Dear Alessa:

In regard to the apology- you are welcome.

In regard to getting things off your chest- I am glad you did. You have been heard!

“It hurt being ignored. I’m a very consistent person. I don’t ignore people. It is difficult for me to connect with people who are hot and cold because it never really feels like they are actually interested in sustaining a friendship and have a foot half way out of the door, ready to slam it shut again.”-

I will do my best to not ignore you and to be consistently ❤️ .. to not turn cold.

“…what unsettled me the most in the initial conflict was Anita posting about how happy she was whilst we were suffering.”- actually, I remember that moment you are referring to. I understand why it unsettled you. I am sorry that you were suffering at that time.

“It also hurt when I was asked for things to stop and I was ignored. I was politely begging for my feelings to be heard and to matter. No. I don’t matter, is what I felt.”- You do matter. And I did stop referring to you (communicating about you without mentioning your name)- first because of Lori’s input, but most recently- because I realize it was wrong.

“It hurts me to see what is happening now. Post apology. I don’t have any energy left.”- when I post there next, I will do my best to resolve the conflict.

“It feels tone deaf to try to tell people what they can and can’t do after how we have been treat. What about our feelings? As long as things are handled respectfully and not in a cruel way, I don’t see the problem.”- as long as things are handled respectfully, yes.

I wanted to communicate with Tee 1-to-1 for the purpose of resolving the conflict with her- not so to silence anyone, but so that she and I could better hear each other. My suggestion was met with a No, and I accept it.

Please take care of yourself and your boy, Alessa.

With Care, Anita

Hi Alessa:

“Perhaps it might have been hard to keep track of all of the voices and reply during a disagreement?”- yes! I am starting my reply with this question because it’s the easiest to answer.

“It seemed like you also might have wanted to shut down some of the criticism because you were feeling overwhelmed by it?”- this is another easy question to answer: Yes!

“Why do you think it unsettled me? Because I only said that it did and didn’t explain why.” (in regard to what you shared 3 days ago: “what unsettled me the most in the initial conflict was Anita posting about how happy she was whilst we were suffering.”)-

.. because you needed empathy and understanding and I gave you the opposite?

Dear Alessa:

I think I understand what it triggered.. happy while you were suffering.. I am so very sorry, Alessa (tears in my eyes)

Dear Alessa:

You are so kind, too kind, too good perhaps..?

All I know, Alessa, at this point, is that I don’t want you hurt. I care.. Somehow, because of Tee’s major help (for which I am eternally grateful), and then Lucidity’s understanding and kindness today… and your kindness in the message right above.. I am becoming more and more.. simply human. Defenses lowered, aggression dissolved, and all that’s left is..

Love.

Love for you, Alessa.. no longer the hot and cold that hurts you, but the steady, reliable kind.