Forum Replies Created
May 5, 2014 at 7:52 am #55813
Well you are right at the end of the day you must choose, and the longer you stay undecided the harder it can be to walk away we sometimes get comfortable in the moment until the reality of our situation come around again. Stop and realize the truth to your situation, but what and when will you decide that you must guard your heart but also be open to love from the right people. And I do not say that in a selfish way. I can only say this that actions speak louder than words and not to say she doesn’t care for you or anything like that but if her words don’t have any merit to them then how can you really rely on what she is telling you. I know for myself it wasn’t until I backed away from my last bf that I truly was able to see that his words were just that and I had to do what was best for me not what was best for us. As much as I tried to wait for him to get his stuff together it seems like it started to drain me and I developed resentment for allowing myself to put up with things I did not plan to deal with. Good things sound good but when they are backed up with actions then you don’t have to wonder how or when someone will come around. I say love her from a distance but don’t settle yourself for what you want when obviously she says she wants the same but how can she when she is still seeing someone else, don’t let her take advantage of the man she know you are and capable of being, you must also know your worth. Ask yourself why do you need to wait if its meant then it will be and if it is not meant then you didn’t lose out anyway. Your mind your intuition will not lie too you. What will you lose if you walk away now? what will you gain if you stay around? I want to leave you with this you can love someone and give them your all but we all have our own definitions of what Love really is and when you say I Love you and she says the same is the LOVE mutual or even truly understood. It seems to me she feels like she will be losing out on a friend and doesn’t want to walk away from what she has because she likes it or too afraid to put her own feelings first so that the both of you can move forward. I do not mean to misled you in anyway and you know her better than anyone in this forum so trust yourself and when people show you who they are believe them!!April 29, 2014 at 11:36 am #55592
Hi Five to you @Jasmine-3 I hope I can repay you for your encouragement somehow anytime you need an outside perspective I am just and @ away!!lol You are so right hey at the end of the day life goes on and smiles still blossom I will not let my own insecurities control me one day at a time one heart beat at a time! Im looking forward to all that life has to offer Im singing the rest of my days are my best days and loving me along the way!!April 28, 2014 at 10:35 pm #55552
Hey @Jasmine-3 I definitely understand what you are saying and apologize for coming to you from the sense of expertise I just respect your perspective rather I agree or disagree with your full comment. You are right no wasted time just lessons learned. Learning the lesson of easing up a bit to love myself fully and allowing someone else to do the same. I do feel like I am stuck to an extent b/c my heart and mind truly love him although it even surprises me,lol I am awesome and evolving and working on my self esteem and my higher me. I am definitely going to try to be less passive aggressive. I am looking forward when I can truly tap into my self. I accept others as they are just dont want to play with my emotions. YES YES YES it helps plenty I will keep you posted. AGAIN thank you for taking time out your day.
Angela D.April 28, 2014 at 1:00 pm #55530
Hey @Jasmine-3 I wanted to follow back up with you because you seem so genuine in your responses I also see your post to others and I really admire the perspective you put toward things. I did finally talk back to the guy I was telling you about he called me talking about how much he missed me and missed talking to me and it just seemed to him that I wasnt gonna ever call him or answer but we had a great conversation. He stated how he loves me and wanted to know if we could try again at whatever it was we had started. I told him I wasn’t sure but of course we could try I guess b/c honestly my heart still desired him and I couldnt shake him from my mind no matter how much I tried. So we talked for about three days and I went over to his place and unfortunately fell for the temptation of lust. I was upset with myself b/c I was going good and stated to him I was trying to save myself for my husband but when I am around him its hard for he and I to resist each other so its best we meet up outside the house but I did want him badly but felt like I gave in to soon yet again. I recently accepted a job offer in another city which is 5 hours away and he even stated he would come see me on the weekends but I knew that was a long shot anyway. He even asked me if I wanted to go on a cruise with him and his family next year and I said that sounded great but in the back of my mind knew it was all a long shot, plus his family and I have been knowing each other since I was in high school his cousin and I are pretty much best buds so I figured it could work maybe if the occasion really came to past.
