Anita

I don’t think of your suggestions as spoon-feeding at all. I think of your suggestions as signposts and directions. You don’t force me to take a particular course of action or pressurise me into taking a particular direction. I don’t mind receiving advice from you at all. You allow me to make up my own mind about things, and that’s why I really enjoy our correspondence.

My course of action now is to find a job. I recently started volunteering at a charity/thrift shop again and I’ve missed working in a place like that, to get out the house and hopefully it will lead to me finding a paid job – I’d much rather find work that involves interacting and engaging with something other than a computer screen. Even carrying large bags to the staff area – I find that I enjoy it. I’m also considering applying to do my masters next year. I’m taking action and that’s better than not taking action. It’s better than waiting, like those illustrations I used to make.

Maybe I should start drawing magpies, they are adept at seeking things. Maybe I should start drawing chameleons, they adapt to their surroundings, just as I will need to adapt to all of the job descriptions when I will go for interviews.

Anita, thanks again for your insight. Words can’t describe how grateful I am for how you have helped me to see the light on many areas in my life over the past year or so – I’ve grown. A lot.

I always look forward to reading your responses

Joe

Anita

It’s been a while, how are you doing? Sorry I haven’t been online for a few months, it’s been a crazy whirlwind (the good kind of crazy) – just wanted to know how you were doing.

Joe

Anita (sorry for the delayed reply, been on 6am shifts all week bleh!)

I also love to walk as well. Some people sit cross-legged and meditate, some people go to churches/mosques/temples to pray and reflect, we go walking. At least for me, walking is my form of meditation. Do you enjoy the snow? No snow here in the middle of England yet but I love the snow and how ethereal and ephemeral it is. I don’t live in nice surroundings, mainly factories and industrial units but in my opinion snow makes everything appear nicer (but it’s no fun when it causes me to slip over).

Yes, I’m in paid employment, albeit temporary work (and I have a feeling my contract will be up soon).

It’s weird, going from thinking that I would never find work to suddenly finding work and earning money. When I said that the past few months were a good kind of crazy, I guess it wasn’t entirely true and that I put conditions on my happiness – having money to do and buy things. Sure I’ve had some fun along the way, going to restaurants and shopping but I also know these things don’t bring eternal fulfillment. It has been nice not having to worry about money for the time being – I have allowed myself some guilt-free purchases and treats, I said to myself “I damn well deserve this” and chose to not feel guilty. Again, I should know that having things doesn’t equate to happiness, they are impermanent and the joy of having them is fleeting. But it’s nice having nice clothes for a change and good quality art supplies and going out for food. Nothing wrong with enjoying those things, they aren’t the most important things. We all deserve good things from time to time.

Work is work but I was just grateful I found the job. I started off at a warehouse job for a well-known online retailer but it wasn’t really a good place at all – commute was hell and the place was so disorganised which made my job difficult, and because I was unable to do much, the managers were constantly on my case asking why I wasn’t meeting my quotas. I pulled a sickie, found another temp agency and found another job closer to home, where I have had a constant stream of work to do.

Trying not to worry about what will happen regarding my contract after January – actually I allow myself to worry, forcing myself not to worry makes it worse. I found work for the past few months or so and blew my expectations of not finding a job, I’m sure I can find something else.

Joe