Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Separation Anxiety Disorder
- This topic has 10 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 11 months ago by Deidre33.
June 11, 2014 at 7:08 am #58603
I have very recently been diagnosed with this disorder and I was wondering if anyone else out there has this too. I always knew something wasn’t quite ‘normal’ with the way I reacted and the thoughts I had when I was separated from a partner, close family member or a very dear friend.
I was wondering how do you cope? In what ways do you distract yourself when it all sets into motion? Just anything really that could help me a little bit. At this stage I’m finding it hard to get out of the downwards spiral of negative thoughts and disaster scenarios in my head when for example I don’t hear from my boyfriend by a set time. Then I start to think he has had an accident, passed away, ran off with another woman, etc. I suppose you get the way it gets out of control very quickly. I have tried to meditate but I can’t seem to get my breath and tears under control when it starts to happen.
I’ve read quite a bit about it the last couple of weeks and I do realize I’m fighting a war in my head that doesn’t exist. My partner had to go back home overseas last week and although this is a good test for me to be away from him I’m having a hard time coping at certain times. I can’t rely on my friends to be there for me 24/7 either and I do not want that either. I wish to learn the skills to get this under control and I want to be able to manage it as I have been told this never goes away and I can’t cure this.
Any advice or help is welcome.
Joyce.June 11, 2014 at 7:58 am #58606SarahParticipant
I also can have this problem. I don’t really know what to do about it either, so if anyone does, i’d like to hear.
I’m guessing when i’m in a relationship i always have a fear of being abandoned which goes back to my childhood and other unsuccessful relationships (one very recently).June 11, 2014 at 8:58 am #58607
It’s so delibitating isn’t it when it grabs hold of you? I’m sure someone out there may be able to give us some guidelines. From reading up about this disorder it generally stems from childhood and being abandoned or neglected in one way or another. The same counts for me.
Fingers crossed someone reaches out. If not maybe just us being able to talk about it and expressing our feelings with others who suffer from this might guide us and perhaps others along a little bit on our path too. I know now from experience people who do not have this find it extremely hard to grasp what goes on in our heads at those times.
Joyce.June 11, 2014 at 9:37 am #58614LaReasonParticipant
i haven’t been formally diagnosed with anything but i do experience severe anxiety when my boyfriend leaves or a good friend leaves after a fun weekend and i find myself alone for the first time in a few days. i usually end up feeling horribly depressed, panicky, and desolate. i feel completely alone and a little bit scared. is this at all what you’re feeling?
i haven’t found a good way of dealing with it, either. i used to try to distract myself but that doesn’t work anymore. i have long thought that maybe having a pet or something would help (just to remind me i’m not alone and everything is okay)…but i don’t know for sure if that would work.
i do know this website is great and maybe posting here when you’re anxious will help remind you that there are people all over the place who care for you and are thinking about you! 🙂June 11, 2014 at 10:07 am #58619
That’s exactly what it feels like. This feeling of being torn apart inside. Anxious, sad, lonely, desperate feeling of being left behind.
I think acknowledging that we have it, is a huge step forward in trying to come to terms with it I suppose. I am not sure if a pet would help.
I thought the exact same thing that if we all just lend a helping virtual hand or a virtual ear to someone who is going through an anxious time we may be able to pull ourselves through it. Because I do know when my rational mind kicks back in that none of what I felt and though is actually real. I am never desolate or totally alone. I know that my thoughts are ridiculous but at that point they are so real. So maybe talking or writing through them may help us.
Thank you for your response. Let’s help each other! 🙂
Joyce.June 12, 2014 at 7:59 am #58709TraceyParticipant
I can fully sympathise with you as I feel the exact same way. It is very hard to understand and to live with. I suffer from extreme lonliness and separation anxiety. Sometimes it makes me so low and depressed and cant seem to find happiness in anything. I guess I am in love with being loved and loving someone too 🙂
Not a bad way to be just means we have too much love inside well thats the way I look at it sometimes hehe
But on a serious note it is very hard to live with, it makes you feel very empty. I personally can go from being very very happy and relaxed to being absolutely depressed when my BF or close relative leaves me 🙁
I would be happy for you to contact me 07540956600 is you would like to share more.
