Hello, I would like to ask some suggestion about a situation I’m in.

Something like 10 years ago I embarked, without my choice, in shift of how I see the real world, looking for a freedom from the stereotype of the society we live in, who led me on crazy journey like riding a rollercoaster.

But since then, the reaching of my dreams and life goals has been obstructed by the people around me. How? The easiest way to explain it is with the allegory of the cave by Plato.

So that allegory taught me that it’s pretty clear for now thta there is nothing that can make them see what they don’t see, as they will not believe unless they will see.

So, still, I moved forward on my way, but because of the behaviour of the people around me I started to grow a huge desire of revenge.

Actually, to be honest, I will not have to make any revenge, simply they will be hit back strongly by karma.

But I can’t wait to see their face hit by karma. It will be like spitting back all the poison.

These thought of revenge, even if growing, didn’t interfer too much with my thought process, till recently.

So, recently I started to make some money. Not that much, but I’m also strating small. What I have just to do it is simply “rinse and repeat” to grow this capital huge.

So, now that my capital is increasing, karma is going to hit them back. I’ll be retired in few years, while they will live by working a 9 to 5, by waking up every Monday morning at 7:00, waiting for the weekend every week, and “rinse and repeat” till retirement: this is the karma revenge.

The problem is that since finally my goal of karma revenge is so close, this thoughts of revenge fill badly my mind, I get nervous, sometime the stress take also my stomach, and I can’t focus neither for 5 minutes. I can’t sit in front of the laptop. I can’t work. The only thing I think is the revenge. I’m so close to reaching my goal, and because this thoughts fill my mind I can’t make it. And this is absurd.

Initially I thought it could have been procrastination, as it happened to me in the past. But when procrastinating you spend time doing not useful things, and for example, in my case, it was just looking for not useful things on Google and Wikipedia. For example, the last time I procrastinated, and it was a good while ago, I looked for how many sheep there are on earth, and how much each sheep is worth 😅

So, now I know that I’m not procrastinating, I have only this revenge thoughts on all the things that I’ll say to them once I’ll show them that I made my dream true even if them turned me down.

So, having understood this problem, I started to Google keywords like “how to let it go Buddha” “Revenge in Buddhism”…

And I found for example some Buddha stories helpful. I stumbled on the song “let it go” and the “song frozen” by Madonna. Actually the song by madonna also make a lot of sense. And eventually I found this “tiny Buddha” website, where I read several stories about the relation of people and their parents and their family, to which I really can relate.

And once I saw that on tiny Buddha there is also this forum, I decided to share my story here to see if somebody can have some suggestion on how to overcome this revenge thoughts that freeze me and that stop me to reach my goal.

Maybe you have some book you can suggest me to read?

Please, consider that I understood that I should stop by myself to think about them. And apparently it should be easy. But it’s not easy. I’m trying not to think about them, but it’s like more i try not to think about them, the more I think about them. It’s like a negative vortex.

I think it’s because it’s too much the hatred I build up towards this people around me.

So, for suggestion I don’t need something like: “don’t think about it” or “if you think about them you will waste time of your life” (and it is already has been 2 months like this).

It would be great if you can suggest me “a way” on how not to think about them.

And you know what, I’m also thinking that maybe I will have relief simply after posting this message on this forum, by finally letting out all this thoughts that I have in my mind…

Thanks in advance if you can answer.