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Growing up, moving out

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  • #74304
    lexy99
    Participant

    Soo i just turned 25 and for some time now ive been thinking about moving out of my parent’s house and getting my own place and being independent.

    The trouble is im terrifed and as a natural over thinker, all I can think about is things that can go wrong and reasons not to do it. For the time-being i want to rent until i can be an adult enough to buy an actual house.
    Problems:
    .I’ll be lonely and depressed
    .I wont be able to save any money
    .I’ll be tied down to somewhere
    .I wont be able to see my parents everyday
    .I’ll be incredibly homesick
    .I dont know what to do when it all goes wrong
    .I dont want it to go wrong and have to move home
    .Its expensive
    .I’ll never be able to afford my own house and be caught in the rent-trap forever

    Part of me is excited and I have a collection of kitchen stuff and bed covers that im saving for ‘one day’ but the other part is soo scared, I never want to leave home…. even though i do want my own place…. but i want to live in this house.

    Ugh I just dont know what to do but i know i dont want to be a 30 year old still living at home. Sometimes i feel like an overgrown child that cant take care of herself and doesnt have her own life. Social life, friends and relationships are a no go here so really, I cant move on with my life while i still live here.

    Does anyone here 25ish plus still live at home and is it a good idea to move out and rent for a bit before buying, or should i do what everyone is telling me to do and stay at home forever until im 45 and can finally afford a house. Oh, but look, no social life!!

    #74328
    Adam P
    Participant

    Wow 25, I remember when I was that age….yesterday. No worries. Hello I’m a 26 yr young still at home while I’m applying for higher level university studies.

    You certainly have a lot on your mind and over think many things. Remember thinking is a wonderful process and we all as humans need it. Thinking is just like eating, until we do too much of it, then it hurts. After reading your message, I did not seem to find anything about employment/job. If you already have one, congratulations, you’re already on the correct path.
    FIRST THINGS FIRST: STOP and be grateful that you have a loving and caring family that has allowed you to reside in their home for the past 25 years and if need be when you’re 30 or 45. (I know by the time you reach 30 you’ll be well independent).
    Looking down at your list of problems, it’s quite clear that many of them begin with the common phrases; “I won’t be able”, “I’ll never be able to”, etc. When one begins any statement with these phases, guess what, then it will never happen.
    One of you’re biggest goals in life is to one day own your own house, which is a wonderful investment. But remember that having a mortgage is certainly a BIG investment. There is no shame or stigma when renting an apartment, condo, or room in a house and putting aside a little for a home. You are free of the responsibility and maintenance/up-keeping and your sole responsibility is paying the rent/utilities (depending on living situations/circumstances). For many young people, it’s a dream for them to own their own house. Many go out and purchase property once they get that full time job after college. Some are aware of what they signed up for, while others do not and are left with the financial errors/mistakes.
    Home ownership is one of your big goals. How do we achieve a big goal? By taking the small necessary steps. Each small step helps us and brings us closer to a big goal. Moving away from family members can be difficult, but with the endless amount of technology available today, it really can feel like a small world. If you are independent, then the social life will “replace” the heartache of missing your family. Once you take that first step towards moving out and working/living on your own, then things will begin to progress and the over thinking will begin to subside as you are occupying your time and energy towards owning a house.
    Take Care

    #74330
    Matthew
    Participant

    Hi lexy99,

    You’re not alone out there, I’m 27 and am still living at home while in the process of finishing my bachelors degree. Not an ideal situation for me, I unfortunately didn’t take school seriously when I was younger and I’m having to make up for lost time now, and with the added bonus of having to sacrifice any semblance of what used to be my social life along with it. I’ve had several opportunities to move out but had I taken any one of them I would be right back where I am now and it didn’t make sense to me to take that jump not being a hundred percent sure about not having to move back. Long story short I worked for a government subcontractor and was laid off around the time of the US government shutdown a few years ago and while I was eventually offered the job back after the next contract negotiation was over I didn’t want to be stuck in that cycle of uncertainty any longer so I decided to finally finish my degree instead. I get it though, I had a lot of those same fears that you listed when I came close to signing a one year lease. I was even in an ideal situation where a friend of mine who I also worked with was in the same position as me – mid 20ies and still at home – and we got along really well and were really excited about getting a place together. Ultimately I ended up deciding not to sign the lease because I was scared of the uncertainty of my job (we were listed as temps for our first year until the new contracts were signed – a cute way of them being able to let us go and then hire us back so they didn’t have to fork over benefits without all the extra red tape) which proved to be a legitimate concern as everybody on my team was let go what would have been 7 months into the lease.

    I’m a terrible obesser/worrier as well – especially in regards to money – and when it comes to having to support yourself that can be daunting. It can also be really empowering as well and I think you will find when you settle into a routine and budget and realize you can do it – you will overcome those fears and be stronger for it. I love my family, I really do, I have awesome parents and I’m glad to be able to spend more time with them that other children probably won’t get because in the end family is more important than any job or position. Even with acknowledging all of that and realizing it wouldn’t be possible for me to do this without their help – I don’t want to be here deep down and it sucks being stuck in this situation even though I know it’s a blessing and I should be grateful. In regards to your worries have you thought about maybe trying to get a roommate? That would help with both the financial and loneliness aspects. If you’re not comfortable with that getting a pet can be a huge help to feeling lonely in a new place. I guess the homesick aspect never factored in for me because the place I was going to move to was no more than 15 minutes away from my parent’s house but you can make time to hang out with them on a weekly basis. I’m no finance guru by any means but remeber that you are in an advantageous situation, you don’t have to take the first half-decent apartment that comes along. I would recommend using that stability in having a place to stay to the fullest and take your time finding the best place and situation possible. I think renting is a much better idea to start as it’s good practice without as much of a risk and situations can change greatly from year to year – is there a reason you wanted to buy a house right now other than not being tied into a lease? Depending on where you live it could be cheaper to buy a home but I would wait to do so if you aren’t absolutely sure where you are is where you want to be for the foreseeable future.