Hugs TraceyJune 12, 2014 at 12:23 pm #58718MarshmallowParticipant
I think your on the right track by acknowledging it and actually getting a diagnosis. With that being said, I think since this is somewhat in the medical realm and you might benefit from therapy and counselling. I think it might also help by talking about it if you have supportive family and friends. If they are aware than they can work together with you to help make this less crippling. 🙂
Try to stay positive and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You can beat this, have confidence ~June 13, 2014 at 3:30 am #58774
I would definitely suggest as well for people to get professional help with this type of stuff. I am in therapy as well and that is how I got diagnosed. I get great guidance from my therapist but every once in a while the suggestions she has made don’t work hence me wondering if anyone else suffers and wonder how they pull themselves through.
It’s right what you say to stay positive. I think that every day. I am so grateful for what I have and what I am able to do daily. Concentrating on that and planning things is a great help. It’s those sneaky moments where I seem to be caught off guard is where the difficulty lies.
Anyway thank you for your positive words and advice. I wholeheartedly agree and I am so grateful that there is a community such as this one around where we can find support and a listening ‘ear’. 😉
Joyce.June 13, 2014 at 3:59 am #58778
Thank you for responding and the offer to give you a call to talk if times get tough. That is so kind of you.
Have you sought professional help to deal with it? I generally don’t get the depressive feelings just the anxiety takes hold of me and I get into a right panic state. Once I have calmed down and rationally thought about the situation I can grasp that it’s all in my head and not real life and I get on with my day.
That empty feeling is so horrible, I know exactly what you mean with that. My therapist suggested this week that I actually sit with the fear in stead of trying to avoid it and talk to it when it starts to happen. To cry when I feel like crying and be angry when I feel like being angry. By avoiding it I only make it worse she stated. So next time it happens I am going to try this and see if it works. I obviously don’t know the full extend of your situation so I strongly suggest you talk to someone as well and also as Marshmellow suggested is to talk to friends and family about it. At least you get to air it out a little even if they don’t know how you feel at that point. That, in itself, can be a great relieve too.
Joyce xxJune 14, 2014 at 9:35 am #58811Jeremy MasseyParticipant
I found it ironic that this topic was so fresh.
About 6 weeks ago, a weird feeling came over me. My girlfriend had a bad day and expressed that she thought I was unhappy and that she wished we would’ve signed a six month lease. (She later explained that she thought I missed Texas and thought I should spend some time down there with my best friends before we settle down and begin our lives together in a couple years). We have been together 3.5 years and lived together for 2.5 yrs.
Since that conversation…IT…began.
I have headaches, nervous stomach, inability to concentrate at work, images of her run through my head like a demented slideshow, and sometimes I am even late to work because I cant bring myself to let her go in the morning. I have cried randomly on two occasions since this mental state became prevalent.
We have talked about this matter twice but she says she can’t relate, she says one of the main reasons she likes that we do separate things is because she gets to “miss” me and that makes her happy. She suffers from GAD but has learned to deal with it as it onset when she was 12.
I normally quietly quell these but sometimes I lash out at her for spending time away from me, and I immediately regret it. This is not me, I am not comfortable in this skin. I just want to go back to how I was for my own sake, and my relationship.June 15, 2014 at 2:04 pm #58879Deidre33Participant
I have suffered from this as well. I’m sorry you are, too.
For me, it stems back to my childhood, and suffering moments of profound loss. Once you heal the root of the problem, or at least try to, then the present bouts of anxiety with such things tends to dissipate on its own. But, it takes time to figure out where the root of the problem is coming from. That’s just been my experience.