Dear Aiyana Henderson:

You answered your own question: “Should I accept being single forever at age 23?”
“So it’s settled. I’ll be single forever.”

You are as worthy being single as you would have been being married.

anita

People nowadays put too much emphasis on their relationship status. Relationships are fragile and very few last a lifetime, so it’s best to enjoy spending time with the one person who will stay with you forever…yourself.
Also, not having a partner at 23 isn’t the end of the world. If you ever want a partner, you’ll find one eventually. Your life doesn’t end once you become “too old” for something. Too many people think this and things just spiral into disaster. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

Take your time if you want a relationship. My best advice is to be patient and go slowly with whatever you want to do. Get a job, find stability in your life, and not worry too much if people insist you need a boyfriend or something. Live life the way it is comfortable for you, not for other people. 🙂

Best of luck.

Age of 23 is way too young to say that you’ll be single forever simply because you can’t find the one for you or simply because you don’t have a partner or dating anyone at the moment. Some people are destined to be single and yet happy. Many are destined to have a partner/espouse and children – a happy family of their own. I don’t know you and everything all depends on what your character is, your likes, your personality, your past and present. What is your motivation? What is your dream? Your goal in life? If you don’t know yet, then, free to explore life. Meet new friends. Travel. Take courage to broaden your horizon. Take a plunge to volunteer. Maybe along the way, you’ll find the one for you, who knows? Having said that, my simple advice is…don’t stress too much about it.

I relate to your disappointment in human nature especially as revealed though the lens of ‘America’s great decision”

“Should I accept being single forever?”

In my opinion there are times in our lives where we are called to accept that a goal, dream, hope… has passed us by. Circumstance, fate, nature, nurture, choice all play there parts. Knowing when that time has past requires wisdom and discernment. My observations is that we get it wrong more often then right.

“Should I accept being single?” Yes. Strong relationships start with an individual knowing and accepting who they are as an individual. An individual capable of pulling back and owning their ‘projections’ we place on others. The irony being that it is most often through the crucible of relationship that we discover/know who we are.

If I have any suggestions lose the word ‘forever’ as you do not want to limit your experiences due to stubbornness.

After being hurt by others as a 10 year old boy I remember sitting alone in a playground making a vow that I would never get married and let others close enough where they could hurt me. I have so far lived out that vow even though my dream is to have an authentic personal relationship. The result is that I live in constant tension between fear and hope… I don’t recommend it. I am a very lonely and regardless of my walls still end up hurt anyway, maybe even more so because of them.

We create what we fear and live out the stories we tell ourselves until one day the stories write us. I told myself a very foolish story at a time when I was lost and hurt… and now the story writes me. You think at any time you can write a better story, and you can, but you don’t. Stories have deep roots.

Words have power. Don’t make the same mistake I made. Forever is a terrible word.

How to Be an Adult in Love – Letting love in Safely and Showing it Recklessly by David Richo

“The foundation of adult trust is not “You will never hurt me.” It is “I trust myself with whatever you do.”

“The more invested I am in my own ideas about reality, the more those experiences will feel like victimization’s rather than the ups and downs of relating. Actually, I believe that the less I conceptualize things that way, the more likely it is that people will want to stay by me, because they will not feel burdened, consciously or unconsciously, by my projections, judgments, entitlements, or unrealistic expectations.”

We were made to love and be loved. Loving ourselves and others is in our genetic code. It’s nothing other than the purpose of our lives—but knowing that doesn’t make it easy to do. We find it a challenge to love ourselves. We might have a hard time letting love in from others: recognizing it, accepting it. We’re often afraid of getting hurt. It is also sometimes scary for us to share love with those around us and love that isn’t shared leaves us feeling flat and unfulfilled. We explore ways to love ourselves without guilt and with generosity. We learn how to love others with awareness of our boundaries. We confront our fears of love and loving. We embrace the spiritual challenge of letting our scope of love expand.” —

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Peter.

As mentioned I very much relate to what your saying.
Sometimes I feel as if the hole I dug for myself is just to deep to get out of.
I wish I had read the books such as David Richo when I was in my twenties however I suspect I would not have had the experience to understand them at the time. Sadly “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” – Soren Kierkegaard

I worry at 50 that I’ve learned the lessons to late and spend to much time mourning the future that might never be.
“The most painful state of being is remembering the future, particularly the one you’ll never have.” – Kierkegaard

I don’t have any magical words of advice however I see a lot of myself in your posts so maybe can act as a warning.

Always remain open to possibility its the only way something wonderfully unexpected can happen.

I think Joseph Campbell said it best
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”

I believe, no am certain, that Joseph statement to true. I have so far been unable to put into practice what I know and so turn it to wisdom… but I guess I still hope, I think. I’m actually not sure anymore.

Follow your passion for writing, without labels and judgments of how that should look, and my feeling is that the life that is waiting for you will be amazing.

We must work for that which no work is required. do by not doing.