Forum Replies Created
March 24, 2015 at 12:11 am #74346
If you have a job, no reason not to. Honestly I moved out when I was 18 and… it was difficult yet amazing. Money will always be an issue but the personal growth you get from it is worth it. You move into a different phase of your life when you start managing your own household.
I had the same feeling (worried if I can even take care of myself and what if a problem happened) when I first forced myself to leave the comfort of home. I didn’t know how taxes worked, I had to learn to organize my time to do shopping, cooking, cleaning, change a light bulb, wash an oven, get a stain out of a carpet, etc, etc. I never had enough money at first but after a while, I figured out how to plan my finances. Honestly, within the 1st year you will get your shit together and once you do, your a different person. At least for me, my perspective changed, I matured and got way more confidence. I was solving all my own problems and it feels good to do things your own way.
I would start by leasing an small apartment, its a good place to start, maybe a Bachelor. I would not recommend going from 0 to 100, its a poor idea if you never lived on your own and just straight up moved into a house. Houses are a lot of work, at least if you live in an apartment, things like plumbing, electricity and etc is part of maintenance. Aside from yard work, you need to maintain wires, plumbing and other problems that you can’t solve with a ticket.March 23, 2015 at 11:51 pm #74345
I’m in my early twenties too and had a similar experience while growing up. My family was emotionally dysfunctional, my mom always victimized herself over every little thing and my dad blamed every little problem on me or her. They fought everyday, my dad always blaming me and my mom always begging me to take her side, it was suffocating and exhausting. I moved out when I was 18 and it was the best thing that I could have done for myself.
A little distance and growing up never hurts anyone. Hold down a stable job, pay for your own place and work towards your goals. Its always scary thinking you have to leave the comfort of your bedroom, its all you ever know but its the best thing for you.
Start by getting yourself a stable job, even if its not something you enjoy like a Cashier job, its a step towards independence. There is no reason why you can’t work a job, save up money and than pay for own schooling and housing. Your parents will respect you because you no longer live under their roof and you will be an independent adult. You will have control in your life, you can choose to save up money, go to school for Makeup or work toward your goals. You also do a lot of growing up when you move out because decisions become your own and you will need to deal with the consequences.
While I think its great you have a dream, be it Youtube, Make-Up, etc but you also need to be realistic. Being famous on Youtube is not easy and you will need a back up plan. Start of by being able to support yourself than reach for your dreams, to reach for the stars you have to be standing first.
You will be starting one of the most important and exciting decades of your life, your 20s is when you will lay the foundation for your life as an adult. Don’t waste it by being in a room watching Youtube Videos and hoping everything just kinda of works out. Your parents will not change nor will you magically have a car and a job you desire. Get up and go after the things you want. Time flies by very quickly.June 12, 2014 at 12:23 pm #58718
I think your on the right track by acknowledging it and actually getting a diagnosis. With that being said, I think since this is somewhat in the medical realm and you might benefit from therapy and counselling. I think it might also help by talking about it if you have supportive family and friends. If they are aware than they can work together with you to help make this less crippling. 🙂
Try to stay positive and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You can beat this, have confidence ~June 11, 2014 at 10:15 am #58620
In my opinion dear, this guy has been enough of a drag for you. People who abuse others generally are either trying to make themselves feel better or are just self-entitled. Chances are he will won’t accept responsibility and will just be other exhausting emotional episode for you. Move on from this guy, don’t waste your time trying to make him see it from your point, he won’t.
As Chuck Palahniuk said it best “That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone having a good f-ing laugh.”
Not saying you should bottle it up but find a better outlet, talk to someone you can trust like mom or maybe a close friend. I always encourage people to utilize their community, there is probably some free-to-attend group therapy and clubs. I know sometimes people feel shy about going to these groups but they are truly helpful and you meet people like yourself. Many of the these group leaders are survivors and kind hearted, they are wonderful ears! It really helps speed up the healing. 🙂
Good vibes to you!May 26, 2014 at 5:28 pm #57427
Sounds like you are trying to keep the family together. But I also think its important not to immediately label your niece as a “toxic” person, try to recall what your world was like as a 14 year old. The smallest thing was practically the end of your life and getting advice from adults was the last thing you want.
Instead, maybe consider her a troubled teenager and look up articles regarding dealing with rebellious behavior and how to handle that. Here is a place to start: http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/h/how_to_deal_with_a_rebellious_teen.aspxMay 25, 2014 at 9:31 pm #57340
Many people thrive on intimacy (by intimacy I mean close relationships) so there is nothing wrong with feeling lonely when you are by yourself, it just shows you are human. 🙂 But I think learning to be content with independence is also a good thing.
For college, I chose specifically to move to a town where I had no family or friends, it forced me to rely solely on myself for everything including emotional support. Its possibly one of the best and hardest things I had to do but it made me so much stronger as a person. I think learning to be by yourself is just as difficult as learning to be a social butterfly. One thing I think helps is doing things you like when you are by yourself. If you enjoy painting, do something painting. Other thing to try is do some every day stuff on your own, get use to being your own buddy. Watch a movie by yourself, go to a buffet by yourself, go shopping by yourself, etc, etc. Its crazy how different a experience is when you are on your own where there is no one else’s opinion or presence to alter the way you act.
Sometimes I think lots of people kind of plan their day according to events with other people. Rather than focusing on say a dinner with mom/a friend, try focusing on the lunch you will be eating yourself. Pick a good restaurant or recipe, make it really good so you love it. When we go out with other people we tend to enjoy ourselves more partially because we tend to pick better restaurants, go to more “fun” places we normally would not by ourselves.
When I first left home, I felt like there was a hollow hole instead me practically everyday, sometimes I lay in bed at night feeling very blue. I missed talking to my mom, eating dinner with other people, hearing people’s voices and having friends I can do stuff with. But overtime, I learned to talk to myself, reason things out on your own and have fun by yourself. Its a good feeling to be able to focus and love yourself.May 22, 2014 at 12:48 pm #56873
In my opinion, to heal you must know you are hurt. Its totally okay and normal to feel that like there is a huge void and a part of you is missing. Its okay to bawl, to be angry and feel like you didn’t deserve any of this. Sometimes we really want to “get over it” when a relationship doesn’t work out, you want to rush to a new beginning and feel better as soon as possible but really you need to give yourself time to mourn.
I know from experience it feels weird to feel hurt by the fact that his guy is no longer in your life, almost a sense of self-loathing because you know he is a prick. But, really you are mourning the loss of who you thought he was not necessarily because you miss the prick he turns out to be. I find that healing and moving on is much easier when you don’t bottle or turn away from the emotions you experience because they are pretty much universal and your not alone. It helps to cry, punch a pillow a couple of times and find a family/friend you can rant to.
Have you ever heard of the 5 stages of Loss? It can apply to relationships, I like to be a know-it-all so it really helps when I can have something explaining things I feel and have something on paper telling me eventually I will reach acceptance and move on. 🙂