Dear N @chameleon

You are obviously in a lot of distress so I am not sure how much I will be able to help you.

You are oozing negativity to the max by saying things such as “making sure the helpless parents who screwed you up don’t starve and wind up homeless, it’s not really a choice….. Oh, they’re adults, they can take care of themselves,’ but if they could, they would be”……

Hey, can you try and make sense of what you have written above, pls.

You are responsible for your state of mind (either happy, sad, choiceless, negative, positive etc) and others are responsible for their state of mind BUT you both are not responsble for each other’s state of mind. SO why are you making others responsible for your state of being and vice versa ?

If you are not able to carry out a task or live with a choice positively, you might as well not carry it out. Your action is not going to bear you positive fruit nor is it going to bring happiness into other people’s lives. You are just creating more and more painful karmas for yourself – probably out of ignorance.

If you wish to take out an insurance policy and do what you want to do, who is stopping you ? Have you thought of the reasons for why you are still existing ? Are you trying to run away from reality or you do not have the courage to face yourself ? How do you know that the reality on the other end (after death) is not worse off ?

It is YOUR choice to spend your entire life in a lose-lose situation. I am not responsible for that nor are your parents nor is anyone else. You are an adult now and you have a free will to sort your life out. However, if you wish to just continue pushing the blame to everything else but yourself, keep doing so.

Recite this to yourself a few times, “I am not responsible for other people’s state of mind or existence. I am ONLY responsible for my state of mind or existence”

Hope you find the release that you need.

Best wishes,

Jasmine

I agree with Jasmine. It seems that you are taking a victim’s stance on your situation with your parents and with your life in general. I don’t say that to attack you, but I have learned that taking responsibility for yourself and your actions is the only way to happiness.

I’m recalling a point in a book that I am reading that may be helpful to you, if you will let it. All relationships come down to 2 basic choices: adapt or let go. If you cannot adapt (because it is impossible to change others, unless they decide to change themselves) as suggested above by Inky, letting go will be your only option for your own happiness. In the process of “letting go”, you would need to understand that your relationship with your parents is toxic, and although there may be reasons for staying (feeling guilty, etc.), taking care of yourself often comes with a high price. If you are unwilling to pay the price, you are still responsible for your choice.