Hey Tom:

Thank you and I hope you find some joy in your weekend!

I want to re-read our past communication on Monday and get back to you then.

Take care,

🤍 Anita

You are very welcome, Tom, and thank you for being here! Back to you tomorrow.

🌿 Anita

Dear Tom:

I spent some time since I posted the above reading through our communication since Dec 20, 2016. I don’t need more time, nor do I need to write a long analytical message with quotes and comments, as I’ve done hundreds of times in these forums in replies to you and to many other members.

What stands out to me in all your post, no exception, is that you are a decent person, decent and honest. Not a bad bone in your body. If you were single and I had a daughter about your age, I’d love for her to have YOU as her partner. Sincerely, I think very highly of you 😊

As I think of you, I think of the boy in you, the child who “hated conflict and would often be worried of what/when the next fight would be. They would be sometimes become very heated, sometimes violent.” (Sept 9, 2024), a scared boy in you, no different from the scared girl in me.

When fear enters a child mind and heart too intensely and stays day in and day out.. unresolved, it doesn’t just go away because you get older.. even if you get the perfect job.. or a perfect partner. It’s something that stays with you.

But it can get better and it has gotten better for me, and I believe for you too. It takes .. inviting the fear instead of trying to push it away and close our eyes and ears so to not see- hear- feel it. Like right now, I catch myself breathing superficially, scared of taking the fear in.

It takes opening up to the fear, giving it space within. To not run away from it, but turn around and befriend it. It was always there so to protect you.. it’s your friend.

I hope the above is making sense to you..? It’s okay if it doesn’t. I wrote whatever came to my mind 😊

🌿 Anita

You are very welcome, Tom. You are a good man. Remember this, it’s not just kind words on my part. It’s true.

If you would like to, when you get the chance, please tell me more in detail about that feeling of you being trapped..?

🌿 Anita

Dear Tom:

Reading your most recent post made me think of something I read long ago, don’t remember where. Paraphrased, someone asked: How do I get out of this prison cell? (it’s similar to you feeling/ being trapped), and the answer was: don’t try to get out, or don’t desire to get out anymore.

What it means to me is that when you are in a situation where you really are trapped, objectively speaking (having to pay mortgage and bills, and this job is the only job available that makes it possible for the mortgage and bills to be paid), then radically accepting the situation, for now, to no longer resist it, may free you from useless, harmful stress.

Does this make sense to you?

🌿 Anita

Dear Tom:

I am going over your posts in this thread.

You started this job at the end of April, or the very beginning of May 2024, a year and 4-5 months on the job.

You coped by reading, practicing gratitude, using a calm app, exercising, going out for fresh air, and posting here, in your thread.

On May 15, you wrote that the company you work for includes more than 150 departments, lots of people involved in what you’re doing there, and if I understand correctly, you’ve been feeling micromanaged and fearing criticism..?

Also, you feel alone at work: lots of people involved, but not a friend among them (“I don’t feel like I have any real ally’s in the team”), and no support on the job (“you are left to fend for yourself almost and learn as you go”).

I wonder if there’s an ER department where you work, if there are parties or social gatherings for employees?

The purpose of an ER dept (I am reading) is to foster a positive work environment: to ensure that employees feel respected, heard, and supported, to fairly and constructively handle disputes between employees or between staff and management, and to support employee well-being.

ER often organizes social gatherings for employees, or they collaborate with HR or Culture teams to make it happen. These events are strategic tools for boosting morale and engagement because when employees feel appreciated, they’re more likely to stay motivated and loyal. Social events allow people from different departments to connect, to feel part of something bigger, to reduce stress and burnout, and to cultivate emotional safety, team cohesion, and a culture where people feel seen and valued.

None of that in your workplace, Tom?

🌿 Anita

Dear Tom: Got to run. I’ll read and reply to the above ad to aything you might add to it, by tomorrow