Hi lexy99,

You’re not alone out there, I’m 27 and am still living at home while in the process of finishing my bachelors degree. Not an ideal situation for me, I unfortunately didn’t take school seriously when I was younger and I’m having to make up for lost time now, and with the added bonus of having to sacrifice any semblance of what used to be my social life along with it. I’ve had several opportunities to move out but had I taken any one of them I would be right back where I am now and it didn’t make sense to me to take that jump not being a hundred percent sure about not having to move back. Long story short I worked for a government subcontractor and was laid off around the time of the US government shutdown a few years ago and while I was eventually offered the job back after the next contract negotiation was over I didn’t want to be stuck in that cycle of uncertainty any longer so I decided to finally finish my degree instead. I get it though, I had a lot of those same fears that you listed when I came close to signing a one year lease. I was even in an ideal situation where a friend of mine who I also worked with was in the same position as me – mid 20ies and still at home – and we got along really well and were really excited about getting a place together. Ultimately I ended up deciding not to sign the lease because I was scared of the uncertainty of my job (we were listed as temps for our first year until the new contracts were signed – a cute way of them being able to let us go and then hire us back so they didn’t have to fork over benefits without all the extra red tape) which proved to be a legitimate concern as everybody on my team was let go what would have been 7 months into the lease.

I’m a terrible obesser/worrier as well – especially in regards to money – and when it comes to having to support yourself that can be daunting. It can also be really empowering as well and I think you will find when you settle into a routine and budget and realize you can do it – you will overcome those fears and be stronger for it. I love my family, I really do, I have awesome parents and I’m glad to be able to spend more time with them that other children probably won’t get because in the end family is more important than any job or position. Even with acknowledging all of that and realizing it wouldn’t be possible for me to do this without their help – I don’t want to be here deep down and it sucks being stuck in this situation even though I know it’s a blessing and I should be grateful. In regards to your worries have you thought about maybe trying to get a roommate? That would help with both the financial and loneliness aspects. If you’re not comfortable with that getting a pet can be a huge help to feeling lonely in a new place. I guess the homesick aspect never factored in for me because the place I was going to move to was no more than 15 minutes away from my parent’s house but you can make time to hang out with them on a weekly basis. I’m no finance guru by any means but remeber that you are in an advantageous situation, you don’t have to take the first half-decent apartment that comes along. I would recommend using that stability in having a place to stay to the fullest and take your time finding the best place and situation possible. I think renting is a much better idea to start as it’s good practice without as much of a risk and situations can change greatly from year to year – is there a reason you wanted to buy a house right now other than not being tied into a lease? Depending on where you live it could be cheaper to buy a home but I would wait to do so if you aren’t absolutely sure where you are is where you want to be for the foreseeable future.

Anyway, I hope things work out for you and know that you are definitely not in that situation alone.

Best wishes

Hi,

I’m 27, I returned home after finishing uni. I got a job within a few months and then moved out after another few months. Before I moved out, I also thought about the benefits of being at home, and in some ways I was quite content to stay. The thing is my parent’s home is in a small town and I had the same things on my mind as you do now: relationships, friends, things going on. I had in mind to move to the nearest big city (conveniently my job was within commuting distance of this city).

The thing is, at the time I wasn’t so 50/50 as you seem to be, I recognised that although my situation was amenable at home, it was important, probably essential for my own growth as a person, and to really experience life, to get out there! The thing is for me it wasn’t such a big jump out of my comfort zone as I’d already rented a few places when I was at uni.

Looking back, I’m so glad I did move out. So much came my way in every way. The thing is I think it’s really important to find like-minded people and things that you resonate with. These things will help you to know out who you are, which is fundamental to you blossoming as a human being and fulfilling your potential in life. I could never have done this staying at home, as most young educated people are living in cities (not all but most), it’s a fact of life. Consequently, cities are where you’ll find more activities and opportunities to pursue because of basic supply and demand. Although it’s a mean-sounding generalisation, from my experience, small towns are mainly filled with three sorts of people, at least in the UK where I live: old people (who want somewhere a bit quieter to live), people starting families (who want somewhere safe and suburban to bring up kids) and lastly young people who aren’t going anywhere in life. I know it’s harsh, but it is generally true. Anyway, this means there’s no audience/demand for so much culture, interests, creativity, artistry, etc, etc.

These days I try to make choices based on love not fear, I highly recommend it. All the fears you’ve listed I’ve observed either for myself or people I know for none of these to be a problem. I’ve heard it said that unless businesses are always moving forward/growing in some way then they naturally start to decline (not stay the same but actually decline). I think the same is true of people, if you aren’t always moving forward then your world will start shrinking. You see, life is always changing, the universal force is always flowing and you are a part of it. This means you will get urges to move in a certain direction in your life, often accompanied of course by fears, but it’s when people resist moving due to fear and then the fears grow and grow. Allow it to move through you, move with it. This is what is meant by ‘going with the flow’. Are you really going to hold off life until you can afford to buy? Stop trying to plan life out, do you really think that getting THINGS you want (like a house) will make you happy? Live now, don’t put off life to get something in the future, I think it’s one of the biggest mistakes people make, they strive for comfort and security and sacrifice life and living as a result. To me you are looking at life in a very black and white way, in a purely logical way. From my experience, listening to your heart is best. Staying at home to save money sounds logical, but if you are fairly unhappy living at home, will you really feel like saving money? Will you even care anymore about that? The universe moves in ways that you can’t work out, but if you follow your feeling and stop trying to work it out life will pan out just fine I believe. Of course there are times when it is necessary to hold back, but you have to learn how to discern one from the other. It sounds to me though that you feel you know you want to move but that you are just holding yourself back with fear and worries and what ifs, but only you really know.

At the end of the day, what’s the worst that can happen literally? Say it is the ‘wrong’ thing for you, so you move back home, yeah your wallet may be a bit lighter but at least you will know for sure then. Is it not worth doing it, whether or not it’s right or wrong just so that you know? I’ve done this with a number of things and it certainly helped me. It allows closure on certain questions in your mind and allows you to move forward with your life rather than being stuck in limbo. Otherwise that ‘what if’ will always keep arising and will cause you to stop and stall in whatever direction you do finally choose.

All the best,

Ben.

• This reply was modified 9 years ago by AikiBen.