Home→Forums→Relationships→Seeking clarity about a relationship
- This topic has 124 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 10 hours, 42 minutes ago by
anita.
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September 25, 2025 at 2:28 pm #450235
GoingThroughLifeParticipantHi dear Anita,
Yes, there’s nothing wrong, she asked me if I want to get together, how will I ever trust again if I get with her. I did not answer her question.
Anita, as I was bullied and told I was ugly in my childhood, I inherently seek external validation through relationships and intimacy.
I’m happy about the decision I made career wise, it makes me feel very light, I just want to make my other aspects of life better too, I want to achieve what I want to, because it’s one life. I have started focusing on my health and I want to become my best version physically and emotionally, but I think that’s too to attract relationships in my life.
I hope I’m not blabbering in dear Anita. Thank you for listening.
Hoping to hear from you soon friend.
GoingThroughLife
September 25, 2025 at 2:41 pm #450236
anitaParticipantYou are not blabbering, Going Through Life 🙂, You are making sense! Got to run, will be back to you in the morning.
September 26, 2025 at 1:41 pm #450359anitaParticipantI am sorry, Going Through Life, ran out of time. I’ll be back to you tomorrow, take care!
September 27, 2025 at 10:35 am #450379anitaParticipantDear Going Through Life:
I imagine there’re news in regard to SS since you last posted. I wonder if you got together.. or if you got back together?
“she asked me if I want to get together, how will I ever trust again”- you asked her how you will ever trust her again, or did she ask you how she’d ever trust you again..? (not clear in the sentence).
“I was bullied and told I was ugly in my childhood, I inherently seek external validation through relationships and intimacy.”-
Ugly is primarily a behavior, as I see it. So those who said to you (a behavior) what they told you, they are the ones who were ugly at the time, weren’t they?
When you say that you seek validation in this context, you mean that you seek being told that you are handsome..?
Looking back a few posts ago, you wrote “I have started working on my health’- do you have physical health issues or concerns..?
🤍🌿 Anita
September 27, 2025 at 11:48 am #450382anitaParticipantRereading the above, Going Through Life, maybe I asked too many questions 🙁..
September 27, 2025 at 1:39 pm #450383GoingThroughLifeParticipantHi Dear Anita,
I will go through your messages, been a bit busy. Just to reply to the latest message, a few questions or maybe too many, I appreciate everything you try to communicate to me.
I will gratefully answer all your questions. I hope you’re well.
Thank you
GoingThroughLifeSeptember 27, 2025 at 8:33 pm #450386anitaParticipantThank you for being kind and gracious. I appreciate you, Going Through Life!
Please take all the time that you need to take.
🤍🌿 Anita
October 4, 2025 at 6:39 pm #450562GoingThroughLifeParticipantHi Anita, I hope you’re well my friend.
SS and I haven’t gotten back together, I have told her my feelings and my intention of getting back but she’s says there’s no point, as there is no future now because of the cheating incident.
The only validation I mostly seek is by being in a relationship with someone, meaning that they accept me for who I am. It also stems from my fear of being alone.
I have no health concerns Anita, I’m just a bit overweight and I would like to attain and maintain a leaner physic.
Hoping to hear from you soon Anita.
Goingthroughlife
October 4, 2025 at 8:13 pm #450563anitaParticipantDear Going Through Life:
I am glad you have no health concerns beyond being a bit overweight. A.. bit of weight loss should solve that problem.
“The only validation I mostly seek is by being in a relationship with someone, meaning that they accept me for who I am.”- and you accept her (SS) for who she is..?
The two of you accepting each other for who you are- while aiming at becoming your best (imperfect) selves..?
“It also stems from my fear of being alone.”- nothing like the fear of being alone. We are social animals (humans). We Need Togetherness by nature.
🤍🌿 Anita
October 4, 2025 at 9:28 pm #450567GoingThroughLifeParticipantThank you for your reply Anita.
Yes, I did accept SS for who she is, we were fighting but still I accepted her everyday.
I don’t about her, but I did accept her.
I’m scared of the future, I want to give us at least a try, I’m ready to make efforts. Also comes from the fear of being alone.
Hoping for your reply soon Anita.
Goingthroughlife
October 5, 2025 at 8:45 am #450577anitaParticipantDear Going Through Life:
“I did accept SS for who she is”- I wonder if she felt accepted for who she is..?
If she didn’t accept herself for who she is (and I have no idea if she did or not), then she couldn’t receive your acceptance of her, at least not easily. What do you think?
“the fear of being alone.”- I would like to know more about what this fear means to you: when it started, how it feels, and how it affects your choices in life, if you feel comfortable enough to share, to the extent you feel comfortable 🕊️.
Strange perhaps, as I think of my fear of being alone when I was your age, I think that I was more afraid to be with people (for too long) than I was afraid of being alone. Alone felt safer.
I will be away from the computer in a couple of hours for the rest of the day, but I am looking forward to your reply and to our continued conversation.
🌿🤍 Anita
October 5, 2025 at 8:50 am #450578GoingThroughLifeParticipantDear Anita
I think so, but I talked to her today over the call. She said she has lost feelings, i apologized for being ignorant during the relationship, but I said I wanted to still try for us, I know if not her someone else is there, but I just want to try my best, I don’t want to regret anything. It hurts she kissed someone else, and she met him again actually. But my gut says to still try, so I am trying. I love her for who she is, apart from the cheating part.
My fear of being alone is hard to explain. It’s like a mental and physical support I seek, I feel empty without a relationship. Although i know it’s not good, but this is what it is.
Hoping for your reply Dear Anita
Goingthroughlife
October 5, 2025 at 9:08 am #450580anitaParticipantDear Going Through Life: I will read and reply at the end of the day, take care!
October 6, 2025 at 11:00 am #450606anitaParticipantDear Going Through Life:
Is it possible that you are interested in her now partly because she said that she lost feelings for you, that is it’s a challenge to get her to recover the old feelings?
As far as the fear of being alone, I wonder if you relate a bit to my past fear of being with another person for too long, as in getting stuck with the person and wanting out, finding safety in being alone.. and then after being alone for too long, seeking togetherness and then.. repeat..?
🌿🤍 Anita
October 6, 2025 at 12:20 pm #450613GoingThroughLifeParticipantDear Anita
Whatever the reason, i have decided to move on now. Today I got several panic attacks that she must be getting physical with someone else, and I was threatened by her that she will tell her family I’m harassing her and she just kept shouting at me. I told her yesterday that I still believe in us, I don’t anymore Anita.
She’s not the one, whatever wrong I did, I never did anything to deserve this.
My fear of being alone is not enjoying my golden youth years and not finding my person. Going through my life problems all alone. I guess for the time being I’ll have to take that leap.
Hope you’re well friend and looking forward to your reply Anita.
Goingthroughlife
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