Seeking clarity about a relationship

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    Hi Anita, I understand what you’re trying to say, but it’s not about that she’s unavailable. It was never about that. I wasn’t even angry about it. I just felt a really strong connection which was reciprocated to me, I miss that connection with her. I haven’t been able to focus on my work for the past few days and just trying to get my thoughts off this.

    That same connection I haven’t felt entirely with SS. And I think besides feelings I’m starting to get attached to SS which I’m not keen of. I was never attached to EN.




    Dear Going Through Life:

    This is what you shared about EN, summarized: you met her through a dating app in Sept 2023, met her in-person two times only, and communicated long-distance almost everyday for 4 months, until Dec 2023, when she told you that it’s best to stop talking because of the distance and the timing, and a few days later, she told you that she met someone else. At one point, she offered to stay friends with you, but you declined, saying that if you want to be friends, you will reach out to her. You reached out to her at the end of March, or very early April 2024, and her response: “she isn’t looking forward to a friendship, saying her new boyfriend may feel uncomfortable.

    About your feelings for her, you shared (the boldfaced are your words) that communicating almost everyday with her over the course of 4 months was nice and fun, you started to fall for her, you felt that your feelings for her were reciprocated, you miss that connection with her, feeling a strong pure bond to her, and that on one hand, your feelings for her scare you, and on the other, thinking about her makes you smile a lot. And last thing you added in your most recent pot is: “I was never attached to EN“.

    This is what you shared about SS: you met her in Feb 2024, she is nice and sweet and she’s smart too, but you don’t want to through your  attachment issues, and focus on your goals instead. You are thinking about breaking up with her because you don’t feel such a strong connection with her, you miss EN a lot, and want a connection like you had with EN. You added, in your most recent post: “And I think besides feelings I’m starting to get attached to SS which I’m not keen of“.

    Back in Jan 30 (page 1) I added online quotes about the avoidant attachment style, including what you shared about another young woman, SK: “It was a very passionate and lovely relationship… I was really attracted to her”, “I broke up with her..  got into FWB… I again pulled myself away. I did this push and pull a lot with her“.

    In your Jan 30- 31 replies, you wrote: “I agree with the fearful avoidant attachment style… Even now when I think someone will love me, I will end up pushing them away. I’m scared of that deep commitment… I regret a lot not accepting her love… My emotions were always numbed with SK. I refused to say I love you to her many times, I was scared, I (have) burst out with anger sometimes too… I was never emotionally dependent on anyone since I was young“.

    Normally, I’d follow the above with my analysis, but this time, I would like you to sit with the above for a while and come up with your own, thoughtful analysis over time of calm contemplation.

    I find these sentences in your post of seven hours ago most interesting: “I think besides feelings I’m starting to get attached to SS which I’m not keen of. I was never attached to EN.“- I would very much like to read your analysis including what these two sentences mean.







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