    Anyway, I hope things work out for you and know that you are definitely not in that situation alone.

    Best wishes

    #74346
    Marshmallow
    Participant

    If you have a job, no reason not to. Honestly I moved out when I was 18 and… it was difficult yet amazing. Money will always be an issue but the personal growth you get from it is worth it. You move into a different phase of your life when you start managing your own household.

    I had the same feeling (worried if I can even take care of myself and what if a problem happened) when I first forced myself to leave the comfort of home. I didn’t know how taxes worked, I had to learn to organize my time to do shopping, cooking, cleaning, change a light bulb, wash an oven, get a stain out of a carpet, etc, etc. I never had enough money at first but after a while, I figured out how to plan my finances. Honestly, within the 1st year you will get your shit together and once you do, your a different person. At least for me, my perspective changed, I matured and got way more confidence. I was solving all my own problems and it feels good to do things your own way.

    I would start by leasing an small apartment, its a good place to start, maybe a Bachelor. I would not recommend going from 0 to 100, its a poor idea if you never lived on your own and just straight up moved into a house. Houses are a lot of work, at least if you live in an apartment, things like plumbing, electricity and etc is part of maintenance. Aside from yard work, you need to maintain wires, plumbing and other problems that you can’t solve with a ticket.

    #74396
    AikiBen
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m 27, I returned home after finishing uni. I got a job within a few months and then moved out after another few months. Before I moved out, I also thought about the benefits of being at home, and in some ways I was quite content to stay. The thing is my parent’s home is in a small town and I had the same things on my mind as you do now: relationships, friends, things going on. I had in mind to move to the nearest big city (conveniently my job was within commuting distance of this city).

    The thing is, at the time I wasn’t so 50/50 as you seem to be, I recognised that although my situation was amenable at home, it was important, probably essential for my own growth as a person, and to really experience life, to get out there! The thing is for me it wasn’t such a big jump out of my comfort zone as I’d already rented a few places when I was at uni.

    Looking back, I’m so glad I did move out. So much came my way in every way. The thing is I think it’s really important to find like-minded people and things that you resonate with. These things will help you to know out who you are, which is fundamental to you blossoming as a human being and fulfilling your potential in life. I could never have done this staying at home, as most young educated people are living in cities (not all but most), it’s a fact of life. Consequently, cities are where you’ll find more activities and opportunities to pursue because of basic supply and demand. Although it’s a mean-sounding generalisation, from my experience, small towns are mainly filled with three sorts of people, at least in the UK where I live: old people (who want somewhere a bit quieter to live), people starting families (who want somewhere safe and suburban to bring up kids) and lastly young people who aren’t going anywhere in life. I know it’s harsh, but it is generally true. Anyway, this means there’s no audience/demand for so much culture, interests, creativity, artistry, etc, etc.

    These days I try to make choices based on love not fear, I highly recommend it. All the fears you’ve listed I’ve observed either for myself or people I know for none of these to be a problem. I’ve heard it said that unless businesses are always moving forward/growing in some way then they naturally start to decline (not stay the same but actually decline). I think the same is true of people, if you aren’t always moving forward then your world will start shrinking. You see, life is always changing, the universal force is always flowing and you are a part of it. This means you will get urges to move in a certain direction in your life, often accompanied of course by fears, but it’s when people resist moving due to fear and then the fears grow and grow. Allow it to move through you, move with it. This is what is meant by ‘going with the flow’. Are you really going to hold off life until you can afford to buy? Stop trying to plan life out, do you really think that getting THINGS you want (like a house) will make you happy? Live now, don’t put off life to get something in the future, I think it’s one of the biggest mistakes people make, they strive for comfort and security and sacrifice life and living as a result. To me you are looking at life in a very black and white way, in a purely logical way. From my experience, listening to your heart is best. Staying at home to save money sounds logical, but if you are fairly unhappy living at home, will you really feel like saving money? Will you even care anymore about that? The universe moves in ways that you can’t work out, but if you follow your feeling and stop trying to work it out life will pan out just fine I believe. Of course there are times when it is necessary to hold back, but you have to learn how to discern one from the other. It sounds to me though that you feel you know you want to move but that you are just holding yourself back with fear and worries and what ifs, but only you really know.

    At the end of the day, what’s the worst that can happen literally? Say it is the ‘wrong’ thing for you, so you move back home, yeah your wallet may be a bit lighter but at least you will know for sure then. Is it not worth doing it, whether or not it’s right or wrong just so that you know? I’ve done this with a number of things and it certainly helped me. It allows closure on certain questions in your mind and allows you to move forward with your life rather than being stuck in limbo. Otherwise that ‘what if’ will always keep arising and will cause you to stop and stall in whatever direction you do finally choose.

    All the best,

    Ben.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by AikiBen.
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