Dear Genesis:

I really appreciate you sharing your story so openly. That takes a lot of courage, and it’s clear you’re deeply self-aware and committed to understanding your emotions. That alone speaks to your resilience and strength.

From what you’ve described, your husband’s actions suggest avoidant attachment tendencies, meaning he may struggle with emotional closeness and create distance in relationships—even unintentionally. Some patterns I noticed:

* Avoidant attachment – Pulling away and sending mixed signals, like breaking things off early on, hesitating about marriage, and avoiding difficult conversations.

* Fear of losing autonomy – He may associate commitment with losing independence, which leads to emotional distancing.

* Low emotional awareness – His delayed emotional connection and attraction suggest difficulties recognizing and expressing emotions in a way that feels secure.

* Conflict avoidance – Concealing major decisions, like his stance on having kids or financial losses, may be his way of avoiding confrontation.

That said, I also see so much strength in you:

* You’re emotionally insightful, able to process and articulate complex feelings with clarity.

* You’re committed to healing, taking active steps through journaling, communication, and couples counseling.

* You practice empathy, acknowledging your husband’s good qualities even in the midst of your pain.

* You show resilience, navigating difficult emotions rather than shutting down.

At the same time, I hear the challenges you’re facing, and they’re deeply valid:

* Erosion of trust – Being blindsided multiple times makes it hard to feel secure.

* Self-esteem wounds – Moments when you felt undesired or deceived have left lasting emotional scars.

* Uncertainty about moving forward – You’re unsure whether healing within this relationship is truly possible, which adds to feeling stuck.

* Fear of continued deception – Since he’s concealed things before, trusting him fully is a struggle.

* Dependence on external validation – It seems like his words and actions have shaped a lot of your pain, making it all the more important to rebuild self-worth from within, independent of how he treats you.

Therapy could be really beneficial for him, especially attachment-based or trauma-informed therapy. It could help him develop emotional awareness, improve communication, and work through his avoidance patterns.

For you, the most important question might be: What do you need in order to feel truly seen, valued, and emotionally safe? Your healing matters just as much as his growth, and only you can decide if this relationship gives you the trust and security you deserve.

If I were in your shoes, I’d need to see sincere motivation from him to heal—not just words or apologies, but real action toward growth. Unless he’s genuinely committed to addressing what’s troubling him and becoming emotionally available for a trustworthy relationship, I’d have to let go. A relationship can only thrive when both people are actively working toward security and trust, and you deserve that certainty.

I know this isn’t easy, but I believe in your ability to find the path that’s best for you. You deserve clarity, peace, and emotional security—whatever that looks like for you. Sending you warmth and support. ❤️

Anita