January 9, 2019 at 12:10 pm #273469
I like “careful and gentle with myself”. Post again whenever you want, if and when you want. Careful and gentle with yourself means you determine your pace of examining and exploring issues and emotions in your life, you are in charge.
anitaJanuary 10, 2019 at 2:22 pm #273723
Thanks Anita, and thank you for taking the time to talk with me it is very much appreciated and I certainly do not take it for granted. It’s comforting to know that as well as counselling there are other forms of support available.
I had a great session with my counsellor this evening, I have taken steps to make my ‘grass’ greener, I am updating our garden from top to bottom, it feels like I’ve been weeding (psychologically) and now I am making plans to renovate the garden which will give me an enormous sense of satisfaction. I remember looking at the back garden when I hit rock bottom last week and seeing the decay then I realised that if I take care of our garden it will reflect back to me a deep sense of growth and change. It’s amazing how our minds transfer in to the outside world.January 10, 2019 at 3:01 pm #273729
You are welcome. Making the grass greener in your own garden, how literally and figuratively effective. I like “growth and change”!
anitaJanuary 11, 2019 at 4:17 am #273793
We’re all works in progress! 🙂January 11, 2019 at 5:33 am #273803
Post updates of your work in progress anytime you would like, if you do. I would like to read more from you as time goes on.
January 11, 2019 at 9:41 am #273871
- This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by anita.
Thanks Anita, and I will most certainly keep you posted.February 1, 2019 at 2:51 pm #278131
Thought I’d check in! Things have been going extremely well I’m glad to say. I’ve done a huge amount of work with my therapist regarding the conflict with my brothers and how I might approach them regarding Mum and their lack of care and concern. They have an issue with Mum and I because Mum wouldn’t take my middle brother in last year when he had a bout of depression.
Mum did not reject my brother as he seems to think, he needed professional help and guidance, her main concern was myself given the amount of stress I’ve been under since Mum’s brain injury four years ago and the mountains I’ve had to climb to get Mum stable and semi independent.
The problem is my siblings have no insight and base everything around assumptions all of which are untrue (we don’t care about my brother and so forth, all lies), anyway I guess what I am trying to say is that my therapist has helped me take back my power from my older brother who can be extremely difficult, his MO is passive aggressive, he hasn’t got the emotional intelligence to actually confront that which is causing him to feel angry and frustrated. So the next time we meet I won’t feel anxious and I will be able to deal with him on my terms. It’s amazing how easy it is when you shift the balance of power back to yourself. I’m in charge and I know what’s what.
It will be interesting to see where this is all heading but from my perspective I feel buoyant and confident, occasionally that pesky doubting Thomas creeps in but he is swiftly batted away! In other news I have actually contacted an immigration lawyer in the USA, I understand that a few weeks ago I was in the ‘flight’ response but now I am able to look at everything with a clear head and my heart is with America. IF I take the plunge it won’t be for at least two years and Mum hasn’t voiced any objections, she wants me to spread my wings but at the same time if I move I will make absolutely certain that she is safe and well looked after.
I’m pressing ahead with my plans to renovate the garden, as soon as Winter is out of the way work will begin in earnest!
I hope all is well.February 1, 2019 at 4:52 pm #278143
Good to read that you’ve been doing a huge amount of work with your therapist, that you are taking back your power in regard to your relationships with your older brother, that you feel more confident and optimistic, that you are pressing ahead with your plans to renovate the garden, and that your mother wants you to spread your wings, and in two years or so, your wings may take you all the way to the USA.
I hope to read again from you, anytime you’d like to post another update, please do!