September 28, 2016 at 9:52 am #116566
I don’t think of your suggestions as spoon-feeding at all. I think of your suggestions as signposts and directions. You don’t force me to take a particular course of action or pressurise me into taking a particular direction. I don’t mind receiving advice from you at all. You allow me to make up my own mind about things, and that’s why I really enjoy our correspondence.
My course of action now is to find a job. I recently started volunteering at a charity/thrift shop again and I’ve missed working in a place like that, to get out the house and hopefully it will lead to me finding a paid job – I’d much rather find work that involves interacting and engaging with something other than a computer screen. Even carrying large bags to the staff area – I find that I enjoy it. I’m also considering applying to do my masters next year. I’m taking action and that’s better than not taking action. It’s better than waiting, like those illustrations I used to make.
Maybe I should start drawing magpies, they are adept at seeking things. Maybe I should start drawing chameleons, they adapt to their surroundings, just as I will need to adapt to all of the job descriptions when I will go for interviews.
Anita, thanks again for your insight. Words can’t describe how grateful I am for how you have helped me to see the light on many areas in my life over the past year or so – I’ve grown. A lot.
I always look forward to reading your responses
JoeSeptember 28, 2016 at 10:30 am #116572
You are welcome and thank you for your appreciation- it means a lot to me.
I like your attitude, taking action instead of waiting. I used to wait, incorrectly thinking that if I wait long enough I will be able to plan my whole life before taking any action. Wrong thinking. I learned that I need to take some action, learn from it and proceed according to what I learned. Proceed with more action, learn from it and so on.
You wrote: “I’d much rather find work that involves interacting and engaging with something other than a computer screen.”
This is something you learned from taking action and so you have some direction for your next action.
You wrote: “Even carrying large bags to the staff area – I find that I enjoy it.”- this is something you learned by taking the action of carrying the bags. And so, we learn from the action we take.
Life is not a theoretical pursuit, something to figure out and then act.
So I hope you remain flexible about planning your life, keep learning from every action and proceed to the next.
I would like very much to keep communicating with you here, to encourage you to make a better life for yourself, one action at a time.
anitaDecember 9, 2016 at 2:09 pm #122355
It’s been a while, how are you doing? Sorry I haven’t been online for a few months, it’s been a crazy whirlwind (the good kind of crazy) – just wanted to know how you were doing.
JoeDecember 9, 2016 at 7:01 pm #122364
I am glad you are here any time that you are. Got your message on the appreciation thread recently (thank you!). You wrote there that you are working, hope you are learning more (my point in my last post to you on this thread).
I am fine, took a 2.5 hours walk today in the (not deep) snow. I always feel better after a walk out. Been paying attention (aka being mindful) to my daily anxiety more than ever and making progress. Amazing how much patience progress/ healing requires. I call this kind of patience “excruciating patience.”
Thank you for asking. Do share how you are doing, if you’d like.
anitaDecember 16, 2016 at 2:40 pm #122908
Anita (sorry for the delayed reply, been on 6am shifts all week bleh!)
I also love to walk as well. Some people sit cross-legged and meditate, some people go to churches/mosques/temples to pray and reflect, we go walking. At least for me, walking is my form of meditation. Do you enjoy the snow? No snow here in the middle of England yet but I love the snow and how ethereal and ephemeral it is. I don’t live in nice surroundings, mainly factories and industrial units but in my opinion snow makes everything appear nicer (but it’s no fun when it causes me to slip over).
Yes, I’m in paid employment, albeit temporary work (and I have a feeling my contract will be up soon).
It’s weird, going from thinking that I would never find work to suddenly finding work and earning money. When I said that the past few months were a good kind of crazy, I guess it wasn’t entirely true and that I put conditions on my happiness – having money to do and buy things. Sure I’ve had some fun along the way, going to restaurants and shopping but I also know these things don’t bring eternal fulfillment. It has been nice not having to worry about money for the time being – I have allowed myself some guilt-free purchases and treats, I said to myself “I damn well deserve this” and chose to not feel guilty. Again, I should know that having things doesn’t equate to happiness, they are impermanent and the joy of having them is fleeting. But it’s nice having nice clothes for a change and good quality art supplies and going out for food. Nothing wrong with enjoying those things, they aren’t the most important things. We all deserve good things from time to time.
Work is work but I was just grateful I found the job. I started off at a warehouse job for a well-known online retailer but it wasn’t really a good place at all – commute was hell and the place was so disorganised which made my job difficult, and because I was unable to do much, the managers were constantly on my case asking why I wasn’t meeting my quotas. I pulled a sickie, found another temp agency and found another job closer to home, where I have had a constant stream of work to do.
Trying not to worry about what will happen regarding my contract after January – actually I allow myself to worry, forcing myself not to worry makes it worse. I found work for the past few months or so and blew my expectations of not finding a job, I’m sure I can find something else.
JoeDecember 16, 2016 at 5:41 pm #122912
The day after the snow melted mostly, that walk was an intense exercise in Mindfulness- I had to pay attention to every move parts of the way, otherwise I’d slip and fall. The snow is almost all gone today, little patches of snow are frozen, as is the ground and my hands.
Working Joe- sure, there is nothing at all wrong with you treating yourself to clothes and art supplies and going out to eat. It is not a sin, not even here, on tiny buddha! It’s a good thing, to treat yourself well.
Good move- to leave the warehouse job and find another. Excellent move. When you walk, reflect on your work experience, what you like about it, what you disliked. Reflect on your interactions with people at work, who the people are, how to communicate better with them.. whatever there is to notice and learn, notice and learn…
I remember the industrial areas north of London, Manchester.
Till your next post, take care and be good to YOU, please!
anitaFebruary 21, 2017 at 1:31 am #128629HaroldParticipant
I am wanting concise and practical advice. I have been in 9 months relationships, suddenly my girl friend decided to break up with me.
It has been a 3 months since she broke up with me. She is now sending me messages at least twice a week to find out how I am doing. I hardly send her message. Last Sunday, I asked her a question: if we were given a chance to fall in love again, would we take it? I would, would you ? She replied : Harold its time for both of us to move on…looking back wishing everything to come is only going to hurt you and you hurting yourself by wanting something that won’t happen and wishing it come back
Friends is all I want.things won’t be the same. Then discussed a bit.
I thought, this conversation I had with her will kind of push her away.
Here she is still sending me messages. I seem not understand her intentions and why can’t she stay away from me as she said it is time for both to move on.
Your practical comments and advice will be highly appreciated.February 21, 2017 at 10:20 am #128685
* Dear Harold: if you are asking for the comments of the Original Poster (OP) of this thread only, you may get it here. If you want comments by other members as well, please start your own thread: click FORUMS above, choose a CATEGORY, click your chosen category (RELATIONSHIPS, I believe), scroll down the page. You can copy the above and paste it there.
anitaApril 2, 2017 at 12:43 pm #143399TannhauserBlocked
Joe, I have only just read your story and something you said has scared the hell out of me. Since the end of February I have been seeing rabbits everywhere, on TV and even in my Pinterest suggestions. They aren’t always associated with Easter, and have turned up as stuffed toys in the background of TV programmes (I started to see them before the big Easter retail push even got underway.)