Home→Forums→Share Your Truth→sacral chakra & past pain
- This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 8 months ago by Matt.
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February 16, 2014 at 9:35 pm #51151chelseaParticipant
hi friends. i really need help.
lately, i have been doing so well with my mindset and successfully being mindful most of the time. the affirmations are going great and reading lots of helpful books and articles. but as i’ve been peeling back layers, i have to deal with something that happened a long time ago and that’s affecting me being intimate with my boyfriend. i was sexually abused by a cousin of mine when we were little (we were the same age at the time) and now that i’m older, i feel ashamed and guilty when i think about this. in turn, its hard to get excited when i’m intimate with my boyfriend and it’s hard to enjoy it and be in the moment. it’s been like this with other partners as well. my sacral chakra is shut down most of the time. i can feel it. what do i do? i’m tired of feeling bad about something that someone made me do and kept doing.
advice would be fantastic. thank you!
- This topic was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by tinybuddha.
February 17, 2014 at 1:47 am #51163@Jasmine-3ParticipantHi Chelsea
I am sorry to hear about your abuse. It is not a pleasant situation for anyone to be in.
Unfortunately, you cant change the past. But what you can do is forgive yourself truly. Forgive yourself for feeling the pain for this long and let go of the incident / cousin. If you believe in karmic philosophy, you will come to realise that some painful incidents happen in our life for a pre-determined reason, which could be coming from the past life (not current birth) You have no control over it.
You can heal your own sacral chakra (2nd) by sending love and healing. Feel the chakra in your hands (sitting upright with eyes closed) and send white light (divine light) to the chakra and see it unfold and all the blackness disappear. You can do it for 10 mins or so. What will help the most is if you send healing and love to your 6th and 7th chakra as well. Your will feel the illumination with time and practice but it will come.
I would love to hear your happy news when you are ready and feeling awesome.
Positive vibes your way,
J
February 17, 2014 at 6:59 am #51170MattParticipantChelsea,
You have nothing to be ashamed of, you didn’t do anything wrong. When we’re young, we explore and try to figure stuff out. Exploring sex, for most of us, leads to some burns and pains. Much like the first time we play with fire, we might burn our hand.
But now, you’re older, making better decisions, understand the beauty and grace that sex can become. A sharing of two hearts seeing each other, desiring each other. Its nothing like what happened back then. You’re safe here, its a beautiful thing to share with someone you love. Consider, in addition to Jasmine’s advice about light, to also offer sound, your voice. “Yes, young Chelsea, that feels icky, I’m sorry you’re going through such a thing. It won’t be like that anymore as you heal and mature, so don’t worry, don’t be afraid.” Tell her its OK, tell her she is loved even with the difficulty and invasiveness. A rude awakening, perhaps, but dust the sleep from you eyes. You’re beautiful, and sex is fun and intimate.
Feel free to post some more details if you want to get it off your chest, there is no reason for you to carry such a weight. How long did it go on? How unwilling were you? What hurt most? Of course, you dont have to share what you don’t feel comfortable sharing, but know that there is nothing that could have happened to you or by you that stains your beauty, your grace. Its only in the hiding, the shame that cuts off your flow, scares you from being yourself… a powerful, beautiful, sexual being.
With warmth,
MattFebruary 19, 2014 at 9:03 am #51337chelseaParticipantThanks, guys. I really appreciate the replies.
I was bullied back then and now I can’t believe I let that happen. I feel like I should’ve done more but it’s too late now. I feel so ashamed when it comes to sex. I feel as though since this happened when I was younger, I don’t deserve to enjoy sex and have fun with my boyfriend in this way.
I wish i could shake this feeling!
February 19, 2014 at 9:18 am #51339MarkParticipantChelsea,
I believe that when we are abused when we were young, it imprints the trauma on our unconscious.I would recommend using an energy healer and/or do some psychotherapy to address this.
Sex is sacred and part of our expression of being human and alive.
Metta,
MarkFebruary 19, 2014 at 4:33 pm #51395MattParticipantChelsea,
It seems to me like you’re so very close to letting it heal, letting it go. Consider for a moment that the experience was so vibrant for you, so difficult and confusing, that it “flashed” inside your chakra. Much like Mark’s skillful pointing that we carry traumas within us. So, as you remember it now, you’re relating to it as the older Chelsea, and feel disbelief. But that’s not who was there… it was a different (but obviously connected) being. You’ve grown since then, come to understand and protect yourself much better.
Is it really that bewildering that a young Chelsea wasn’t prepared to fend off a bully in that way? There’s no need to resent her, hate her… she was doing the best she knew how with what she knew. It can become especially difficult if the body experiences pleasure and/or orgasm, because penetration can be physically pleasurable, even when its emotionally painful. When I began healing from my own sexual abuse, accepting that I felt pleasure was one of the toughest parts. Very normal, very usual, very lovable. Its a simple thing to look back and judge the young chelsea as this or that, but that is not fair of us. Look at how much smarter, stronger and alert we are now! Judging her based on your current strength? Absurd! Instead, we can offer her compassion, understanding, and forgiveness.
To the young Chelsea: I’m so sorry, dear daughter, for all the difficulty and pain you’re experiencing. I’m so glad you hid deep inside, in a place where no one can touch us without our permission, given freely, without pressure or violence. Stay there as long as you need, until you feel safe, ready, and loved. That space will always be a sacred garden that will only open when you wish it to. I wish the older version of Chelsea was there to protect you, because she is such a strong form of the goddess, and would definitely have prevented any harm… but for now, hide, cry, rest, and wait for the older Chelsea to wake you up and set you free.
Back to now, consider that there is no stain upon your brow, dear friend. Said differently, its not about deserving to find joy in the bedroom with your boyfriend… of course you deserve it… its about being afraid that you’re unlovable because of what you’ve done. That’s just fear, and is a paper tiger, a puff of smoke, nothing, empty. It perhaps remains convincing only because you cower from it still, but if you even poke at it, the whole of it can collapse.
That being said, there’s no need to take my word on it. If you have the curiosity, consider checking some sexual abuse survivor communities on the web. The “abuse to shame” cycle is very common. Said differently, if the sexual abuse were like an inhaled breath, the shame is the feeling of pressure as you hold the breath in. All you really have to do is breathe it out, forgive yourself, accept yourself, and let it go… woosh, be done with it. And goodness gracious, dear sister, I hope you do.
With warmth,
Matt -
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