How are you, Friend..???

Dear Going Through Life:

I am fine, friend 🙂. Thank you for the message. I am looking forward to reading your updates!

🤍 Anita

My goodness, going Through Life:

Happy belated Birthday, fellow Capricorn!!!

🎂🎉🎈🥳🎁✨🎊🍰🎆🎀🎇🍾🎵🎶🕯️💝🌟💫🎂🎉🎈🥳🎁✨🎊🍰🎆🎀🎇🍾🎵🎶🕯️💝🌟💫

I’ve been under the weather for days now, somewhat sick, but hoping for recovery soon!

Your Friend, Anita

Dear Going Through Life (GTL):

You are welcome, friend, and thank you for caring! Glad to report that I am feeling much better this morning (actually, since last evening) 🙂.

At 25, you are just a pup (it’s a saying, just-a-pup), GTL!

Taking it very slow emotionally, is a good idea 👍

As far as New Year Resolutions- when I was just a pup, I used to make NYRs. Now, I make them every day 🌟🚀 😊.

Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

Thank you and I too hope that this new year brings you many moments of happiness and fulfillment. (I say “moments” because there’s no such thing as an ongoing, permanent state of happiness and fulfillment).

As far as making resolutions every day: well, for one I repeat a mantra every single day: to peel off (or to continue to peel off) the chronic shame and guilt I suffered from and replace those with loving myself.

There’s no empathy for oneself when shame and guilt are permanent, or almost permanent states.

What does loving oneself means to you, friend?

🤍 Anita

Dear Going Through Life:

And thank you for your kind wishes, dear friend!

About the peel off and loving myself process: what stood between me and feeling empathy for myself (or taking my side in life; being FOR me, not against me) have been (1) Ongoing shame which is often referred to in literature as “toxic shame”, meaning it’s not limited to doing something wrong and feeling (limited) shame about that one thing.

It’s been feeling shame about anything: shame for what I happened to think, what I happen to feel, how I happen to look like at any one moment (Tourette’s tics have been a big source of shame), for how I do things wrong or imperfectly, etc.

(2) Ongoing guilt in regard to my mother (she guilt-tripped me big time).

(3) Ongoing self-doubt and distrust of myself, questioning my intentions (like a detective would question a suspect). And similarly, I distrusted others.

So, peeling off these things is necessary if I am to love myself. Does this make sense to you?

“To be true dear friend, I still haven’t found a way to love oneself. Maybe it’s about accepting yourself and working on your short comings”- I think it’s about accepting yourself and working on your shortcomings with an attitude of empathy and kindness toward yourself (not with a judgmental attitude, berating yourself or being rude to yourself in any way).

“And also respecting yourself as much as possible. How would you define it dear Anita?”- Yes, respecting yourself.

How would I define loving oneself:

First, what it is not: It is not idolizing yourself, thinking you’re perfect, or forcing confidence.

It’s about how you treat yourself, especially when things are difficult.

In practical, everyday terms, loving yourself looks like:

1. Speaking to yourself the way you’d speak to a friend: not tearing yourself down for mistakes, not calling yourself names, but giving yourself the same patience you’d give someone you care about.

It’s a shift from “What’s wrong with me” to “I’m having a difficult moment.”

2. Respecting your own needs: resting when you’re exhausted, eating when you’re hungry, saying no when something isn’t right for you

It’s recognizing that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.

3. Allowing yourself to be human: you’re allowed to make mistakes, you’re allowed to change your mind, you’re allowed to take time to learn.

Self‑love isn’t about being perfect; it’s about giving yourself permission to be human.

4. Not abandoning yourself when you’re struggling: this is the big one.

Loving yourself means staying on your own side even when you feel low, when you’re disappointed in yourself, when you’re overwhelmed, and when you’re not who you want to be yet

It’s loyalty to yourself.

5. Making choices that protect your future self: setting boundaries, leaving harmful situations, building habits that support you, and choosing people who treat you well.

It’s long‑term care, not just short‑term comfort.

I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts about the above, when you feel like sharing.

🤍 Anita