I’m so confused. Why does there have to be struggle in life if we don’t like it? I feel like having an identity is intertwined with loss, and in life we are always struggling for a stable identity and understanding of things at the same time against loss, but are juxtaposed to life where everything is loss and ultimately temporary and unstable. It’s so hard and I’m confused because I always hear “let go,” but then what do I have comfort in? Everything seems uncertain and sometimes I am asked to embrace and accept things that I don’t like… It’s so weird to think that everything you don’t like is a blessing in disguise, then how can I trust anything? Everything seems so counter-intuitive and I feel like I don’t even know what to think anymore.

I was happy in my religion and with my parents – everything made sense to me and the world had order. My religion no longer satisfies my standard of evidence so I can’t attach to it anymore. I try to force myself to believe something just because it makes me happy but I can’t… And to believe that we alter our reality by just believing something is also something that is hard for me to believe, and I feel like then if I’m the center of my experience, things are lonely and I can’t even trust myself…

If the universe is benevolent, why do so many terrible things happen? How can I trust it? I don’t want to give up who I am and I feel like part of who I am is an intrinsic desire for stability 🙁

Like some people tell me God is good but I feel sort of like a psychopath for feeling like all the things that happen are good – I can’t get myself to believe that, and part of me is glad that I can’t believe that because then it would mean that people I love are dying and suffering. I don’t like dying or suffering so how can they possibly be good? Isn’t it’s definition to be not good? I’m so scared at the deconstruction of everything because I feel like it would mean the collapse of my consciousness and who I am…

I don’t want to be alone and in a place where nothing makes sense, but I don’t want to be in a place where everything is a delusion that I concoct in my mind either. Why do people always behave so antithetical, like they are making their own problems. I’m so confused

• This topic was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by Trevor.
• This topic was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by Trevor.
• This topic was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by Trevor.