Home→Forums→Relationships→Still Having Trouble Moving On
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Angela D.
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April 13, 2014 at 9:44 am #54694
LucyParticipantHello everyone: I’ve made a post here about this issue about a month ago, and you can see it here:
http://tinybuddha.com/topic/i-want-to-be-strong/
About a month has passed since then. Since that time, I have taken proactive steps to remove myself from contacting my ex: ie. removing him as a facebook friend so he no longer sees my posts, when I am online, and the same for me. I have stopped asking my one friend who has contact with him about him, and resolved that I will make no attempts to initiate a reconciliation. It is my hope that I can move on.
However, I still feel very empty, and often times rather angry with my ex, and still think about him. Any more though, because of the time that has passed, I don’t know if I miss him per se, or just the things we used to do together, companionship, and knowing that there is someone out there who loves you: unlike a family member or platonic friend. It has gotten to the point where I just feel melancholy and lonely, even though I do not live alone, and have some wonderful, supportive housemates. I have been diagnosed with depression and am seeing a counsellor and taking meds. My thoughts are clearer than they were a month ago, but I still just feel a slight cloud of sadness hanging over me from the loss of my love.
Day by day, though, very little seems to happen. I am not in a position where I can be very social, as I am prepping for some very strenuous exams coming up in a couple of weeks. It is tedious work with little feedback on progress. Upon completion of that, I will be entering the working world for a few months, 8-5, before resuming studies. Assuming I haven’t flunked.
Does anyone have any suggestions? I don’t feel like I have fully let him go, or even if I am capable of it.
April 13, 2014 at 4:04 pm #54699
CydParticipantHi there,
In reality you won’t ever be able to let him go completely because your heart will always have some residual feelings left for him. I know this sounds cliché, but time heals all. It can take years for you to truly heal and feel comfortable enough to give and receive love from someone else. The way I see it, he made a conscious decision in letting you go. Why would you want to hang on to someone who does not want you anymore? Would you really be happy with someone who did not want you. If you loved them so much you would care about their happiness as well and wouldn’t want them to be unhappy. During this time, take every day as it comes and feel all that you can feel. Work on loving yourself and focus on what you have learned through this journey. It is ok to feel angry but don’t let that anger turn to bitterness because that allows him to control you even though he isn’t with you. I applaud you for keeping yourself busy and productive. Keep pushing 🙂
April 14, 2014 at 11:47 am #54760
Jenn-ayParticipantLucy,
Heartaches or heartbreaks do heal with time, like Cyd said. Feeling lonely is also par for the course. Your heart needs to go through the emotions it is feeling, and what you really are experiencing is just grief. There are 5 stages to grief: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. Everyone experiences grief differently, some skip stages, some go back and forth for a while, the whole thing is to go through the process, feel your feelings, but to also keep living your life.
It never fails to amaze me, after years and sometimes decades after some guy broke my heart, I catch myself thinking, “Boy, he was a jerk, when I knew him, but I wonder how he is doing now?” No, bad feelings, just curious about a person I have known along the way.
Your ex has become a lesson for you, you may not see what the lesson is yet, but you will learn something about yourself, relationships, or life, etc.
April 16, 2014 at 11:00 am #54867 -
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 