I wanted to write you immediately and tell you how siked I was to hear from him despite me trying my hardest to move forward, but I also kept telling myself Angela take your time dont put no feelings in to quick cause actions speaks louder than words.
So as quickly as things came was as quickly as it ended. He had a rough day one day and informed me he would call me back so I was like ok. The call never came and I even called him but no answer this was before midnight that same day. So I got upset b/c Im like I understand he had a rough day but he is on the road ( he is a truck driver) and I knew he had a long distance to drive so I knew he was up. I started to feel some kind of way b/c I was like why hasnt he called me back yet, I kept saying he had a bad day so maybe he just needed time to release his frustrations but my mind would say but thats no excuse to at least call and say something he just not into you like his mouth says. So the night turned into the wee hours of the morning and I was on the phone with a friend girl of mines b/c there were some police activity going on around her house and she called me about it. So then about 4am while Im on the phone he calls so I was a little agg b/c again I felt like I guess he calling when its convenient for him and I despise that. So I answered and told him that I was on the phone and he seem a little funny but i was really just agg and kinda wanted him to know that. So I hung up with my friend and called him back within minutes. He asked me what was wrong and I tried my best to not weigh my feelings in my voice or on my shoulders but I felt like I should be able to tell him how I feel. I then proceed to tell him I was wondering what happened plus on the fact I called him, I do be concerned about him on the road so late. I then tell him how I feel he does things when its convenient for him and he stated he needed to clear his head and thought about the fact he didnt call me thats why he called cause he know I can be up pretty early in the day. I said I understand that but I feel like he does things without taking my feelings into consideration and I try to respect the fact he had a long day. He then says Man maybe I shouldn’t have called shucks if I would have known I was going to get chewed out then I wouldnt have called. he made me upset with saying those things cause I told him I was just telling him I how I was feeling thats all. So he then gets angry at me and says he wasnt going to bother me again and for me to do me and hung the phone up in my face. I texted him about an hour later stating to be safe on the road and that wasnt my intentions to get him upset only to tell him how I was feeling regardless if that was his intentions or not. He never replied back. I called him the next night b/c I didnt want to play these games but his phone vm came on and I left a message I later texted him saying guess you didnt get my vm but I wont bother him anymore I promise. I said you really take things how you want yet others cant. Sorry Jasmine for the long winded post but I wanted to give you a clear pic of what happened. I just dont know what I did wrong and I dont want to allow my own emotions to take over the situation when I tried to consider his end also. I feel like I wasted my time all over again and didnt resist the temptation all over again. I will not call him but wanted your opinion of why I couldn’t just let my feelings simmer instead of feeling like its my right to state how I feel.April 17, 2014 at 10:17 am #54963
Jasmine you make things so clearer and confirm to me exactly what I was told today about a situation Im dealing with at work. I get tired of my boss always coming at me for the things that are incorrect or just not to his liking in my work Im just tired of him always finding negatives but never acknowledge my positives but if I stay in my higher self and overall humble myself then nothing he can say or do can interfere with the things I am proud of and also with growth he may not see. Thank you @Cameron for your question it makes all sense to me even more now!April 16, 2014 at 10:58 pm #54947
Thanks Jasmine I am grateful you took time to give me your insight the saying two heads work better than one is one I agree with and respect your perspective. I am looking forward to it too! And Know I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me where I am weak he is strong. I will definitely keep you posted if things work out better than before.
Looking forward and not back,
Angela DApril 16, 2014 at 10:32 pm #54944
Jasmine you really bring tears to my eyes cause I can truly feel your genuine perspective I guess I am just too afraid now to say anything I may be getting a new job in another city shucks another state and it just doesn’t make sense to even truly open up to him now. I am really afraid I need to overcome this, I hate to admit that but I have been thru so much ups and downs in my last relationship I just dont know if its better I walk away I cant imagine living life regretting this but I cannot also find the inner strength to just step out, its seems easier to just try to move on I feel like if he really wants to know then he would reach out harder than he has I dont mean to be so hard up but I dont know what else to do.
