Dear lisa15:

I don’t think you are being silly for feeling what you are feeling. I believe it is healthy for you to take your feelings seriously because they carry important messages that need to be figured out- what are the messages? The obvious: you need more physical affection from him, you need him to pay more attention to you like he used to. In other words, you need to be loved. Nothing silly about that!

About the changes in his behavior” at first I thought as i was in the process of reading your post, that he was not interested in having a relationship with you, that he is withdrawing and thinking of a way out (isn’t it what you thought too, or still do sometimes?) But when I read that he is saving for a house to live in with you, that didn’t fit with my first assumption.

So I am thinking of possibilities as to why the changes occured and what is next. I am thinking, maybe at first he was euphoric, feeling really good falling in love with you and in that euphoria the regular problems in life took a back seat, they didn’t seem so important, problematic or overwhelming. Then the euphoria subsided, and the regular problems in life (money for one) grew back to their original magnitude, seeming problematic, and at times, maybe, overwhelming. In that problematic, overwhelming state of his mind, he doesn’t have the euphoric fuel that motivated him to kiss you and attend to you. He is engaged in other thoughts (money for one, I assume).

Can you check with him if this is so by asking him what it is he is thinking about or – since you probably already did- pay more attention to his answers so to figure out. Maybe you are so attached to your need for affection as you talk to him that you don’t hear some or even much of what he is saying, looking for signs, maybe, that he doesn’t love you anymore, having a tunnel – hearing thing about what he is saying, and not hearing some impportant stuff that needs to be heard.

Maybe he needs attention from you that he is not getting- the paying of attention to what troubles him. If you attend to him- maybe he will get access to that fuel that fueled his shows of affection to you.

I hope you consider this, experiment with this (new listening ears?) and write more in here…

anita

Hi again Lisa, I’ll let you and Anita continue your conversation, but I just wanted to add a different angle, in line with my response to your other thread (regarding depression).

I think becoming who you are, and finding strength in your own true voice will go a long way toward attracting the right partner, rather than someone who you’re unsure of. I’m not saying you’re clingy or needy, but in case you are, that might make him pull back. The more you’re trying to get love from him the more he’ll pull back. Yes, of course, needing love is a valid need – not silly at all! But if you can find your own center, love yourself first, you won’t have a need to cling to someone else. The right person (whether it’s your current partner, or someone else) will come for the right reasons – respect and love.

In my mind, both your depression and uncertainty about love could be pointing to an inner need to know your true self. If I were in your shoes, that’s where I’d start putting more focus – not on what’s wrong, but find out what’s right, and true, and genuine and authentically you! Once you peel back all these outer layers that are distracting you, you’ll find the deepest, purest, golden self that’s You.

Or as Dr Seuss says, “There is no one alive who is Youer than You” 🙂

I hope this helps!
Namaste, Saiisha

I’m so glad you’re starting to feel better about yourself Lisa. I’d love to hear how you’re doing in 29 days!