I will use a quote, because it is so very true. If a man and a woman are meant to be together, they will be together. Period. I hope you have a Happy New Year.

December 31, 2017 at 10:41 pm #184541

Dexter
Participant

Hi guys, Thanks for all the answers.

You are right ” If a man and a woman are meant to be together, they will be together.”

For now, It’s time to move on and as you said: “life happened”.I was guilty because it’s hard to be alone in a different country and I just don’t want that she suffer as much as I did before here.

Anyway, I can still help as a friend and try my new life.

Thanks and happy new year.

January 1, 2018 at 3:53 am #184547

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Dexter:

You are welcome. If you help your ex girlfriend as a friend, I hope you make sure she knows that you have another girlfriend now, and that she respects you as not her boyfriend, as well as respecting your current girlfriend. Post again if you’d like.

And Happy New Year to you too.

anita
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