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sex addict husband…trying to move on. .

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • March 30, 2015 at 12:06 pm #74673
    anne
    Participant

    Well where do I start.In a nutshell. I have been married 7 years and we have 2 young daughters whom he is close to. 6 months ago I found out he is addicted to Internet porn. He had been swapping pictures/videos, messaging escorts, was a member of hook-up/affair websites dating website etc. I since found out it had been going on way before we met and I had no idea. Anyway, we split up and he is in therapy and I know i definitely no longer have any feelings for him. I have been managing well until he announced that he was moving away, leaving me alone to care for our children.

    My problem is the complete hatred that I have for this man that I once held in so much regard. Even after our split I was comforted that he was still a good dad and did his share of the childcare. Now I am going to be left completly on my own to do it all i am terrified of what the future looks like. I have people I can talk to, but no practical support, and am not financially secure, and at present, the future looks bleak. I had a child at 16 and know how hard it is being a single parent with no support. Only a very small number of people know the real reason we separated.

    I have made steps to care for myself and have started getting into fitness again and making efforts to reconnect with friends etc. But what is worse is the pure hated I feel for him. This is not me and I am not a hateful person in any way but it is consuming me and I don’t like feeling this way. I know letting go of the anger is the only way I can try to begin to build my life but the hatred is all I can see? How can I ley it go! ?

    March 30, 2015 at 2:12 pm #74683
    Kori Elizabeth
    Participant

    Amcar77,

    First, what a strong woman you are. I was born to a teen mother and I have always bragged about the strength and courage it takes to make that work. When it comes to your marriage, I am so sorry. I am going through a divorce myself and almost every day some type of feelings of resentment come boiling back. The truth for me is found in forgiveness. You may never understand why he did what he did and you may never understand why he is choosing to leave. You can however, choose to not let him continue to control your life with his bad decisions. I read recently that when we forgive others, we are choosing to not be the victim of their actions and move on. It comforted me in the fact that I don’t want to be a victim, I am stronger than that and I feel that you are too.

    The future is scary and adding kids and money issues into that mix is terrifying. Truth is, you will find a way. The universe will unfold as it should, maybe this is your new chance at a beautiful life.

    You are loved.

    <3 Kori

    March 31, 2015 at 2:09 am #74713
    Will
    Participant

    What a beautiful response, Kori.

    I, too, wish you well. It may help you to consider your hatred as the twisted outgrowth of something else you mentioned: you’re terrified of what the future hold. You don’t know how you’ll manage. That’s not just a tough situation to be in practically (and it certainly is, and I hope and trust you’ll find ways to make it work) but a vulnerable position to be in emotionally. Much easier to be in a state of rage, because rage feels active and hatred is self-satisfying, even if they are both ultimately painful emotions.

    So you’re now in a state of “It’s all his fault.” And I want to make clear that I don’t take issue with that statement: it may very well be all his fault. But being in a place of all his fault doesn’t leave you with anything to do. You’re giving away your power.

    It’s not going to be easy, but you may be able to grow from a place of all his fault to a different place: I can do this. From I hate that man to I love my children, and even though I don’t know how right now, I know I will fight for them to have a good life.

    I wish you and your children health and happiness. Keep turning away from him, and back to you and yours. You can do this.

    March 31, 2015 at 12:45 pm #74724
    anne
    Participant

    Thank you both for taking the time to respond. Both of your words were of a comfort to me and also speak the truth. It is so true that feeling angry is easier than feeling scared. Written so plainly it is easy to see. And Lori you last sentence was a hug in words. Onwards and upwards! I did it when I was 16 with less, so I’m sure I can do it now!

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