Dear Kay:

In your recent note to me you wrote: “I do not know what is next. I just need to feel fine by myself again”.

Earlier in your thread you wrote that four years ago you got a job offer to work abroad and you accepted it without hesitation, maybe because you were “trying to escape from everything in my home country including my mother, I wanted to be free”.

You wrote that you visit them only a couple of times a year, you wrote: “I wish a lot to see them, but when I am there after a couple of days I want to go far away again… I feel trapped when I am with them”.

You mentioned therapy, I think that it is in quality therapy that you should talk about that trapped feeling with your mother in particular. As adult we keep re-experiencing our childhood emotional experience, so I think you are still experiencing it. It makes sense to me that you avoided relationships with men because you don’t want to  be trapped.

Living with your mother was a very distressing experience for you, year after year, trapped. For a child time goes by very slowly when suffering, no end in sight.

Resolve your entrapment emotional experience with your mother, and you will be able to live a better life, a relationship with a man will appear doable, something you can handle, choosing well and making a relationship a win-win, win for you, being free, not trapped.

anita