I am learning to be proud of myself but I just feel so silly at times, Cant wait til I can see that for myself. IDK how I ever got this way!!
Angela D.April 16, 2014 at 9:01 pm #54942
Hi Jasmine thanks for taking time out your day to write to me I truly appreciate that!!
I did not realize I was being hard on myself I guess I felt like how can he really love me when his actions speak otherwise at times. How would I ever know? When I say guard my heart I am meaning by not allowing myself to fall for someone so easily without truly getting to know their ups and down especially before giving myself to that person something I have decided now to wait on until God sends me that special someone he designed just for me. Yes I can agree love is something I can honestly say I try to give out to all those I encounter but this love was different I think about him and I can feel my stomach clinching like butterflies even when he isnt around me.
Yes I agree this earth this time that is going by is limited. I never intended to fear rejection I honestly dont know where it came from. I am learning to become more and more humble to all things so I love your point about free to express ourselves. I Actually talked to him earlier and he mentioned we dont have to be enemies were bigger than that I responded I never said we were enemies just couldnt have the strength to tell him how I really felt and wy I was doing for the
yes it is once you say it like that I dont part time love somebody I give them my all and when I don’t feel like Im getting the same in return I guess its then I fear rejection and resentment for not being strong enough to say what I want or the idea maybe they may take advantage of my love. Im trying to be happy with me and really getting there and really love your perspective. I am God’s creation and I know he wants to have more than we encounter.
Sending all the love and energy back your way! thanks!!
Angela D.April 16, 2014 at 11:00 am #54867April 16, 2014 at 10:41 am #54864
Laura MATT( KUDOS) you could not have written that any better I thank God for your perspective. Laura I was in a relationship that I decided to end after ten years but throughout those years I experienced everything and more as you have described in your letter, babies born into our relationship, going thru his phone when he wasn’t around just trying to find some type of understanding that would make me see the bigger picture but all it kept doing was hurting me. I think Matt clearly explained why and how you should handle the situation but one thing I would like to add is that we as women (human beings) tend to develop resent towards those we open our heart to because we allow ourselves to deal with things we feel we shouldn’t have to but you and your friend can overcome this communication is GOLDEN when your facing issues that seem to come at different perspectives and he has to open up to you to give you the insight into his heart just as you did him but do not approach it with a “SHOULD BE” mentality better yet let him know ” THIS IS WHAT I WOULD LIKE OR EXPECT” and even putting expectations on others sometime can hinder your ability to see things from both sides because the other person may not have even known you had certain expectations for them. Sometimes we see more in a person than they see themselves. So try to forgive him but mainly forgive yourself don’t develop resentment it will hold you back from the LOVE you both were building. I hope this helps you in some way and I know I stated I ended my relationship but it was more issues outside of his baby mama drama that involved that and I don’t mind telling you more if you would like to know but overall we are still good friends and I had to realize that I went into my relationships with no boundaries and that was not his mistake but my own. You are more than a conqueror already for still sticking by him believe me he knows how special you are but try your best to open up to him and I am sure he will follow. WISH YOU BOTH EVERLASTING LOVE!!!!!!!!
Check out this link it truly blessed me and hope it can do you the same. This is how I actually found out about this Forum and website.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-release-and-prevent-resentment-in-your-relationships/April 15, 2014 at 11:33 am #54816
Thank you Michael for being courageous enough to express your feelings and being open to others perspective. This post has confirmed to me that the feelings I am currently experiencing can also pass with time. I too met someone who I honestly had no intentions on getting to the place where I found myself at presently. I unexpectedly found myself loving him more than he loved me at least this is what I told myself for his lack of effort towards the simple things like a simple goodnight or good morning or that what it seems because I kept saying actions speak louder than words and his actions were weak. I will post my story in hopes that others can give me a more direct insight to how to overcome this hurdle. Again thank you and I am happy I found this site. Overall I am feeling resentment and this is no one else fault but mines. Thought of stupidity and lack of awareness makes me feel like I should have slowed down and knew better than to try to mend my fragile heart.